


Paper Thin Walls

by rinnytin



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - No Mankai Company, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 49,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27446116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnytin/pseuds/rinnytin
Summary: The cracked plaster could be mended, the grimy tiles could be scrubbed clean and it would all come together if they tried hard enough. They weren't that equipped with the problems they were facing, but they've deal with worse and weren't going to be discouraged by the paper-thin walls.Content Warnings are displayed at the beginning of each chapter!
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Settsu Banri
Comments: 24
Kudos: 47





	1. The New Tenant

**Author's Note:**

> Dear god Rinny is starting a multichaptered banita fic?? YEs he is!!

“Oh, sorry,” He mumbled as he looked up from his phone, greeted by a smile as the stranger moved to the side. He wasn’t familiar, not at least physically familiar - not that Itaru knew anyone else in the building by name, but he was relatively good with faces and this guy hasn’t been around. There was a moving van parked out when he left to work, he must have been a new tenant and Itaru might have seen him passing then.

“You must be Chigasaki,” He extended his hand out, an awkward silence growing as Itaru started at him - watching as the stranger’s face distorted and a small chuckle passing his lips. He took his hand, holding it for a moment before letting him go without another word, “Um, I’m your new neighbor. Banri Settsu.”

“Welcome to the block,” He didn’t know why he phrased it like that, but he was more confused about why he looked and sounded so familiar despite him never consciously interacting with him in his life. He got the feeling he was staring too long and decided he needed to make his retreat now before he looked even weirder, “Well, I guess you have to get back to settling in. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, see you around?” Banri smiled at him, Itaru knew this guy was equipped with 10+ charisma - the way his smile was just inviting enough to look friendly without being creepy or awkward was a talent for the socially competent, he wasn’t prepared to be hit with that attack.

“Yeah, see you around,” Itaru threw his hand up to dismiss him, shoving himself into his door to get it unjammed - he’s put in a request to get it looked at, but like his nearly permanently leaking pipes the landlord has yet to send someone to do anything about it. He cursed, putting his full weight into it to no avail - the hinge had already been jamming and the humidity in the building probably made the wood expand. He was too tired to try to brute force his way into his apartment and pressed his forehead against the door and sighed. So much for being cool in front of this new guy. He was just going to die in the hallway.

“Let me try,” Banri offered and Itaru nodded as he stepped to the side, watching as his new neighbor tried the handle to no avail, he grunted as he shoved into it with his full weight. It came unstuck with a crack, and Banri smiled, “Might want to put in a request for that to get fixed.”

“You’re gonna learn quickly that unless the sewers are leaving your pipes, those tickets go straight to the trash,” Itaru let out a humorless chuckle, “Anyways, thank you for getting it open.”

“No problem,” Banri walked back to his door, watching as the salaryman man disappeared into his apartment. He pulled out his phone, dialing up his dad.

“Oi Dad, how hard would it be to replace all the wooden front doors in the building?” He didn’t greet him, he wasn’t on the best terms with him and the gift of a dilapidated apartment block he picked up for cheap didn’t help their currently soured relationship, “Do I just send a notice out that I’ll be having people come to replace them?”

“Why would you replace doors? Banri, your stupid focus on van-”

“Alright, bye.” He hung up, tossing his phone onto the counter - kicking a box out of his way to his room, rolling his eyes seeing the mattress still rolled up in the corner of the room - the rest of his furniture was still in boxes but he was too lazy to put effort into anything. He could hear his phone going off and buzzing loudly against the granite, pausing for a second before going off again. He grabbed it and answered when he saw that it’s not his dad.

“Settsuar! It’s Kazu! How’s the bachelor pad coming along?” He smiled hearing his friends cheerful voice, it was enough that Banri’s sour mood mellowed out, “Tsuzurun said that we should come over to help you set up and give you a housewarming gift, plus since you said it’s in rough shape maybe you can let me be your designer? We can totally revamp it and make it look hella good!”

“That would be great, I have to assemble all my shit and I don’t want to do it,” Banri put it on speaker, texting Kazunai the address, “Can you bring tools too?”

“Can do, you want us to grab us something to eat too?”

“We can just go out to get something, my treat since you’re gonna have a hell of a time tryna to fix this place up,” Banri smiled as he heard a deep sigh from the other line.

“It’ll be a challenge that I’m willing to take on. Anyways, Tsuzuru just got back from picking up a super special surprise, so be soon. Ciao!”

“Alright, see ya,” They hung up and Banri looked at the plain walls - slightly greyed around where the old tenant’s couch was probably sitting for years and left the original color somewhat intact. He could paint tonight and then tomorrow he could really start on getting his furniture together. It was his first time on his own and while he could have brought some of the essential furniture from his parents’ house, he wanted a fresh start if his dad wanted to force him into playing a game of Apartment Tycoon. It was bullshit, but he knew his Dad’s intentions were less “Ruin my son’s life” and more of “Acting is not a sure way to have a career, so I’ll pay for your education in full as long as you can learn something as a plan B” - yet it still left a sour taste in his mouth. It wasn’t an ultimatum, his parents were going to pay for his tuition regardless of his choice but he’d be on his own for housing and any supplies and he wasn’t that interested in trying to divide his time with a part-time job and school. 

Banri looked up and looked at the cracked plaster and sighed. This place was honestly just a massive project that seemed to be more and more impossible to take on every time he focused too hard on one area, but it was the “master apartment” that the old landlord occupied so it probably was in better shape than the tenants’ - it would explain why the rent was so cheap, you get what you pay for. This place wasn’t the _worst_ place he could be living - sure there were some obvious signs of wear and tear, but the space was massive; a full kitchen, two bedrooms, and a spacious living room. He just had to look on the bright side - he could screw around with the space all he wanted until it was perfect and live there for free. It would just take some time to get it together, but school was starting up in a month and that gave him plenty of time to start on this project. 

He didn’t know when they would get there and he wasn’t just going to wait for them to come so he started opening up some of the boxes to get started - he wasn’t completely useless when it came to building things but the fact that he didn’t have a way to do anything, he just slumped on the couch, thankful he had brought it from his parents’ house fully made - opening up his one of his games and cursing seeing his rank dropped under that beast of a player Taruchi who had a good million points on him. He didn’t know who Taruchi was personally, but he was relatively popular online - a faceless streamer with a calm demeanor and his sizable following made him a household name for anyone with a slight interest in streaming since he was always pushed up to the front page of most major websites - and his own persona was riding just behind him in terms of viewership but that was one contest that Banri didn’t care enough to go all-in with since he was more focused on getting his life together and his entire setup has been packed away for his move, he really couldn’t do much about it anyways. He looked at the boxes of things he had brought from his parents’ house - mostly clothing and collectibles, but his PC was somewhere in the mess and he considered finding it and having it temporarily set up on the counter and start an IRL stream of his home improvements. Unlike Taruchi, he was comfortable with having his face on camera and it seemed like it would be a good enough way to make things more entertaining while he was setting his place up.

* * *

“Hey,” Banri said, stepping back and smiling as the view count began to tick up steadily - Banri had his own dedicated following who had his notifications on because within seconds of the alert going out, his viewers’ count was almost at 600. He dragged the windows around, playing with the set up so he could see his feed and the chat all on one screen. It was difficult since he was used to a three monitor setup, but he could make do with the one, “It’s been a while, but as you can see I moved to a new apartment. I’m waiting on Kaz and Writ to bring tools so I can start building things, so I currently have my set up on the kitchen island.”

A few regulars were in the chat, talking about how he didn’t need to stream if he was settling and others talking about how they missed seeing him. Banri smiled at the comment that he had his own castle now - this place was closer to being ruins than being a castle at the moment but he was glad that someone could see the potential. 

“Fort Neo will come together so I hope that these irl streams can motivate me while I start my home improvements,” Banri gestured to the wall, the grime barely visible on the camera, “I’m thinking about painting the walls, but I don’t know if I should just repaint it white or go with a new color. Maybe a cool light grey would look good with the furniture I got?” 

☆♥ **_KAZ-PIKO: You are so lucky that I got ready bc you said we are eating out_ **

☆ **_♥ KAZ-PIKO: I think a cool grey would be sexy as hell w the furniture you bought_ **

“Alright, Kaz has decided on that. I’ll probably switch to streaming on mobile when we go out so you guy can watch us struggling to figure out what we need to get,” Banri continued to read the chat, sitting one of the more stable boxes and answering questions about how he was planning on decorating and purposely ignoring the ones about why he moved or how he afforded it. It wasn’t much of a secret that Banri had money - one of his most prized figures in the background of his set up was from a super-exclusive drawing if you bought every item from a pop-up shop for one of his idol mobages and that was something that you had to be insanely desperate, stupid or rich to do. Banri just happened to be all three, but his attitude about dropping the cost of rent in a big city for merch of animated teen idols really sold the whole _rich_ part of it. But even with both his parents’ earnings - he grew up in a modest house in the suburbs and had to work to fund anything outside of his essentials of clothes and food. His sister was doing well for herself as a model and since they looked so similar, she was able to land him a few modeling gigs of his own that paid him more than enough to keep up with his expensive addiction.

☆ _♥_ **_KAZ-PIKO: Knock knock_ **

He read the message just as two heavy knocks sounded against his door, getting up and pulling it open with more force than was necessary in fear that it would get jammed on stream. He needed to talk to his dad about the situation with the building, but he knew he'd be quick to jump to “it’s all for vanity and aesthetics” because anything that was not a glaring structural issue was just for looks. He should make a list of things he wanted to fix, the humidity probably was a good starting point since it probably could fix some issues temporarily +

Kazunari was an upperclassman at this university who Banri had become friends with after hitting it off with their shared interest in travel at a college fair - Banri had recognized him from one of the pretentious art magazines that were talking about the university’s art programs and he was featured as a rising talent and Kazunari had recognized _him_ as a model for a streetwear brand. They were fast friends - Banri was a cool muse and Kazunari was a cool candid photographer, they were a match in social media heaven and Kazunari was more than happy to be on his speed dial for any projects Banri had. 

“Hello! Neo fam, Mod Kaz-piko is here!” Banri grabbed a box from Kazu’s boyfriend, who unfortunately was dragged into many of Kazunari’s antics despite always looking like he pulled an all-nighter. Banri wasn’t that close to him since he was either working or catching up on work, but Banri liked him - he was dependable and Kazu talked about how much of a romantic he could be. He was awkward, much less outgoing than his boyfriend but when he wasn’t on camera Kazunari was much more lowkey and they were obviously happy together. He mumbled an apology for being dragged here, but the older boy just smiled as if to say it was fine.

Kicking the door closed and setting the box down on the empty side of the counter, he smiled as Kazu announced that he was going to make this place look amazing. Banri didn’t doubt that Kazunari could make a pile of rubble look good and he was excited to see how he would make the deadened interior look lively. But first, he needed to get at least his bed frame made so he wasn’t sleeping on a mattress on the floor, then Kazunari could work his designer magic on the rest of this place to his heart’s desire. 

“Let’s brainstorm on what we’re gonna do,” Kazu pulled a notebook from the box he brought - beginning to list out the things that he thought needed to change up; the lighting, the paint, the flooring if it was possible. The chat was excited to hear his ideas and Banri just let him work his chat while he started to plan out the most realistic improvements they could do - he was right about the lights, the current situation was too dim and made a weird buzzing noise and it made it look and feel dingier than it was. He’d need to get Tsuzuru to help him with that since he was the only one with any kind of experience in actually being a handyman and house duties, but first, he had to take care of his stream and transfer it to his phone so they could get everything they needed.

“I’m gonna switch to mobile stream,” Banri said, switching his over to his phone and Kazu leaned into the frame, throwing up a peace sign and smiling as he pulled Tsuzuru so he was with them. 

“Alright! Neo, change the title to Hot Boys Home Improvements,” Banri rolled his eyes, but changed it anyway - much to the chat's enjoyment as Banri pulled on his hoodie and put a face mask on. His latest campaign for the Gutti Winter collection had dropped earlier in the week and his face was now plastered on billboards across the city and he wanted to give them a fighting chance at not being noticed immediately. It wasn’t like he was a big name in modeling yet, but he had been recognized a few times, and since the city was considered to be the fashion center of the country he knew that it would more likely that people would know his face here than back home. He handed Kazunari his phone, letting him chat with the viewers while he cut open one of the boxes labeled accessories and grabbed a baseball cap out - he pushed his hair back before putting it on, looking over as Tsuzuru wrote out his own list under the one that Kazunari wrote out, seeing more practical things they would need to get the jobs done. 

“I don’t know how long this stream is going to be, so please don’t feel obligated to stay the whole,” Banri said, resting his chin on Kazunari’s shoulder and clamping a hand over his mouth to stop him from talking about how this was a 24-hour stream. He wasn’t going to stream the whole process, but it would be nice to see a before and after since his rare attempts at vlogs were relatively successful. He was more than happy to branch on new ventures like that - give people a look into his life to build up a relationship with them so once he started acting, he would already have a fanbase that could support him, “I will probably be streaming while things come together, but tonight is just getting the stuff and building some things so I don’t have to sleep on the ground.”

But more so, he wanted to give himself the evidence of his growth. He was already so far from where he was standing just three years ago - he had given up most of his hopes of doing anything meaningful with his life, he felt stagnant as he watched his peers go on to do things with their futures and he was trying to not get bored of just existing. It was a long three years for him. Just smiling and nodding along to the talks of what he could do with himself from his parents, his counselors, and anyone who wanted to chew his ear off about how his talents were being wasted - it was always the same old song and dance, he didn’t care for just doing anything to settle. He didn’t _want_ to settle - he wanted to wake up and feel something that would make everything worth it and he knew he was on the path to having that motivation in his life for what seemed like the first time. 

  
  



	2. Hot Boy Home Inprovements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't sure why he was pushing towards forming another persona - just for the guy next door since he already had given him a new impression that didn't quite fit the two he already made, but he wasn't sure that he wanted him to know him that way either

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tryna speedrun 2 the good part but needing 2 establish the characterization of them - it's hell!!
> 
> cw this chapter for depressive thoughts (nothing 2 serious, but it's implied) and details of an anxiety attack just in case someone needs it

He got a notification for a stream, buzzing against the bathroom counter with the unique little chime as he sank into the warm bath water, reaching up to grab it. 

_ SSR_NEO is now live: Hot Boys Home Improvement  _

He ignored the notification, pressing on the SP notification for one of his games - he was honestly too tired to even play, his brain was mush from having back to back meetings and team building was not really something he was equipped to do right now. He blinked at his home screen, poking at the girl that greeted him until she huffed and asked him if he was a pervert - but even  _ that _ couldn’t motivate him to play his daily missions. He did the few tasks that didn’t require effort before clicking on the stream notification.

_ “Okay so Neo is going with Writ to get some boring house stuff so let’s pick out the paint!”  _ The blond smiled as the camera flipped to a display of paint chips, he picked up a few grey tones that looked the same before the camera moved and Itaru nearly dropped his phone in the water - despite the face mask and cap, he was sure that was the guy that just moved in. He only followed him because he was a direct enemy to his rankings and needed to get a feel for his strategy, but now it made sense why he was so familiar - his damn face was plastered all over the place and he was basically a rising celebrity. So, why was he living in a run-down apartment when he was most definitely getting good money being a model for luxury brands - probably enough to afford a nice place in the city instead of just on the outskirts of it.

He typed a message, not really thinking that he was breaking his anonymity for the first time since starting his side career.

**_damn thanks for getting my door open before Neo :)_ **

No. He deleted it and sent a neutral message instead.

**_Taruchi: will u let me send u a housewarming gift_ **

“ _ I don’t know, Taruchi _ ,” Banri hummed, he was really different that he was IRL - maybe it was a persona, “ _ You’re not even following me. How do I know this isn’t some scheme to take me out because I wiped your ass clean out of the number one spot on Midori Idols last event? _ ”

**_Taruchi subscribed at tier 5! :poggers:_ **

**_Taruchi: Better? I don’t hold grudges and Mika isn’t even close to being an SSR need for me_ **

“ _ Taruchi, I thought we had something going with the subscription, but you can’t disrespect my best girl in my own chat, _ ” Banri put his hand over his heart and Itaru snorted in laughter, resting his chin on his knees as watched - he probably should get out of the bath but he was comfortable in the warmth of the water and could stand to be there for a while longer, “ _ But, I’ll DM you my address after the stream and maybe once I’m all set up we can play co-op on something _ .”

Itaru watched as the chat erupted in emotes and comments that TaruNeo was a dream collab and Itaru took note of some of the names he recognized from his own chat. It wasn’t like he cared much about the competition of “who is the best, most popular stream is” since it was just a side hobby for extra gacha money and he was happy enough that people liked him for his personality. 

**_☆ Taruchi: sounds good, I got some demos that I need to record and some of them are co-op_ **

“ _ Taruchi, you’re stealing the attention from our hot boy home reno, _ ” His friend said, pouting and Banri rolled his eyes as he took back his phone. The chat did seem more fixated on them collabing, but they were quick to change gears and start talking about the plans for his apartment. Itaru didn’t really like his friend, he was too loud and he hoped that he would Banri would have the decency to soundproof his room if he would be coming around often - not only for his own recording but for the fact he was a salaryman on the outside and needed his naps to keep himself from passing out.

**_☆ Taruchi: Are you planning on making your place soundproof too? I have some recs for panels you can pick up from there_ **

_ “Yeah, my neighbour seems like the kind of guy who would cry if he had to hear my late-night gaming sessions _ ,” Banri chuckled, but Itaru felt a bit embarrassed that was the first impression he gave him but he didn’t know that he would be running into anyone - let alone someone new  _ and _ young. Most of the people who lived there were older than him, if not they were shut-ins so it didn’t matter that he looked like death coming home from work. Which brought him back to the question of why did he choose that apartment complex - there were nicer places just up the block, more expensive but probably more worth the money than the headaches this place will be giving him. Itaru decided that he needed to make a better impression than a tired _ salaryman _ \- just to make himself feel better.

_ “That sucks! I thought you’d live the dream of having a hot guy as your neighbour,”  _ The blond, Kazu as the chat was calling him, said - the comment made Itaru roll his eyes. He  _ was  _ a hot guy - Banri just caught him at a bad time, he normally looked good when he was out. 

_ “I mean I never said he was an ugly guy,”  _ Banri laughed behind his mask, the statement was enough for Itaru to react - the corner of his lips twitching into a smile. Sure, there were tons of people that said that he was attractive but hearing that he wasn’t ugly from a legitimate model in the state he was in felt good. It was like getting praised by someone leagues above your skill level and as sad as it was, blushing in his bathtub as he creepily watched his young neighbor shop, Itaru was happy that there was potential for friendship with someone physical,  _ “Actually, he was kinda hot? He just looked like he was having a rough day and was just coming home.” _

_ “Hell yeah! Now we can play matchmaker for Neo,”  _ Kazu smiled and there was an annoyed grunt from out of frame. It was probably someone who worked there, annoyed that they were being loud and standing in the middle of the paint aisle,  _ “Babe, help me with getting the paint.” _

_ *** _

Itaru got bored of the stream pretty quickly and he got out of the tub, going straight to bed without even getting dressed - staring at the ceiling and tracing the cracks. Maybe he could see how Banri fixed his place up and have him and his friends fix his place - a bandaid to cover up the other technical issues that were glaringly obvious. He didn’t even think that painting was allowed until it was plain white, but he figured that the safety deposit was cheap enough that it didn’t matter. 

His room was probably the nicest part of the apartment - his streaming gave him a reason to cover up most of the wall with black and white soundproofing foam and he had a nice display case over his bed for his collectibles. It was honestly his safe space - it was everything he wanted from his own apartment when he was growing up but just past his door frame was the hellish reality that he was a grown man who was living in a shit apartment to afford jpegs and blind boxes. Now he was lying naked on his bed, cursing the way his stomach was rumbling because he hadn’t eaten since dinner last night but he didn’t have anything in his fridge that he could just heat up quickly. He knew that this wasn’t how adults lived - at least, not adults that functioned correctly lived. But he wasn’t sure if he could even fall under the classification of being a person that functioned correctly - he could barely get his basic needs met without having to give himself motivation by playing his games and times like these, in a limbo of no events running across them, he just barely survived with the hope that soon something will be happening that could keep him from overthinking himself to death. He knew that was a problem, but he’d sooner die than tell someone he was living his life with 3 pts of stamina and a perpetual curse of  _ hopelessness  _ and  _ bad thoughts _ . 

He contemplated going to sleep in place of eating, but he doubted the single plain onigiri that he ate nearly 24 hours ago would hold him over until morning. His head lolled to the side, staring at his phone he sat up - pulling his blanket over his lap and turning on Banri’s stream. Almost an hour had passed since he got out of the bath and he was nestled in a booth with his friend - a guy who Itaru recognized immediately as the barista who worked at the coffee shop near his office. 

_ “Maybe you should get some take out for the hot salaryman neighbour, he probably hasn’t had dinner,”  _ Kazu laughed, but Banri’s face turned pink - without the mask, his face was unobstructed and Itaru could confirm that it was most definitely his neighbour.

_ “Nah, he probably has a girlfriend or a wife,”  _ Itaru groaned; would it be too shameless to beg for food using Taruchi’s account? Probably, but he was also too tired and hungry to care.

**_☆ Taruchi: that’s a good idea tbh, get friendly with him so he won’t get pissed if you’re too loud gaming or when you're doing the reno stuff. Just say it’s a gesture bc you want to be friends, most ppl don’t turn down nice food lmao_ **

_ “Okay, but what if like, his girlfriend opens the door and there’s just some guy wanting to feed her boyfriend? Wouldn’t that be weird?” _

**_☆ Taruchi: buy extra in case then_ **

_ So I can have leftovers for tomorrow,  _ Itaru added mentally.

_ “Taruchi comes out of nowhere to tell you to give food to a stranger, that’s kinda sus,”  _ Banri laughed, leaning on his hand and smiling. 

**_☆ Taruchi: my old neighbour was always up my ass about the noise I was making until I gave her some of my mom’s cooking_ **

_ “I’ve seen your streams, you’re pretty chill so I can’t imagine you getting a noise complaint, _ ” Banri looked away from the screen, ordering his food before turning back to answer a few questions about the move and what he was going to university for. While it was a public stream, Itaru felt like he was breaching his privacy by watching it - he hated the idea that someone who watched him was aware of who he was IRL but Banri was more than okay with putting his face and identity out to the public so it should be okay for him to hear this. Yet, it felt like the digital equivalent of drilling a hole in the wall to watch him since Banri wasn’t aware that Itaru was watching him like this. He was hearing things that were being said with the assumption that he was someone else and that his neighbour was just a secondary character - unaware that he was listening and making suggestions on how Banri should interact with himself. It was too confusing, he didn’t want to think about it.

He sighed, turning the stream back off since it was doing little to keep him entertained - tossing his phone on the side and slumping against the headboard while staring at his computer - he hasn’t sat down to play anything in a few days, his uploads were pre-filmed from one of his better days and he put them on schedule so he didn’t even need to do anything. Recently, work has been kicking his ass - with the start of the new quarter, he was in charge of handling some of their newest accounts, and being the prim and proper office prince charming was tiring and he was barely giving a proper break so his lunchtime opportunities to game were basically cut out completely. He closed his eyes - listening to the sound of water running through the pipes, muffled but in the silence, he could hear it clearly and the paper-thin walls did little to help.

It felt like a few seconds had passed, his eyes closed for a brief moment, but he opened his eyes to almost complete darkness, the ominous red hue from the lights on his PC adding to his state. He was confused and slightly disoriented; loud, demanding knocking, making him scramble to get off his bed - grabbing his robe and pulling it on before opening the door. He blinked up at Banri - who was staring down at him, eyes wide as he saw the state of him - red-faced, his robe slipping down his shoulder, and out of breath from how he rushed over to answer.

“I’m sorry for interrupting?” Banri said he looked at his door then back to Itaru who half a mind to fix himself up a bit. So much for making another good first impression.

“I was taking a nap,” Itaru smiled, forgetting that he was the reason that Banri was there and his stomach made a loud gurgling noise, “Anyways, did you need something?”

“Food,” Banri held up a take out bag and smiled - Itaru was a bit taken aback by how white his teeth were, it looked unnatural, “I’m going to be doing some home renovations in my apartment so a peace offering for the noise that might happen. I didn’t know what you like so I just picked what is most popular, I hope you like it.”

Itaru took the bag, trying not to look too excited - but his stomach was loud enough to make his hunger known. Banri’s smile fell, concern washing over his face, and Itaru never felt more pitiful in his life. There was a bang from his side of the wall and Itaru flinched, but Banri just sighed - ignoring it as if the damage that could have been done didn’t matter to him.

“My friends told me to leave the work to them,” He gestured to the direction of his door.

“Do you want to come in?” Itaru wanted him to say no - his living space wasn’t anything special, it was sad if he had to describe it with one word. He had a pull-out couch that had a blanket and pillow from when he decided that making the trip to his room was too hard, he had a TV and console set up but that was the extent of his furniture, “It’s nothing special at all. But if you need to stay out of their way, you’re welcome to watch TV or play something.”

“Ah,” Banri tucked the strand of hair behind his ear, laughing nervously and Itaru could see him glance behind him - probably seeing how his mental points would be lowered once he stepped into his apartment, “I don’t want to intrude. Your girlfriend…”

Itaru laughed at that - maybe Banri was dumb that he was able to see the state of his apartment and still think that Itaru was winning in the romance department. Maybe he didn’t know that if he had a girlfriend, he most definitely wouldn’t have his couch as a makeshift bed. 

“I don’t have one,” Itaru walked into his apartment - expecting Banri to follow him, which he did. Itaru didn’t care about trying to save his already trashed image, he couldn’t redeem himself anymore so he might as well let some of his real personality shine through.

“This is quite the bachelor’s pad, Chigasaki” Banri tried to joke but he stopped as he followed Itaru into the kitchen - leaning against the wall as he watched him trying to quickly wash his dish to use. He smiled awkwardly as he turned around, “I didn’t mean that to sound so rude. Sorry.”

“Just call me Itaru. And I know that it’s sad in here. I’m not really here so I never really cared to decorate it,” Itaru shrugged the comment off, he just wanted to eat but felt self-conscious if he engorged himself like some starved animal, “Thank you for the meal.”

“I was honestly kind of scared to get it for you,” Banri laughed nervously, “I thought it would be weird but my friends insisted. Glad they did, your stomach is loud as hell.”

“I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon,” Itaru mumbled, leaning against the counter as he started eating. He didn’t know what it was exactly - some kind of grilled meat he assumed, but as long as he could eat it, he didn’t care what it was. He stabbed at it with his fork, popping it into his mouth and moaning contentedly as he chewed it - he was sure that it was expensive and he was starting to feel a bit guilty that he wasn’t enjoying it as much as he should be. He looked up, watching Banri fidgeting before coming over and taking the boxes out of the bag, “I worked overtime yesterday and when I got home today, I just wanted to sleep since it’s been a long day.”

“Still, a small meal a day is fine even if it’s just instant noodles. Trust me, you don’t want to pass out because you haven’t eaten.”

“Thanks, I try not to make it a habit but it’s difficult to stay on top of everything work,” Itaru scoffed at his concern, they were barely acquainted with each other and it threw him off guard that his comment made someone worry - most people would ignore the comment and move on, but it seemed like it struck a chord with Banri and he needed to deescalate the worry, “I mean, you’re a model so you must know how it. That line of work is more demanding than trading so you must get overwhelmed and forget sometimes.”

“You looked me up?”

“No, I was staring at you before because you looked familiar,” He paused, eating another bite and smiling at Banri as he swallowed, “Your face is on the billboard outside my office. This is really good by the way.”

“Glad you like it,” Banri’s smile returned - and he came over, opening one of the boxes and offering it up to him. It was something glazed in a shiny brown sauce, but it smelled so good that he wasn’t going to complain that Banri was acting like his grandmother trying to get him to eat more, “This is my favorite, it’s unagi don. Try some.”

“Fancy,” Itaru stabbed at it and ate it, moaning as it practically melted on his tongue and Banri smiled as he nodded in agreement that it was good. He almost felt guilty that he was the person that was made Banri get the food, but he doubted that his identity as Taruchi would become public knowledge so he was able to brush it off, “You know, the landlady is kinda evil so you might not want to make too many big changes to the apartment. She used to live in your apartment so she’s going to know what changed.”

“Oh, I don’t really have to worry about that,” Banri just waved off his concern and Itaru wasn’t going to pry into why he wouldn’t care - it wasn’t placed and unless Banri said him directly, it wasn’t his business and he wasn’t going to pretend it was. Another bang from on the other side of the wall made Banri roll his eyes, “Anyways if you want to I can take you to meet my friends since they’re going to be hanging around here helping me fix things up.”

“Sure, let me put on underwear first,” Itaru put his plate down on the counter, patting Banri on the arm when he blushed, looking away from Itaur and he walked into his room - locking the door as he dropped his robe on this bed, pulling on a pair of sweats and a hoodie before heading back out. He didn’t really want to make more bad first impressions - even if one of his friends was familiar enough with his face and knew that he would settle in the corner of the coffee shop he worked at to eat through his LP during his lunch break. It was going to be a surprise for him to be seen in something so casual, but it was a Friday night and he was off the clock so he wasn't that bothered being seen like that. He grabbed his phone, seeing a DM from  _ Neo _ from an hour ago.

**_> NEO: You don’t have to get me anything, but if you have any of those hoodies left I’m a medium :)_ **

The next message was his address, which sure enough was the apartment right next door. Itaru quickly typed out a message, confirming that he did have more hoodies and to look forward to the gift. He looked at himself in the mirror as a last-minute check that he looked decent, seeing his own logo across the front and cursing as he took it off and grabbed a plain one; he needed to be careful now, so he tossed it into his closet to be forgotten until he ran out of clean clothes.  It felt like he was pushed right back into the closet of hiding away the most important part of himself, not out of fear of judgment but a fear of being known in general. He was nothing like Taruchi - he was scared about a lot of things, for the most part, Taruchi being his escape to be the cool guy that he always wanted to be; Taruchi was the guy who could talk easily and he was cool, people liked him. Itaru was the guy who was forgotten in a group of people, praised for being a pretty face and for being polite, but not for much else. 

He wasn’t sure that he wanted Banri to know either of those people - maybe he could just adopt a new persona for him. Itaru, the tired salaryman, who was overworked and he needed to take care of something like some charity case since that was already what it was shaping up to be. Feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket and seeing that Banri messaged Taruchi again, he entered the living room - seeing Banri on the couch - his blankets piled next to him, falling onto his lap.

**_> NEO: Nice, I have some merch coming out soon designed by my friend so I’ll send some your way too :)_ **

Itaru froze, trying to figure out an excuse to not give him his address. He could send it to his office, but that would be suspicious if Banri decided to look him up. He held back the sigh threatening to leave his lips as he made up a lie that he would get himself wrapped up in.

**_> Taruchi: Looking forward 2 it's, I’m going to be opening a PO box soon. I’ll message u the address as soon as I get it_ **

He saw Banri smile as his phone chime, the bubbles hovering in his own chat

**_> NEO: I won’t doxx you, don’t you trust me :’(_ **

Itaru turned his phone on silent, clearing his throat to get his attention - Banri looked up, obviously looking him over before smiling. He stood up and Itaru just smiled awkwardly at him as he was led out of his apartment. He still didn’t know what his persona should be, but it was too late for him to decide as the door to Banri’s apartment opened and bright light spilled out and he had to squint. His vision began to blur, his ears were ringing, palms getting sweaty as a shadow fell over them - he blinked, staring at the blond he saw on stream and saw his mouth mouthing but couldn’t make out what he was saying. He felt something slip into his hand, squeezing as he was pulled to the side - his heart racing as he stared at Banri whose face was way too close to his at the moment, the warmth on his cheek was comforting and he leaned into it. 

“Itaru, look at me,” He was stroking his cheek, his words were soft and Itaru nodded - trying to not to cry. He knew what was happening, but he wasn’t sure  _ why _ and that scared him even more since the last time he had a panic attack this bad was in high school. Normally he was able to sense when they were coming and remove himself a little to handle them, but it hit him so fast this time that his confusion only made it worse.

“Focus on me, Itaru, just look at me and take a deep breath in,” Banri made a show of inhaling and Itaru tried to follow along, the ringing in his ears stopped and he could hear Banri clearly - instructing him to breathe in and out, squeezing his hand every so often and Itaru eventually calmed down enough for the embarrassment to settle in. He let go of Banri’s hand, mumbling an apology and making a B-line toward his door - Banri didn’t stop him, thankfully he was able to get into his apartment without issue. He pulled out his phone, hands shaking as he opened his messages to Banri so he could say something, even if he didn’t know it was coming from him exactly.

**_> Taruchi: Not yet, but give me some time :)_ **

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	3. A Possible Player 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “People usually catch me out of my house looking like the well-put-together and neat salaryman, you just happened to meet me the day I had three meetings and didn’t have lunch. Then you came back over when I was going to have sleep for dinner so I was in even worse shape. Then I tried to meet your friends and I had a panic attack for no reason other than I realized other people would see me like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settled on number of chapters (I think) !! This is my first attempt at a longer fic and I just like thinking of things so hopefully this is not too rambly ahhh!! thank u for reading this !!

It had been two weeks since Itaru had his breakdown and he fully expected Banri to ignore him completely for not knowing how to do something as meeting his friends - but it seemed like it only encouraged Banri to make the effort to check in on him, coming in around dinner time with the excuse that his apartment was still a mess and he would like to sit down for a meal. Itaru just went along with it, he didn’t mind the company and they were eating through the leftovers that Banri had brought over. Banri didn’t bring it up, aside from asking how he was feeling. It was weirdly considerate since Itaru usually thought that university students were jerks from his own experience and models were jerks because of the stereotype - yet here Banri was, less than a month into knowing each other and Banri was doting over him like he’s been doing it all his life. 

Since Banri had been coming over, he’s taken the liberty of fixing his apartment up as well - nothing major but he changed the lighting fixture and gave the walls a fresh coat of paint so had a little more life. Banri reluctantly told him that his dad bought the building and he was the acting landlord when he started to tell him that he couldn’t because of the landlady which made sense since he did move into her apartment and was going all out with his renovations - which Itaru didn’t really care about, he just wanted Banri to fix the plumbing and ventilation issues in the building but Banri had big plans about revamping everything to be more appealing to new tenants since there had been a few long time vacancies that his dad wanted to fill. Banri was going to be the one between tenants and his dad since he needed a place to stay during university and his dad was doing other things.

“Hey, my apartment is kinda fixed up now,” Banri said, smiling as he took a package from Itaru’s hands. He opened a PO box for the purpose of giving the address to NEO, but since he had to pay for it and he told the post workers that he was receiving too many packages to his home address so he sent out a notification that he was now accepting fan mail and he would try to open his mail on stream if they would like it. It’s only been three days but he got a call from the post office that there were oversized packages that he needed to pick up - he figured that people were just sending him overnight gags to open on stream, “Since the first meeting didn’t go down well, I wanted to ask you beforehand if you want to have dinner with us as sort of celebratory thing. It’s just going to me and my two friends and they really want to meet you since I’ve been coming over here a lot.”

“I think that I should be good, I just got overwhelmed the last time,” Itaru smiled as Banri opened his door and setting the box down on his coffee table, he shrugged his bookbag off and dropped it on the couch, “I’m going to bring these to my room, I think we still have leftovers.”

“I used the last of it in the bento I made you,” Banri called out, already in the kitchen as Itaru brought the boxes and put them by his desk - his mood has been fluctuating the whole week and he hasn’t streamed but he would have to make time to open these soon. He joined Banri, watching as he washed out his containers, “Why don’t you come over and see my apartment? You haven’t been over yet.”

“Aren’t your friends still working?” 

“Not tonight, they’re going on a date,” Banri said, drying his hands before turning to face him. Itaru smiled as Banri hung the tea towel and smiled at him - he wanted to ask Banri if he normally acted like this with his friends, feeding them and taking care of their housework or if he was a special case. Then again, he thought that it had to do with the fact that “tired salaryman” was still the working impression Banri had of him since even when they talked over dinner - Itaru just complained about how work was and Banri listened to him. 

“What about dinner?” 

“I can order us something or we can go out to get something,” Banri shrugged him off, “You can use a break, I’ll take you to this ramen place I like. My treat.”

“Sounds good, are you cool with going to an arcade too?” Itaru asked nervously as Banri raised a brow, probably questioning why the boring salaryman wanted to go to the arcade of all places, but he didn’t say anything to make fun of him. His work has slowed down since some of this other coworkers began to shoulder some of the work and while he was able to tell Banri to leave so he can “work” and stream on his own - he hasn’t had time to stop by to check the machines for what was new and he always felt awkward going alone, having Banri see a different side of him that was more relaxed and closer to who he really was made him feel a bit nervous. What if Banri didn’t like who he really was - he liked Taruchi and that wasn't that close to his normal personality, but Banri didn’t know they were the same person and he might get mad that Itaru was lying about who he was and pretending to be cool.

“Fine with me,” Banri smiled as Itaru took off his tie, finally relaxing as he popped the top buttons open, “You can go change if you want unless you want to look like you’re my chaperone for the night.”

“I’d look like your butler more than chaperone, Mr. Gutti sweatshirt,” Itaru quipped as he tugged at the drawstring of the hoodie, making it snap up and hit him in the face. Banri swatted his hand away but laughed as Itaru walked into his room to get changed - there was something about how fast Banri was able to breach past his guard that made Itaru uncomfortable. Banri was charismatic and had his charm enchantment built into his character class - unlike Itaru who had to equip it every day, letting the lingering buff fade into his interactions with Banri at the end day. He stripped out of his work clothes, letting himself shrug off the weight of his day as he pulled on his hoodie and sweats - nothing special since he didn’t want anyone to really really look at him, but he was sure that Banri would be able to divert attention away from him. 

“You ready to see Fort Banri?” Banri stood up, smiling at him and putting his phone away. Itaru just nodded, his hands fidgeting in his pocket as he followed Banri out, locking his door behind him and the reality of the situation hit him. He was going to leave his apartment to hang out with someone - something that he never thought that he would be doing ever, he thought that he was destined to be forever alone with no friends and only strangers on the internet to raise his social needs. But here he was, trailing behind his new neighbour who was just too good at persuasion that Itaru was weak to him and couldn’t get himself to push himself away like the voice in the back of his head was telling him to do. 

“It’s still a little rough but here it is,” Banri said, letting Itaru walk in before him - a bit dumbstruck that he was still in the dingy apartment building. It was like one of those model homes in furniture stores - hell, it even had that weird wood and paint smell in the air. Banri saying that it was rough made Itaru feel guilty for letting him hang out in his garbage can of an apartment when he had this place - the ceilings were covered up with white paneling to hide the most likely peeling and cracked plaster and he even pulled up the ratty old wood floors and replaced them with white wood, “Do you like it? It’s still a mess, but once I get the plumbers out here to take a look at everything I want to get someone in to change the bathroom fixtures and kitchen stuff.”

“It’s really nice,” Itaru said, careful not to touch anything because it seemed wrong with how perfectly styled it was, “Your friends work quick.”

“Yeah, Kazunari was really excited to have a project this big so he’s been going crazy with things,” Banri led him into one of the rooms, “This is my office, don’t make fun of me for it. I padded the walls so it shouldn’t bother you much when I’m streaming.”

Banri opened the door and flipped the light on - the floor to ceiling shelves holding a collection of anime figures and in the center were 4 plaques displaying his achievements from streaming. Itaru smiled as he went in for a closer look at his collection - he’d have to show Banri his collection sometime, it wasn’t as impressive in terms of newer series things but he had a collection of his old figures that he kept in pristine condition from his youth that Banri might appreciate. It was a nice setup and Itaru could appreciate that Banri was passionate enough about streaming that this was what he did the first place he made since he’s been there. 

“Down there is my room and there’s another room that I don’t know what to do with yet,” Banri said, shutting off the lights as Itaru peeked down the hallway. This place was massive compared to his one-bedroom, half a kitchen situation just next door, “Neither of them are done since Kazu took the office as his priority so I can start streaming as fast as possible, so I’ve been sleeping on my couch. But here it is, Fort Banri.”

“I feel bad for letting you go to my apartment,” Itaru sighed as he looked at Banri with a sorry smile, “This place is amazing and you’ve been hanging out in my apartment.”

“It’s fine, you’re good company and Kazu wants things to be a surprise as he works so he kicks me out,” Banri smiled, pulling his hoodie off and tossed it on the couch - like Itaru’s couch, a blanket, and pillow where bunched up on it, “Let’s head out? It’s about time we normally eat, you must be hungry.”

The walk to the ramen shop was a bit awkward, Itaru didn’t know what exactly to talk about since he wanted to talk about something other than work while they hung out and Banri was quiet too, occasionally tugging on his arm to make turns but other than that it was like they were strangers. They ordered, Banri recommending their house special noodles and Itaru trusted his food choices so he agreed and Banri ordered some gyoza for them to share since he liked them. Banri's attention returned to his phone and Itaru struggled to find a topic to prod at to start a conversation.

“You like idols?” Itaru asked, maybe a little too suddenly as Banri was smiling at his phone - looking up at him a bit surprised, “Your office, you had a lot of idol stuff.”

“Oh, yeah,” Banri smiled as he turned his phone so Itaru could look at his screen, “It’s called Lovely Live, have you heard of it?”

“Yeah, it’s anime too, right?” Itaru couldn’t say that he played it since Banri would probably ask to be his friend and then he would have to reveal that he was Taruchi - but thankfully, it was a multimedia project and the anime went over the general story so Itaru was safe to talk about it with some enthusiasm.

“Yeah, that covers the base story but they’ve moved past that. I don’t think they’re going to have a second season soon so if you like it, you should play,” Banri pulled back, laughing awkwardly as he put his phone down, “Sorry, I got excited. I didn’t think you would like that stuff.”

“Yeah, I’ve probably been boring you the last two weeks with all the talk about work,” Itaru sighed, knowing that was pretty much the only impression that Banri would be able to have of him. Boring, tired salaryman.

“If you were boring, I wouldn’t have come over after that first night you freaked out on me,” Banri said, sitting back as the server came with their food. Itaru mumbled thanks and Banri handed him a sauce dish, pushing the dumplings to the center of the table, “It just seems like your work has been hard, and honestly, seeing the people who live in the building you’re the only person that seemed like they would like me.”

“Oh, that’s kind of reassuring,” Itaru grabbed a dumpling, popping it into his mouth whole - he was long past the stage of wanting to look respectable eating in front of Banri so he didn’t mind him seeing him stuff his mouth full of whatever Banri offered him. He swallowed it, leaning in to catch his straw between his lips, “I thought you just hung around because I looked sad and like I needed someone to take care of me.” 

“You thought I just wanted to hang out with you because you’re a charity case?” Banri scoffed, it seemed like he was offended that Itaru would even suggest that.

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time in my life that it happened so call me a bit paranoid when people are overly nice and caring to me,” Itaru didn’t want to get into that part of his life, not yet at least - he hoped that Banri could understand that, “People usually catch me out of my house looking like the well-put-together and neat salaryman, you just happened to meet me the day I had three meetings and didn’t have lunch. Then you came back over when I was going to have sleep for dinner so I was in even worse shape. Then I tried to meet your friends and I had a panic attack for no reason other than I realized other people would see me like that.”

“Can I be honest too? When you said that you didn’t eat for the whole day I did panic,” Banri said, leaning over his bowl to sip at the broth - he hummed before looking back at him, “My sister is a model too, so it’s kind of a sore spot for me. Even though we barely knew each other, my instincts to do something kicked in. Sorry if that made you feel bad about me being around.”

“I get that, but it is nice having someone to eat with,” Itaru smiled, looking away because he could feel his cheeks heating up and didn’t want Banri to see him blushing over something as dumb as having a friend. But he’s been so guarded for so long that he almost felt like he was experiencing everything for the first time, “Anyways, thank you for taking me out to eat.”

“No problem, this place has been my go-to spot since high school and I thought you’d like after praising everything I picked out for the last two weeks,” Banri picked up his phone as it buzzed, smiling as a faint pink that dusted his cheeks. They ate in relative silence after that, the occasional remark about how good the food was, but it was comfortable and Itaru was able to appreciate the sentiment of being brought to a place that was important to Banri. He didn’t have many places that he could do that since he never really hung out outside his house growing up aside from going to the arcade to spend his Friday nights alone - but any arcade would have to do since he was a long way from his hometown that would be reasonable for a quick trip.

They left the ramen shop - Banri smiling as Itaru asked if they would be able to go there again since it was so good and Itaru promised to pay next time. The arcade was just down the block and Itaru completely let his guard down as they walked past the beeping machines that were flashing lights to attract attention. There weren’t many old school games left - most of them replaced with rhythm or new franchises that looked fun but didn’t really pique his interest, he was much more into the 8-bit fighters from his youth and now, UFO catchers were pretty cool since there were special collabs that came up. There wasn’t much going on tonight - the usual crowd of teenagers and lonely twenty-something years old were there, occupying different sectors of the floor. He and Banri really didn’t stick out or draw any attention - a reason why he always felt safe in places like that, everyone there was like him to an extent whether it be looking for escapism or just being passionate about games. 

Banri went off to get tokens - leaving Itaru in the middle of the section made up mostly of claw machines and he leaned in to look at the prizes - they were just some generic cute bears and he didn’t really care that much to try for one. It would be a waste of a token since he lacked the skill and luck to get anything most of the time. 

“You want one? I never leave empty-handed from these machines,” Banri put a hand on his shoulder, handing him a small cup of tokens. Itaru didn’t believe that claim at all - there was no way that anyone can have a winning streak in something that is played with mostly luck.

“I doubt that,” Itaru pushed a token into his palm, watching as he looked over the prizes before putting the token in. He was focused, carefully moving the claw with small taps to the button humming as he clicked release. The claw slowly lowered, clamping around the plush’s middle - pulling it up and bringing it to the prize drop. 

“Mr. Chigasaki, I think you owe me an apology,” Banri smirked as he retrieved the bear from the shoot, “You can have him since you were wrong.”

“Oh fuck off,” Itaru smiled as he shoved Banri’s arm, embarrassed that he was able to prove him wrong and was now gifting him the plush bear as a consolation prize for doubting Banri’s UFO catcher skills. He took it anyway, tucking it under his arm as he followed Banri to another machine.

“So, tell me something about Itaru that I should know,” Banri said, stopping at another machine, looking over the prizes before putting in his token - just one since he was so sure of himself, “You watch anime and like the arcade, I want to know what you do after work normally before I came into the picture.”

“I’m a streamer,” Itaru said, not thinking about it as he watched the crane closed around one of the plushies, pulling it up with ease and bringing it to the prize shoot. He smiled as he put another token in and pointed to one of the clear boxes with a tiny plush locked inside, “Can you get him for me?”

“Alright, so you stream? We talkin’ family-friendly or other kinds of streaming?” Banri looked at him smiling at him before returning his attention to the machine, Itaru could feel his cheeks burning up for the second time that night and he laughed as he watched Banri snatch up his prize, “That non-answer makes me think it’s not family-friendly variety.”

Banri bent down to get his prize - smirking as he handed it over to him, he didn’t seem to be too phased even if that was the case. Maybe Banri wasn’t lying when he said that he thought he was hot during his stream and the idea of Itaru being an  _ “adult entertainer _ ” wasn’t too hard to believe - but Itaru hasn’t bogged him down with his self-esteem issues yet. He was the office pretty boy but didn’t quite believe that himself - he just smiled and nodded along, thanking them for being kind but it always made him feel weird to hear. 

“It’s not like that,” Itaru mumbled, opening the box and smiling at the little rabbit before putting it in his pocket, “Uh, I’ll tell you when we get back to the apartment.”

“Avoiding it makes you seem more sus, but alright,” Banri smiled as he nodded towards another machine and he smiled as he leaned in, “Are you popular?”

“Yeah,” Itaru sighed as he realized that it was he wasn’t going to be able to save himself at all now that he said it out loud - he was too distracted and too comfortable that he forgot that he was supposed to keep it a secret. Banri’s smile fell, seeing the obvious discomfort in the way that Itaru was giving half-hearted answers.

“You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable,” He smiled again, not the blinding smile that he normally flashed - but one that Itaru could recognize as being apologetic, “I’m just curious to know about what else you like to do so when we hang out again, I can have a better idea of where to take you. If you get uncomfortable, just drop it and we can move onto something else.”

Itaru nodded, he appreciated how quickly Banri was able to understand the way that he felt without him having to say anything. It felt a bit off to be getting this comfortable with someone so fast after what felt like a lifetime of self-imposed isolation, but maybe it was just his way of finally moving past everything that was holding him back - latching onto the first person who cared enough to get to know him without any ulterior motives other than he needed a place to stay while his friends worked on his apartment.

“There are purikura booths,” Banri said, pulling Itaru towards the other end of the floor where a few booths were lined up. Itaru remembered when they got popular - the arcade was filled with people from his classes, gathered with their friends just to take photos and he wasn’t able to comfortably go for weeks until the hype died off, “I always thought these things were cool, but my friends never care to come to arcades so I never have the chance to get them.”

“They were popular when I was in high school,” Itaru mumbled, hoping that Banri wouldn’t hear it and ask about his school life. If he did, he didn’t say anything as he disappeared under the curtain and Itaru followed him - the bench was too small for two grown men, so he was half-sitting on Banri’s lap as he pressed the buttons. It was a bit awkward but Itaru smiled as the screen prompted them to, the first three pictures going smoothly. He cursed as one of the plushies fell out of his arms and he bent over to pick it up, Banri laughing as the screen flashed and the camera clicked - catching him halfway in the frame and the cheery robotic voice announced that the pictures were now printing. The pictures printed out, a border of little cats decorated the white space - even the messed up shot looked good, Banri was laughing and Itaru’s widened eyes were just at the bottom of the frame. Itaru got out of the booth, embarrassed that he ruined the picture but Banri didn’t seem to mind as he took the finished prints out of the machine, handing one to him.

“So, these things were popular when you were in school too?” Banri asked, taking one of the rabbits from Itaru’s arms and hugging it. They both seemed to have the same idea of ending the night as they left the arcade, “It had a resurgence of popularity when I was in school too, made coming here hell because it was like a competition of how many people can fit in the booth at once.”

“Same for me, except I grew up in a small town with an arcade that was a third of the size of this place, and aside from a few people, nobody really liked the place being there so it wasn't equipped for that crowd,” Itaru instinctively moved closer to Banri as people walked by, bumping into him and Banri smiled as he apologized quietly, “My parents were probably really happy because I had to stay home for the two weeks everyone was hanging out there.”

The apartment came into view and Itaru felt a warmth fill his stomach as Banri held the door open for him - Banri had started fixing up the exterior, making it look less sad by power washing the grime and graffiti that made it look abandoned before and he started making minor interior fixes made it seem more lively than before. There was that saying where one good person can make anywhere feel like a home or something to that extent and Banri was able to do that with a whole building - Itaru could feel it when he left for work, the way everything was clean without being unwelcoming didn’t seem to drain his energy. Banri tugged his arm, leading him to the elevator as the doors opened.

“Since I’ve been taking up all your time, I’ll let you have the night to yourself,” Banri said as the doors opened, handing him the rabbit plush back and Itaru wanted to tell him that I was alright and he didn’t mind Banri taking up his time, but he also needed to get on stream again soon, “If you want to watch my stream, I’m probably gonna do that for a while. I’ll text you the link.”

Itaru nodded as he smiled, he’d make a new account to support Banri as himself and not as Taruchi - adding another layer to his lie, but hopefully, Banri would take it as a compliment once he did find out about his second life as the popular streamer. He didn’t want to take the spotlight from his streams and he didn’t want Banri to think that he was just using him to further Taruchi’s reach, at least that’s what he was going to pass it off as if Banri were to get mad at him for keeping it a secret. 

“I’ll be over tomorrow so don’t miss me too much,” Itaru shoved his arm, not sure how to respond as he headed to his apartment - smiling as he dropped the plushies on his couch. Heading into his room and booting up his PC - he felt good and he didn’t want to waste his good mood just laying around. He hung the picture sheets on the whiteboard he had behind his desk - his to-do list that was left forgotten, reminding him that he needed to call his doctor to refill his meds and reschedule some appointments. He sat down, turning his stream on - immediately switching into his Taruchi mode. Cool, calm, and not at all like the awkward Itaru that he actually was.

“Hey guys, it’s been a long time since my last stream. I’ve been hanging out with someone lately and time has just slipped away from me,” Itaru’s was reading the chat as it exploded into emotes and exclamation points. People asking if this person was Taruchi’s player 2. Itaru smiled and laughed as he clicked around on the loading screen to his game. He looked up the picture of them, he wasn’t sure that Banri wanted to pursue anything with him other than friendship but he was fine with him being a platonic player 2, “IRL life has been hectic, but he’s been great and keeping me from losing my mind with stress. But he’s a friend, not a dedicated player 2. Taruchi is still a part of the forever alone club, don’t worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	4. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hellos from new friends and an old one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW : Death of a grandparent mention , alcohol 
> 
> Is this story even coherent now? probably not but im having fun!!

“Settsuar!” Itaru flinched as an arm was thrown over his shoulders – the voice booming in his ear was even louder than thought it would be – but then again he was able to hear him clearly through the walls when he was over. Itaru looked at Banri – about to ask him for help, but the weight was lifted as Kazunari joined Banri’s side, “Tsuzuru is parking and said we can head in.”

The restaurant was nicer than Itaru was expecting – but Banri  _ did _ tell him that this place was fancy enough that most people would dress up to go and he looked at the menu beforehand to prepare what he might want to get. The prices were higher than anywhere that Itaru would even consider going as a regular Saturday night dinner with friends, it was more of an “I’m going to propose to someone” type place and he felt out of place walking in. Banri was wearing a hoodie and ripped jeans, sticking out among the formally dressed patrons and even though Itaru put on some nice clothes, he could tell that they were being looked at and judged.

“Mr. Settsu, we’re currently setting up your table, would you and your party like something to drink while you wait?” The hostess was nice, gesturing to an assortment of champagne that was set up next to the podium, “Free of charge, of course.”

“Banri,” Itaru reached for his hand, a warm dread setting in his stomach as he tried to make sense of why he was there and why Banri didn’t seem to care that he was so underdressed in a place like this, “I’m going to wait outside.”

“I’ll come with you,” Banri smiled, nudging Kazunari who took a flute and was taking pictures of it – oblivious to the world as he made a noise of triumph as he took the perfect shot, “We’re gonna wait outside, let me know when we can go.”

“Aye aye,” He sent them off with a salute and Itaru wanted to ask him how he was not embarrassed to do that in a place that looked like a corporate party.

Banri held his hand as they walked outside – the cold night air and the lights of the less intimidating restaurants were welcoming compared to the stiffness inside and Itaru let out a breath.

“You alright?” Banri asked and Itaru just nodded – he was fine, just uncomfortable and a little confused, but he wasn’t going to start crying just yet. He squeezed Itaru’s hand, “You’re pale and your hand is sweating, are you sure?”

Itaru slipped his hand out Banri’s, wiping it against his sweater and nodding again. He laughed nervously, he couldn’t even pretend that he was fine because Banri was way too good at reading people and Itaru’s body was just ready to betray him at any moment. 

“I felt underdressed and stared at,” Itaru mumbled, the way Banri snorted with laughter made him freeze as if he just said the dumbest thing possible. He smiled as he took Itaru’s hand back - squeezing it and trying to reassure him that he just thought it was funny, not that he was an idiot. Banri had spent enough time with Itaru that he knew that the first thing that Itaru would jump to is something negative about him so he needed to reassure him.

“You put on a sweater and nice pants for this,” Banri said, smiling as he looked at Itaru’s outfit. He was wearing something close enough to what would be considered to be formal and while Banri had seen him ready for work in a full suit, seeing him like this was enough for Banri to get a little flustered. Banri was used to tired, sweatpants and hoodie Itaru so seeing him cleaned up looked good, “My sister’s wife owns this place so don’t sweat it. I had her rent out the private room in the back since Kazunari is pretty loud and I don’t want to disrupt the other people. Once we pass, it’s just going to be us, so you don’t have to feel like you’re out of place.”

That was able to settle his nerves, but still, being looked at was too much and he rather just walk out of view as fast as he could. Banri had offhandedly mentioned his sister a few times but he didn’t know much about her other than she was a model and Banri and her were close, but she was an absolute tyrant when she exercised her power as his big sister. 

“Itaru? You’re alive,” Itaru looked away from Banri, smiling at the brunette who approached them – like him, he was wearing some more formal clothes and he felt less awkward as he greeted him with a mumbled hello, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“You know each other?” Banri squeezed his hand as a way to encourage him to speak up. He wasn’t sure how they knew each other since Tsuzuru never mentioned him and Itaru doubled down on the whole “I am a loner” thing, but Tsuzuru was a master of odd jobs that it would make sense if they’ve crossed paths.

“Yeah, he used to come to the café every day,” Tsuzuru answered and Itaru squeezed Banri’s hand back, “But I do remember you saying that work was picking up so I guess that you’re caught up with all of it. I didn’t think that you were the mystery neighbor that Banri talks so much about.”

“Tables ready!” Kazunari popped his head out and Banri nodded, his hand still in Itaru’s as he led him to the room. Thankfully, they were able to head to the room without much issue aside from some getting dirty looks. But Banri had come there in his sweats once when he was having an awful day and needed to talk to his sister and if she allowed that, he didn’t care what the other people were thinking.

“I never got to introduce myself,” Kazunari beamed at Itaru, shooting his hand out once they reached the private room. It wasn’t anything special compared to his expectations, but there was a private bar and that was more than any place he’s ever reserved gave him, “I’m Kazunari, but you can call me Kazu or Kaz.”

“Itaru,” He shook his hand, expecting him to be aggressive but it was a gentle, practiced shake. There was a bit of awkwardness in the gesture but Itaru was able to appreciate it. He was awkward too, probably more than Kazunari right now - he could feel his lips pulled into a tight smile and he instinctively bowed his head.

“No need to be so formal, you’re older than them,” Banri said and Itaru nodded – it was embarrassing how he didn’t know how to act in the presence of other people who weren’t being shown the office prince charming. IRL they could see him shifting, see him rubbing his hands over his shirt in an attempt to make them stop sweating and they could judge him for it. Being older than Banri and his friends, but far less socially adept felt like a double whammy – he was back to being the outcast among the cool kids and while Banri was nice to him, there was a chance that it was out of pity, “Plus, we’re all going to be friends so don’t make it weird.”

“For real, I’m just a little nervous because Banri always talks about you like you’re the coolest person he’s met,” Kazunari beamed at them and Banri groaned, “And he knows like legit famous people, but for the last two weeks has been all about you.”

“Okay, that’s enough of embarrassing Banri time,” Tsuzuru pushed Kazunari towards the table. Itaru would have to thank Tsuzuru for always being the buffer between him and unwanted attention, the few times people were bold enough to interrupt their conversation to hit on him, Tsuzuru was able to get them off his back with a friendly smile and speeding up their order to get them out, “Sorry about him, he doesn’t have much of a brain to mouth buffer when he’s excited.”

They took their seats and Banri opened the drinks menu between him and Itaru and Itaru leaned in to read over the drinks - he wasn’t much of a drinker since he didn’t have a great tolerance but he didn’t want to look weird for not drinking with the rest of them. He didn’t know what he was looking at aside from high prices and details about what the drinks were so he just stared at the page, vaguely listening to what Tsuzuru and Kazunari were discussing - hoping that they would give him some clue on what to get for himself.

“If you want anything, just tell me,” Banri nudged his thigh, “Do you have any preferences for drinks?”

“Not really,” Itaru mumbled, looking up when the server came up - smiling as she began talking to Kazunari and Itaru realized that if Banri’s sister was involved it would make sense that Banri took them here. 

“You can look over the menu, I’ll let you try some of my drink if you don’t know what to get,” Banri said - smiling as Itaru intently read over the drink menu and Banri wasn’t sure if it was because he was stalling or if the names were throwing him off but he looked confused as he flipped through pages. He ordered his drink, getting an extra two cokes before leaning into Itaru’s side, “I’m just going to order my favorites for us to share, but you can have a look at the food menu too if you want anything special.”

“I’m fine with whatever you pick,” Itaru smiled, if there was anything that Banri could say he knew his food preferences like the back of his hand. 

“You guys are way cute together, I don’t believe you just met a few weeks,” Kazunari smiled as he leaned in, resting on his hand as he looked at them with a smile, “Settsuar is super closed off and it took me like 3 months of just boring conversations to just get him to hang out with me like this. You two seem like you were made for each other.”

“Dude, shut up,” Banri groaned as Itaru laughed awkwardly, instinctively leaning away from Banri to put some distance between them, “He’s just easy to be around and we hit it off quickly. Plus, you would kick me out every night and he was willing to let me hang out with him.”

“You could have gone out with any of the ladies that are constantly hitting on you,” Kazunari smirked when Banri tensed - he wasn’t being malicious, just annoying and trying to corner Banri into a confession. Because other than being an artist, Kazunari wanted to be his wingman and help him find love. Since Banri had never given him a hint of liking another person in his time being his friend so he was seizing this opportunity, “But no, it was always,  _ I’ll be next door  _ since you met.”

“Itaru doesn’t expect anything from me,” Banri mumbled, rolling his eyes as he took out his phone, “Nobody cared about hanging out with me unless I started getting bigger modeling gigs, Itaru recognized me after the fact but then he didn’t care about it. He’s the only person that has treated me like it’s not a big deal or tried to gain something by knowing me. It’s comfortable being around him.”

Kazunari’s face fell and he sat back, but he bounced back quickly and smiled as the drinks came in and were set down. Banri ordered the food, his hand finding Itaru’s again under the table - he didn’t say anything, but he was annoyed and he wanted to see if it would work to calm him down. He was getting better at controlling his anger, but sometimes Kazunari tested his patience. It was awkward, a few moments of silence before Itaru decided that he was going to die if the conversation didn’t start up and Banri holding his hand after being told they were made for each other - it felt like there was a lot of pressure on him so he needed things to move on.

“ Tsuzuru, you said that there was a new seasonal cake coming the last time I saw you,” Itaru said, the table getting noticeably less tense as they focused on that and not on what Banri had said, “If I escape my office on Monday, can I get a slice?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to save you slice,” Tsuzuru smiled, he seemed just as put off but the conversation and easily switched gears to avoid any more of that, “Honestly, just come back to be the five minutes of peace while I make your coffee in between the stupid drinks.”

“Work is starting to slow down a little so I should be able to come back like before,” Itaru confirmed that he was going to make it out to visit Tsuzuru, it would be nice to have a conversation in between the work hustle even if it was about random things like the menu or the weather. Kazunari stayed quiet, stirring his drink and not even questioning how Itaru and Tsuzuru were on friendly terms or making a comment on things. 

“Alright there is a weird vibe now,” Kazunari perked up, taking a large gulp from his tumbler - smiling at Itaru, “So, you and Tsuzuroon are friends? That’s totally sick! But he works like a billion jobs so it’s no surprise, he’s all over the city doing things.”

“Shit,” Banri dropped his hand - standing up and offering Itaru an apologetic smile, “It’s my dad so I gotta take it. Don’t be weird.”

Banri left the room and Itaru looked at his lap, suddenly shy about interacting with them despite his previous efforts. Maybe it was because Banri was acting like a buffer between him closing off completely or taking on his work persona which was a 180 of what they saw now so it wasn’t going to be an easy decision - he sighed so much for progress.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Kazunari said, letting out his own sigh as he stirred his drink, “I forget that Banri has a temper and he’s easy to piss off since he’s usually so calm and cool.”

“It’s fine, I think that’s why we get along so well is that we don’t push each other too far into talking about anything that comes up naturally,” Itaru smiled, maybe he and Banri were meant to meet each other - he didn’t really believe in fate or whatever, but Banri fell into his life and immediately melded into his life with no issues, “I actually didn’t know that he had a temper at all. He’s really sweet when he’s with me.”

“Banri being sweet? I never thought that I would hear that from anyone,” Tsuzuru laughed, “He’s a good guy, but since I’ve known him he’s been the definition of a cool guy and I can’t imagine him being sweet.”

“Really, he’s always doting on me like he comes over to eat me and makes me bentos for work,” Itaru smiled, sure he knew Banri was a cool guy - he was coasting along with max stats and whatever negatives that Tsuzuru and Kazunari were telling him about haven’t been that obvious if he did show him them, “Last night, we went to the arcade and he got me a bunch of plushies too.”

“How is Banri annoyed that I said anything,” Kazunari grinned, “I think he just doesn’t want to admit that he’s into you! He’s surpassed the stages of courting and went straight into taking care of you.”

Itaru laughed, reached for Banri’s drink, and took a sip from it - he needed the courage now, all the initial feelings of safety had disappeared and now it was time to numb his thoughts for a bit. The drink, despite its pretty red color and the cherries floating in the bottom, was bitter as he swallowed the mouthful and he tried not to make it obvious that he hated it. He preferred something that tasted nothing like alcohol, but this would have to do.

“I just think I worried him when we first met,” Itaru finally answered, taking a few small sips after stirring it and it was more bearable now that the syrup was mixed in and the sweetness was enough for him to enjoy it, ”Plus, I have not helped with that since all I do is tell him about my work problems and get upset about existing sometimes. Like we talked for an hour that first night and then I had a panic attack that he needed to talk me down from.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry if I caused that,” Kazunari smiled sympathetically at him, “I forgot that not everyone is comfortable with getting that much attention from a stranger.”

“It’s fine, I was just thinking too hard and I’m not good at the opening to people unless I plan for it,” Itaru sighed, swirling the drink before setting it back in front of Banri’s place - he could feel the warmth growing, feeling a bit lighter as he drummed his fingers against his thigh, “It caught me off guard and I think that Banri thinks I’m just a ticking bomb about to breakdown.”

“Banri doesn’t care about pity parties, he wouldn’t hang out with you or like you at all if he thought that was the case. You just … fit with him, like you seem chill but you obviously got your own issues that he probs relate to. Since he said it himself, you don’t want to gain anything from knowing him and he feels comfortable with you. He tolerates me, I know that I piss him off a lot but one annoying best friend is better than none, right?”

“I guess? He’s honestly like my first friend since freshman year of high school,” Itaru looked down as his phone vibrated, taking it out and checking the text from Banri.

_ Banri > Its an emergency with my mom, i’ll try to come back. Sorry. _

“Ah, Banri just…” Itaru lifted his phone, but Kazunari was showing Tsuzuru his phone - obviously worried. He was very expressive, Itaru noted and he wondered if he had that range of expressions as well - maybe it was how Banri was able to understand without being told what he was thinking.

“Yeah,” Tsuzuru got up and walked into the back room where the server had come from, Kazunari’s entire demeanor seemed to change - he was quieter, focusing on his phone as he typed something out before looking up at Itaru, “I’ll wrap up here since he’s probably not coming back, don’t want to make you sit here without him. Just texted him that he can take his time, Tsuzuru can drive you home.”

_ Itaru > They said they’re going to take me home, do you need anything? I can get your stuff and have Tsuzuru bring it to you. I hope your mom is okay _

_ Banri > Forgot I gave you my key lmao, but yeah can you just bring me some clothes and you can come too _

_ Banri > My mom is fine btw, she just got some bad news and is not taking it well. She’s safe tho _

_ Itaru > Alright I’ll be there soon _

“Uh, Banri wants me to bring him some stuff from his apartment,” Itaru said, involuntarily shifting on his feet to calm himself down. He didn’t know what happened but the idea of bad news made him nervous, even if it didn’t apply to him, “Can Tsuzuru wait while I get it and then bring me over?”

* * *

“Thanks for coming,” Banri took his bag from Itaru - letting him in before taking his hand, “Sorry if I scared you, my mom got news that one of her teachers from high school passed away. They were really close and she’s really upset so I wanted to stay here in case she needs more support.”

“Should I be here?” Itaru looked at their hands, fingers locked together and he tried not to focus on the sobbing from the other room - he didn’t want to intrude on what seemed like a difficult time for Banri’s family since he wasn’t close to any of them.

“I’m not that good dealin’ with strong emotions myself,” Banri mumbled, the faintest hint of a blush dusting his cheeks, “And the teacher’s grandson is here, I was talking to him and he said you know each other and used to be good friends.”

“Itaru,” His name being spoken by someone other than Banri made him freeze - there were a lot of people that knew him, but he didn’t know of anyone that would call him a friend. But he looked at the man - bright blue eyes, rimmed with tears - a familiar expression of upset that made Itaru blink back his own tears. “It’s been a long time since we last saw each other.”

“Tsumugi,” Itaru let go of Banri’s hand, wiping his tears as he met the other man in a hug - it  _ had _ been a long time since they saw each other. Itaru had thought that he was dead - disappearing without a trace after the first year in high school after Itaru had opened up to him, he felt like a phantom in his memory and he was standing there in his arms. Alive and breathing, a person that he tried to forget but clung to his memories unwilling to be let go, “I thought you were dead.”

“Ah? No, no, I just had to move,” Tsumugi pulled away, using his sweater sleeve to wipe at his tears - he looked the same, a bit older but he still had the same babyface and bowl-cut that Itaru remembered, “I’m glad that you’re here, Grandma really loved you.”

It hit Itaru that this wasn’t just something that he was separated from - Tsumugi’s grandmother lived just down the road from his family and he would come over to deliver the vegetables from his mother’s garden to her and she would give him flowers and cakes in return. Tsumugi lived with her for a while and Itaru was able to become friends with him the summer before high school. Before that, they never really interacted because he was homeschooled before then and he was shy so he never went out to say hello when Itaru would come by. He could feel Banri come to his side, offering a tissue to them and Itaru looked up at him - he was blurry from his tears and smiled.

“Tsumugi and I were friends,” He said and Banri nodded, offering Itaru his hand to hopefully help him, “His grandmother would take care of me sometimes and she was really amazing. She treated me like I was her grandson too.”

Itaru smiled as he remembered the summers - coming over to help her with her garden for pocket change to save for consoles and she would always give him extra money for doing things like chasing away the cats in the yard or remembering flower names. Itaru felt a pang of regret in his chest, remembering how after Tsumugi disappeared he stopped visiting her in fear that he would have to talk about it. 

“Banri,” A woman’s voice made Itaru break from his thoughts, she must have been his sister - she looked like him and was smiling awkwardly as their eyes met, “Dad said we’re going to go to the service so pack up for the week. I’ll tell him that your boyfriend is coming with us too.”

“Alright,” Banri didn’t even bat an eye at the word boyfriend, but neither did Itaru - he was a bit lost and confused right now and it didn’t register. Seeing Tsumugi, it felt like he was about to crack - all the pain that he felt all those years ago coming back fresh in his mind and he squeezed his hand, hoping that it would ground him since he felt like he was in a nightmare. 

“I should go home now,” Tsumugi said, sniffling as he came up and pressed a kiss to Itaru’s cheek, “I’m sorry that we had to meet like this, but I’m glad that you’ll be there for me… and for her.”

“Tsumu,” Itaru mumbled his name out but couldn’t say anything more. He finally was moving forward, at least he felt like he was and now he was stuck in the past, remembering everything that turned him into what he was now. The rumors and isolation that had made him scared of everyone and made him force himself to be what was good and acceptable.

“Well, I’ll see you back home, I guess,” Tsumu smiled as he walked past them, the door closed with a click and Itaru turned to Banri. He looked mad - not upset, but angry; lips pulled into a scowl as he stared at the ground and Itaru only just realized that he was squeezing his hand almost painfully.

“Banri? I know I should probably meet your family first, but,” Itaru moved into him, pressing his face against his neck as he let out a sob, “I just… I need to calm down. This is too much.”

Banri didn’t say anything, he just led Itaru through the house - opening a door to what looked like his bedroom, empty aside from the basic furniture and some posters. Banri pulled him to the bed, sitting him at the edge and wiping his face with his sleeve. Itaru smiled at him, trying to reassure him that he was okay and he didn’t have to worry but he just sobbed - pressing his face against Banri’s stomach as he cried, Banri’s fingers brushing through his hair to calm him down. He didn’t say anything for a long time, it could have been hours and Itaru wouldn’t have known, pulling away once he couldn’t cry anymore and Banri didn’t seem too upset as he kneeled to meet Itaru’s eyes.

“Banri,” Itaru touched his face, biting his lips as he tried to work up the courage to say what he needed to. If he was going back home, he was probably going to face everything he ran away from and he rather it come from his mouth than Banro hearing some off-hand comment from someone who knew him, “I need to be honest now. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Banri smiled at him, he didn’t seem angry anymore and Itaru nodded, “But you don’t need to talk about anything if you’re forcing yourself to. Unless you’re secretly a criminal, I don’t need to know anything that you’re not willing to share just yet.”

Itaru nodded, pulling Banri’s hand into his lap before letting out a deep breath. He didn’t have to be brave for Banri - he didn’t have to be anything that he wasn’t, he could just exist as he was and Banri wouldn’t be upset that he wasn’t some perfectly acceptable person. 

“Then I just… I want you to stay with me,” Itaru closed his eyes, both hands around Banri’s and he held onto it. Maybe this was just wishful thinking, that Banri wouldn’t fade into being just a memory that haunted him for the rest of his life but he needed to hear it - even if it was a lie, “It doesn’t have to be forever, but I want you to stay for a while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	5. Give Up All My Secrets To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know that we’re trying to not feel like shit tonight, but sitting here is like memory unlocked and I want you to know more about what happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings!
> 
> These are all contained between the line breaks if you want to skip it!
> 
>   * Implied/Referenced Suicide 
>   * Implied Referenced Homophobia
> 


“I haven’t been back here in so long,” Itaru looked out the window, walking as the welcoming sign passed - he had called out of work for the week to go with Banri and his family to attend the service for Tsumugi’s grandmother. He had called his parents to tell them that he was coming and they were excited to see him, it had been too long since he had seen them and he didn't know if they would be happy to see him after essentially running away after high school, “I wonder if things have changed a lot.”

“So, Itaru, you grew up farming?” Banri’s dad asked and Itaru looked at him from the rearview mirror - Banri’s parents were nice, they reminded him of his parents - a little bit overbearing, but they cared a lot and Itaru could see where Banri’s tendencies came from.

“We didn’t have a real farm, mostly backyard gardening,” Itaru answered, looking back out the window to the plans of seemingly empty fields, “My mom was a green thumb and was able to have plenty of good harvests, that’s why I knew Tsumugi’s grandmother we would make her weekly baskets with what was harvested. I was mostly an indoors kid other than that.” 

“Well, just because you live in the country doesn’t make you a country kid,” His dad laughed and Itaru smiled - it was comfortable with them since there wasn’t any expectation of him being anything, just being the guy that Banri was hanging out with (or dating, he still hasn’t asked why Banri’s sister called him his boyfriend.) He got to be the person he was with Banri with them. It was a confusing web but all Itaru had to do was be  _ himself  _ and they would accept that. They pulled up to a house and Banri’s dad announced that he’s going to check in with the owner and for them to start taking bags out. Itaru didn’t even know his parents’ names, they just told him to call them mom and dad like all Banri’s friends did and that was the end of it. He didn’t mind it since he was pretty bad with names and he was never that good with being respectful to the fact that they were laid back helped him relax since it felt like they’ve accepted him already.

“Ah, Banri can you come up? Aya, Itaru you guys can start taking the bags out,” Banri’s dad called for him and Banri put a hand on Itaru’s shoulder as he passed. Itaru opened the trunk and pulled his suitcase out before helping Banri’s sister with her bags. He only brought one small suitcase and his book bag but everyone else had a large suitcase and more bags that he saw a reason for, but he didn’t have much stuff to take to begin and his suitcase was mostly filled with things he bought for his parents and sister.

“So, you’re the guy that Banri has been texting me about,” She smiled and Itaru nodded - he hoped that Banri was texting her about him and he hoped that it was good things not “Met this sad guy and I’m taking care of him now” which could easily be the case, “He never asked me for help before but suddenly I was getting texts like would it be weird if I make a guy lunch after just meeting.”

“Well whatever you answered, he did it anyway,” Itaru smiled, Banri came off as such a cool guy that imagining him being confused on what to do seemed out of character, “He started coming over immediately after we met to feed me.”

“Sounds like Banri,” Itaru closed the trunk, taking out his phone and cursing as he took out his phone and saw that his SP had refilled nearly an hour ago. He needed to play but didn’t want to be rude, “Growing up he was kind of a jerk, but after an incident with me at a shoot, he stepped up taking care of me and things in the house. It’s hard to believe that he used to get into fights all the time sometimes.”

“The other day I was out with some of his friends and they said the same thing, but I doubt that Banri would want to tell me about his delinquent years because he has to keep up his cool guy appearance, ” Itara wanted to know about Banri’s past but it didn’t seem like he was hiding anything, he just grew up and it wasn’t a rush for him to know about it. He was sure that they would be able to laugh about his embarrassment sometime later, but Banri seemed more interested in figuring Itaru out at the moment. Even if he wasn’t pushing him to tell him things, he could tell that he wanted to know what Itaru was hiding every time he backtracked on his words.

“If you get him drunk, you can get him to talk about how much trouble he got into,” Itaru laughed at that - his sister had been nice to talk to in their short interactions, like Banri in the way she was laid back and spoke as if they’ve known each other for years which helped put him at ease when she was talking to him. Maybe it was a Settsu family buff - they all were easy to be around and didn’t make any bad feelings come up. 

“Itaru, can you come here?” Banri called for him and he mumbled out an apology as he made his way up to the door. They rented out someone’s house for the week since there wasn’t any lodging in the town, but it looked nice from the outside.

“The person listed the house as being for six but there are 3 beds,” Banri’s dad said, looking at him almost apologetically, “So….”

“Are you cool with sleepin’ with me or not?” Banri didn’t hesitate to ask and Itaru just started sputtering out a mix of questioning yes and that’s fine. 

“It’s settled then I’ll bring our bags up,” Banri smiled at Itaru before heading back done to get their stuff, he didn’t even have enough time to start a conversation with his dad before Banri was back with the bags faster than Itaru could even process that they were sharing a bed for the next week, “Come on, let’s get settled it’s been a long drive.”

Itaru nodded and followed Banri down the hall and into one of the bedrooms. The bed was bigger than his own so it probably wouldn’t be too awkward since he already slept on the edge of his bed at home, it would be fine. Banri wasn’t weird or anything that he had to be worried about so he wasn’t going to panic about it - he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it and it was only a week and it was out of necessity.

“I can sleep on the floor if you want,” Banri said, closing the door behind them as he pushed their bags into the corner, “I just sprung it on you because I wanted to stop talking to my dad cause he pisses me off.”

“He seems nice,” Itaru put his bookbag on the desk, “He kinda reminds me of my dad.”

“He’s nice because you’re with us,” Banri sat down, taking out his phone and Itaru immediately recognized the intro to Lovely Live, “He really doesn’t care about much outside of his work ventures, it’s a lot of I supply your physical needs and that’s it. It’s the reason that me and Aya are so emotionally fucked.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Banri looked up at him, “I don’t want you to see me angry like that. Plus, your SP is full. I heard the notification go off while we were in the car and Chai is Taruchi’s best girl so I don’t want you to miss out because of me.”

“You know about that?”

“Yeah, the other day when I carried in the box for you it was the one that I sent you as NEO,” Banri smiled as he shrugged, “Plus you were talking about hanging out with someone new and that’s why you disappeared for a while and it lined up with me coming over. If I knew that it was you at first, I would have let you go to stream instead vegetating on your couch watching anime reruns.”

“Ah I wouldn’t have streamed anyways,” Itaru sat down on the floor and took out his phone, groaning seeing as his rank had dropped into the top 1%, “I pre-record videos when I’m feeling good so when I’m having a bad time, I just upload things from my backlog. Since I was stressed I would have not been able to make myself put myself out there.”

“Sounds like you figured it all out,” Banri watched as Itaru sat down on the floor - tapping his screen as he sped through his dailies, “I’m happy that you forced me into buying you food, I don’t think that I would have come back talk to you otherwise ‘cause I didn’t want to make your non-existent girlfriend mad.”

“Ah fuck,” Itaru muttered, his eyes darting up to Banri momentarily before returning to his screen, “You’re not mad that I did that at all?”

“Nah, it’s not a big deal. You needed it and you want to be anonymous on there,” Banri put his phone down, SP burned out from a string of encores and his team building wasn’t that great since he didn’t really care for the ranking SSR - but he needed to maintain his presence as a top ranker. Knowing that his sworn enemy in the ranking has been the man that was currently tapping his screen with his tongue poking out of his mouth, it didn’t make sense why he was living in a shitty apartment when he could obviously afford to get out, “I’ll let you get first if you make it back up to second.”

“Are we giving up our blood feud of ranking against each other?” Itaru stood up, dropping his phone on the bed next to Banri’s before going back to his bookbag - pulling out his laptop and setting it up - while he was off from work, he wanted to make sure that he was in the loop for when he got back, “I kinda liked the competition since nobody else goes as hardcore in the ranks as us. There is almost always a 5 million gap between second and third.”

“I’ll let you have Chai and you let me have Mika, the rest of the girls are fair game,” Banri clicked his tongue, “That sounded horrible, but you know what I mean. About Taruchi, the stream you did after we went to the arcade people, you said that I’m not a dedicated player two. Wanna talk about that?”

“Ah, you watched it, huh?” Itaru put his hand up to cover his face from Banri view - he was sure that Banri was streaming on his own channel like he said was going to do and didn’t realize that he would watch him. 

“Yeah, I got the notif and wanted to see what you would say about your hiatus,” Banri laid back on the bed, “Do you want me to be that?”

“Ah? Uh… I don’t know?” Itaru blinked at his email - pretending to focus on it, but he was clicking mindlessly through the different folders to try and not to overthink about it, “I’m fine with just non-dedicated co-op if you want that better.”

“What if I want to play as a dedicated player?”

Itaru glanced at Banri who was still staring at the ceiling. Was this considered flirting? It was a bit around the subject of what they needed to talk about and went straight to the point of do you want me around for the long run and he didn’t know if he was able to give Banri an answer about that yet. He was able to give Banri a temporary pass, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for anything more than a trial run - he was sure that Banri would get tired of having to deal with his shit eventually and he didn’t think he’d be able to handle that.

“Itaru,” Banri said his name as he sat up, opening his mouth to speak before he was cut off with a knock on the door. They looked at each other and then at the door - Itaru mumbling an apology before going to answer; the timing isn’t what most people would consider optimal in this situation but he was thankful that they were interrupted before someone’s feelings got hurt because he was terrified that if said he didn’t think he could do it. He blinked at Banri’s sister - who was looking at him with a smirk.

“Sorry for interrupting, but Dad said we’re going to order food and to get you guys,” She walked away and Itaru didn’t know what she meant, at least, he didn’t want to interpret that “sorry for interrupting.”. He just relayed the information to Banri who got up and put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from leaving the room. 

“We don’t have to talk about it yet, but think about it?” His voice was quiet as he spoke.

He looked… softer in a way; no cocky smirk or a knowing quirk of his eyebrow - just a shy smile as he leaned it, bumping his forehead against his in a gesture that sent butterflies through his stomach. Not the ones that he normally felt when he was nervous or panicking - the type that pounded around and made him feel sick. These were gentle and filled him with a pleasant warmth that made him want to hide his face because he was sure that he was blushing.

“Yeah,” Itaru nodded, he couldn’t make eye contact with him or even look in his general direction because he wanted to just disappear in his warm thoughts, “I will.”

* * *

“I used to come here a lot in high school,” Itaru sat down, the flat rock was big enough for the both of them. He found it with ease like he was searching for it specifically, despite the fact that he hadn’t been there for years - he led Banri with confidence down the hiking trail even with dim lighting, holding his hand as he navigated them off the trail and down to a small clearing next to the river, “Especially after what happened with Tsumugi. I know that we’re trying to not feel like shit tonight, but sitting here is like memory unlocked and I want you to know more about what happened..”

“We can talk about whatever you want,” Banri sat down next to him and watched as Itaru prodded at the dirt next to him with a stick. His dad had been adamant that they go out and do some exploring since Itaru didn’t have any major memories outside his house - they were doing their own exploring and they probably just wanted to give them time alone together since his parents seemed really happy that he had found someone, “Just don’t push yourself.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” Itaru sighed, looking up as he water - tossing the stick in and it sounded with a loud  _ plop _ as it broke the surface, “I guess from the beginning is a good place.”

“I wasn’t liked as a kid by the people my age. I wasn’t good at sports and I didn’t care to get good so as you can expect from this place, I couldn’t really hang out with anyone because it was always playing soccer in fields or running laps through town. I hate getting hurt and I can barely move faster than a light jog before my legs get confused and I trip,” Itaru pulled his legs up to his chest - resting his chin on his knees, “As you already know, I’m emotional and I cried  _ a lot  _ as a kid. People didn’t like the freak who cried and couldn’t play anything correctly. I really liked watching anime and my dad got me my first console when I was ten and I liked that I was able to have fun without having friends. It made me even more of a freak because nobody else cared about games or anime, it was a lot of pressure to take on the responsibilities of the family farm or other businesses. I wanted to be a knight, for a long time that was my dream and video games were able to let me live that dream of being someone who isn’t me.”

Banri could sense that he was rambling because he didn’t want to get into the worst of what happened since Tsumugi wasn’t even in the picture yet, but there must have just been a lot of things that he held onto that he never told anyone about. He wasn’t going to push him though, he wanted Itaru to open up on his own terms not that he felt pressured into doing so.

“During the summers, my mom would make me go around to deliver vegetables to some of the older people on our block, none of them really cared about me to the extent that Tsumugi’s grandmother did so I liked visiting her when I could. I’d do chores with her in the yard and help she’d teach me about flowers,” He spoke with a smile, probably remembering the times without the jaded outlook he normally had about things. Part of Banri was happy to see it, the other part was upset that he was so lonely growing up, “She was like an unofficial grandma for me. I didn’t meet Tsumugi until the summer before high school, he was homeschooled and never talked to me because he was really shy and thought I was like the other kids until one day I came over to hang out because the arcade was filled with the kids that we were afraid of.”

“Do you want to stop?” Banri put a hand out and Itaru took it, turning to look at him with a sad smile, eyes brimmed with tears.

“No, I’m just… this is the first time that I’ve talked about this part,” Itaru’s attention returned to the water, still aside from the occasion ripple from a fish swimming too close to the surface or leaves touching down, “I just buried it for so long that it kinda hurts to think about.”

“Let’s take a break then,” Banri reached out, brushing his hair out of his face and Itaru nodded. He just needed a breather to sort out his thoughts and sort himself out so he didn’t cry immediately.

“I texted my sister by the way,” He lifted his head and scooted closer to Banri’s side, resting his head on his shoulder. Banri had told him that he wasn’t going to leave him and Itaru had let himself get comfortable with him, “My parents would like to have us for dinner. If it’s okay with your parents, that is.”

“My mom likes going off and doing local things so that shouldn’t be a problem,” Banri wrapped his arm around his shoulders - it was still autumn but there was a chill once the sunset, so he wasn’t opposed to the warmth, “Are they cool with… you know,  _ us _ …”

“I think so? They weren’t mad when the rumors were going around,” Itaru’s eyes widened as if he had said something he wasn’t supposed to, “I’ll get to that part of everything just hold on. But they’re cool with that stuff, we’ve always been the less traditional value family around here.”

“Cool, I just wanted to make sure that I’m actin’ right around them,” Banri smiled even if Itaru wasn’t looking at him. He wanted to lighten the mood to help Itaru feel more at ease with the situation - Banri was someone he could trust and he was going to meet his parents, which was a big step even if they were officially a thing.

“I’m gonna try to keep going,” Itaru mumbled, shifting as he situated himself more comfortably against Banri’s side, “So, Tsumugi and I became friends really fast because he was like me. Too sensitive and he had hobbies that weren’t like the other kids, he was gentle with everything. He was always worried about me too. He was excited to go to school because he had me and I was excited because I had him. For the first time, we weren’t going to be alone. We’d do everything together, come to school and go home, go to the library to study. We were inseparable and because of that everyone targeted us. The two neighborhood pretty boys were hanging out all the time and well, it was a different time so they started saying that we were dating. That rumor spread like wildfire, people started bullying us and it was worse than what they did before. We were getting death threats because of it. Everyone was so mean.”

Itaru stopped, swallowing back a sob. Banri could tell this was hard but he was determined to let it out, he would have given up if he wasn’t. All Banri could do was give him the support he needed when he was done.

“It was a lot of that for the first year, Tsumugi had it worse than me since this was his first time actually interacting with people his age, he got really sad and would miss a lot of school because he was so upset he’d make himself sick. I mean, I think my anxiety and my depression really jump-started that year too. Summer came, I spent a lot of it holed up in my house because I was scared to see Tsumugi all the time because I wanted the rumors to die down, the month before school I made the effort to not see him at all thinking it will stop people from talking about us. I went back to school and Tsumugi wasn’t there, I asked the teacher if he was on the roster for another homeroom and she said no. People must have heard because they started saying Tsumugi was dead and it was my fault - it was my fault for making him weird like me and he must have been tired of having to live like me. I shut down after that, I thought I killed my best friend and I didn’t know what to do. I never went back to his grandma’s house because I thought I killed her grandson and she hated me,” Itaru gasped, his sobs coming out heavy and Banri pulled him close - letting him cry into his shoulder. 

He didn’t think that it would have been that bad - being blamed for someone’s death and being forced to live with that idea for years - he couldn’t even get closure because nobody would give it to him and he was too scared to face the person who could give it to him. He would have had to live that way forever and Banri couldn’t think how painful that must have been to see Tsumugi alive, years of his life wasted because he thought that the only person he cared about was gone. Itaru moved closer, his arms around his shoulders as he let out what Banri assumed to be years of repressed emotions. Itaru was quick to react to things with panic, but this was different and Banri could tell - he usually would try to push him away, but now he was grabbing at his jacket trying to press into him. He pulled away, wiping at his face before taking a few deep breaths.

* * *

“I just gave up, I became nothing when other people would see me. I stayed at home, took the train to the arcade in the next town over to avoid people seeing me, at school, I spent all my off time in the library studying or reading. I did that for my second and last year, on my exams I was able to get into a national uni and just left without looking back. I took all I could in two suitcases and moved to the apartments because it was all I could afford at the time. That was six years ago, but I feel like it’s been longer because for two years I was barely a person. Knowing that Tsumugi is alive… I felt like everything I did was for nothing,” Itaru stretched out his legs in front of him, putting their joined hands on his lap, “But I was able to create a new life for me doing what I want and I met you so it’s not like I just left one bad thing for another bad thing. There are a lot of details that I missed but I’ll tell you about them later.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Banri said that has been more than willing to wait for any amount of time for Itaru to come out with his secrets as long as he felt safe to do so, he wasn’t going to complain if it took Itaru months to get it all out, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“You reminded me a lot of Tsumugi at first and I think that’s why I started getting comfortable,” Itaru sighed, looking up at the sky, “But you’re nothing like him aside from wanting to take care of me. You’re kind of a mystery, Kazunari and Tsuzuru said that you were easy to piss off and I didn’t think that you would be the type since you’re so nice to me. But we haven’t known each other that long so I don’t know what you were like before.”

“Maybe one day I’ll talk about it with you if I feel like embarrassing myself,” Banri got up, dusting off the back of his pants - offering Itaru his hand again to help him up, “We should head back, it’s getting colder.”

Itaru stood, looking at the water again and sighing. He had more to say, but he just nodded. It was late and cold, Itaru had already shared a lot for now and cried more than he wanted to; he could wait for a little longer to get into the worst of the details, but he needed to clear the air on one more thing before they went back.

“Banri about the whole… player two thing from before,” Itaru breathed out, not realizing he was holding it in, ”I like you, but I… I don’t know if I can do that. I’ve never...” Itaru paused, trying to figure out the right words before he said them, “I don’t know if I can deal with it if you decide that I’m too much and leave too. I’m happy with what we have now, it feels comfortable… safe even. But I feel like if we put a label on it things will change.”

“Sorry for putting pressure on you,” Banri rubbed his neck, trying to process the rejection but it didn’t really feel like he was being rejected. He didn’t want Itaru to feel like he was going to flake out on him randomly because he’s come to terms that he didn’t  _ just _ like him - but he was in love with him, at least, he thought that he was going off what Kazunari described love as. He just wanted to be in Itaru’s little bubble he had built up for himself, even if he had to be someone else on the outside - he wanted Itaru to feel safe enough with him to be himself when they were together, “We don’t have to label anything if it’s too much, I don’t mind just hanging out like normal.”

“We can try it, but… just give me time?” Itaru didn’t know why he asked, Banri would give him all the time in the world and he knew that. 

“‘Course.” Banri’s hand slipped into his and he pulled him back onto the trail they took to get there, “I’ll be waiting and if you decide that you don’t want me, I hope you’ll let me stick around.”

Itaru nodded - he didn’t think that he would come to the conclusion that he didn’t want Banri. He was sure that the butterflies he started getting every morning so Banri could come in to make his lunch were because he liked how natural it felt having Banri in his space and taking care of him was because he wanted to live like that all time, but he wasn’t sure if that’s what Banri wanted. At the end of the day, Banri was four years younger than him and had so much to look forward to - his university and his career were going to take him places, Itaru was sure of it and he didn’t want to tie him down. He wasn’t selfish enough to want to ruin his chances of having a better life than playing caretaker to some depressed salaryman who could only find happiness in PNGs of anime characters for his entire adult life so far. He smiled, letting his expression betray the disgust with himself he felt growing in the back of his throat - he would just have to deal with it on his own for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	6. I Promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think that you’re supposed to be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler fluff bc ever other update is just ... angst and I've been having a Rough time lately so I wanted to ~spice~ it up and not make Itaru feel like me lmao

Standing in front of his childhood home, Itaru felt disoriented - everything looked nearly identical to how he remembered, unchanged and familiar but it felt like a dream. He blinked at the door - the ceramic plate that he had made with Tsumugi and his grandmother the summer before high school that read _Welcome to Our Home_ with little colorful stones and he felt like it was wrong to break the spell that seemed to be put on the house. Banri put a hand on his shoulder, leaning in and knocking on the door.

“Relax, they’re your family,” Banri smiled at him and Itaru nodded - they were his family and they knew why he did what he did. Hell, his parents helped him get out - they shouldn’t be angry that he didn’t come over, they knew that it was hard for him even if they didn’t understand why. The door opened and Itaru smiled at his sister, who stared at him for a few seconds.

“Oh my god,” He was practically tackled out the door, he smiled as his sister pulled away and flicked him on the forehead, “That’s for never visiting us, but god you’re so grown now.”

“Yeah, you look old as hell,” Itaru laughed as she slapped the back of his head. He and his sister didn’t have the best relationship, but they got along well enough that they were able to joke around like this. She always lacked a sense of empathy towards any of his situations growing up, always asking why he didn’t just play into what his bullies said and acted like the fragile, pretty boy they thought he was. 

“Ah, Banri this is my evil big sister, Mei,” He gestured to her, smiled as she rolled her eyes - sure they were probably too old to be acting like this, but they allowed to be dumb since they were family, “Mei, this is my… Banri.” 

He closed his eyes, cursing himself for fumbling up the introduction so badly - but he didn’t know if he was allowed to introduce him as his boyfriend yet so it came out like that.

“Your Banri?” She smiled at that, “Weird way to say boyfriend, but it might be a city kid thing you picked up that I don’t understand. Nice to meet you, Banri.”

“Likewise,” Banri closed the door behind him, letting Itaru lean on him as he took off his shoes - slipping on a pair of monster shaped slippers that were out and they left out a pair of plain slippers for Banri. He felt almost embarrassed that his parents didn’t offer him the same hospitality when he came over, but that wasn’t a planned visit and he was sure that Itaru felt well received by them just from the last 4 days of being with them.

“Mom and dad are out getting the groceries for dinner,” Mei sat down at the dining table and Itaru groaned seeing the picture albums that were laid out on the table, “So, I’m in charge of embarrassing Itaru with his dumb little costume pictures.”

“Didn’t tell me you were a cosplayer too,” Banri smiled as he slipped his arm around Itaru’s waist, guiding him towards the table. They weren’t _really_ dating, it was just the trial run but Banri made it incredibly hard to remember that since he was more touchy with him now - his favorite move, wrapping his arm around his waist to move him or to the side or from behind him, to watch him play his games over his shoulder. Itaru didn’t mind it, but he had to keep him from getting too comfortable before the warm feelings eventually destroyed him, “I’m sure you were adorable.”

“I can assure you that I wasn’t,” Itaru mumbled, groaning when Banri got close enough to see the open album, “Can we do this later, I wanted to show Banri around the house first.”

“Fine, mom would be worse and tell him _all_ about how you’d run around the house in your costume fighting imaginary monsters or dancing,” She smiled at them and Itaru groaned, “You weren’t even a little kid, you were like thirteen. They didn’t really change anything so have fun.”

“Even my room?”

“Mom refuses to change it just in case you visit, all your shit you left is still there,” She waved them off and Itaru nodded, taking Banri’s hand and pulling him towards the kitchen - he knew that his mom was sentimental and probably saved all the stuff he made on the fridge. He wasn’t opposed to Banri seeing his dumb childhood pictures or hear the stories, but it was too early he didn’t want to wallow in embarrassment for the rest of the night. 

“My mom is a massive advocate of cooking as a way to show love and appreciation for the people close to you,” Itaru said, watching as Banri looked at the clay pots that she collected when she traveled, “She taught me how to cook growing up and never let us order take out because all mealtimes should be special.”

“That’s hard to believe since you didn’t have a single pan in your apartment before I showed up,” Banri put the bag that he was carrying for Itaru on the counter - he stopped by the cafe before they left to pick up some pastries and cakes for his parents since he didn’t have much time to prepare something for them.

“I didn’t have anyone to show that I appreciated them before you showed up and you’re cooking dinner when I get back from work,” Itaru said, smiling as he pulled off a stack of drawings that was attached to the front of the fridge, “If you want me to cook dinner for you, I can. I wouldn’t mind doing it on the weekend. You’ll have to give me your cooking stuff.”

“Sounds like a plan. Little Itaru was quite the artist,” Banri said, watching as Itaru started flipping through the pictures and finding the one he was looking for. It was of Chai from Lovely Live, crudely drawn but recognizable.

“Lovely Live came out when I was in junior high, I was obsessed with it and I would ask my mom if I would be able to be an idol too,” Itaru smiled as he remembered how dumb that dream seemed now - he was sedentary and terrified of attention, so the thought of him as an idol was laughable, “So when you get to look at the photo albums, you’re going to get the rare pleasure of seeing me in my Chai outfit.”

“Like… her dress?”

“Yup, dress. Heels and makeup, all of it,” Itaru groaned remembering that Little Itaru wasn’t as embarrassed about doing anything at home so the amount of potentially life-ruining material in those albums was probably lethal, “I think there is also a picture of me in girl’s school uniform.”

He put the stack of papers back - the novelty of showing Banri his little art projects wearing off as he realized that this place was exactly the same as he remembered it. He felt more nostalgic than he thought he would and it made him uncomfortable in a way that he couldn’t describe. He tensed feeling Banri’s body against his back, chin on his shoulder.

“You alright?” Banri’s voice was low in his ear and Itaru nodded, putting his hand on Banri’s arm. He didn’t realize that he zoned out that badly until he wrapped his arms around his waist. He didn’t know what happened, Itaru said he wanted to try being… more than just friends and they went straight to acting like this without pause. It was scary, knowing that he was wanted so much by someone he liked, but not knowing if he was capable of returning it in full - but he could tell that Banri was happy being able to be this close. Maybe it was just for show since both his parents and Banri’s were under the impression they were dating and Banri wanted to make it look realistic. He didn’t know, unlike Banri, Itaru had no idea how to read any of Banri’s actions.

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Banri was whispering, probably to make sure that his sister didn’t hear and raise any flags about his state. “We can just go sit somewhere quiet for a bit, it’s probably hard to be here so just tell me what I need to do to help.”

“Just feeling a little weird about being here, It’s like I’m not supposed to be here,” Itaru turned in Banri’s arms, pressing his face against his shoulder - the closeness was a little overwhelming, but he calmed down when he inhaled with the familiar warmth of Banri’s cologne, “I’m really happy that you’re here with me, Banri.”

“I’m happy that you wanted me to come,” Banri mumbled, smiling at Itaru as he pulled away - Itaru smiled back, “You know that you’re welcome here, your sister was so happy that you’re here so I think that you’re supposed to be here.”

* * *

“Banri, don’t be shy,” Banri walked over to where Itaru’s mom was cooking and smiled as she nodded towards the bowl of rice, “Growing up, Itaru always loved helping me cook. He’d help pack his dad’s lunch every Saturday and help with dinner on the weekends.”

“Really? He hasn’t cooked for me yet,” Banri glanced at Itaru who was sitting with his dad at the table, he looked more relaxed and Banri smiled. He was happy to see him like this, he was normally so reserved and apologetic for existing but talking about his childhood with him, Banri was able to see past the walls that he built around himself to who he was at the core; a nerdy kid with dreams of being someone who was larger than life. He was sure that he fell more in love with him if that was even possible.

“Really? I guess with his job he’s probably tired,” She smiled up at him, giving him an approving nod as he showed her the shape of the onigiri he formed, “It looks perfect. Do you cook for him then?” 

“Yeah, I come over to make his lunch every morning and make dinner most nights,” Banri smiled, “Sometimes I take him out to eat, but I like cooking for him a lot.”

“I always told him, if you love someone that good food will show that you appreciate them,” She moved to work on something on the stove, leaving Banri to shape the rest of the rice, “How long have you been together?”

“Almost a month now? We instantly clicked and it feels like I’ve known him for years though,” Banri wanted to laugh at himself - he was honestly like a lovestruck puppy and he loved the feeling of being needed and wanted by someone who just wanted him. Not for the chance of fame, not the money or the connections - just him as he was as a person, “He’s really amazing and I hope that he sees how much I care about him when I cook for him.”

“Banri, do you have any pictures of your modeling stuff?” Itaru came over, watching as Banri worked on dinner, “Dad doesn’t believe me when I told him what you do.”

“Am I not pretty enough?” Banri chuckled when Itaru blushed and tried to refute it, “But yeah, my portfolio is linked on my inste. My recent campaign should be up already too.”

“Just a warning there are some… more risque photoshoots that I’ve done,” Banri whispered, smiling as Itaru’s eyes widened and face turned red, “Not like full frontals, but underwear campaigns and other stuff. Don’t have a nose bleed, alright?”

“I’ll try not to,” Itaru laughed, but Banri could practically see the gears of his imagination working as he opened up his page on his phone, eyes widening as he clicked through. There were some artistic photoshoots that he did with one of Tsuzuru’s friends that were definitely more risque than his professional ones and Banri liked them since he was able to put in some of his own creative input for them.

“These are… nice,” Itaru smiled as he looked up at Banri, “I’m going to try and avoid showing these to my dad though.”

Banri watched as Itaru joined his dad again and Banri laughed as Itaru practically yelled, his phone falling onto the table as he covered his face and his dad laughed as he hid in his hands. They were going to see them eventually if they became exclusive for real - Banri wouldn’t hesitate to show Itaru off on his profile and they would probably be connected back to that.

“You’re a model? Itaru wanted to be one of those… um, singing girls,” His mom laughed as she tried to figure out what the name was, “Idols? Yes, that, he wanted to be this girl named Chai. We bought him the official costume and everything, but he started getting self-conscious and stopped running around like that. I have videos of him performing but I don’t want to embarrass him.”

“He told me before,” Banri helped her move a pot to the counter, watching as she started blending the contents together and the familiar sweet scent of corn filled the kitchen, “Corn potage?”

“Itaru loved it growing up and to welcome him home, I’m making his favorites,” She smiled so proudly up at him and it was obvious that there was no ill will towards Itaru for leaving to the city and not coming back. The fact that they kept his room intact all this time in hopes that he would come back was enough for him to know, but the fond way that his mom was talking about him was all the confirmation that he needed, “I know that you came because of a death, but I’m glad that he’s home. Getting to the city to visit him isn’t easy since he’s working so hard all the time to coordinate and I know he’s not that great at planning things.”

“It would be nice for you to come down, maybe for the holidays?”

“I’d like that. Christmas is big in the city and I heard that they have nice light displays you can drive through,” She smiled at Banri as he shooed her away so he could strain the soup for her, the pot was heavy and it didn’t feel right to let her do it herself, “How Itaru got such a handsome and kind boyfriend is such a surprise. He didn’t seem like he was interested in dating and would get annoyed when I would ask him about his dating life.”

“I think we both didn’t expect to start dating,” Banri said, scrapping the pot out and letting her take over again. He liked cooking with someone else, the small talk and the maneuvering around someone was comforting in a way that he never really got to experience. He was the one who was primarily cooking for his family since his mom worked weird hours and his dad at most wanted to order them takeout when he couldn’t cook, “I was the same way, I hated talking about dating but now I just want to talk about him.”

“You said that you’ve been dating for almost a month, right? Me and his father met and were married within a month,” She nodded to the two at the table, “We met when I moved in next door after high school, I was having a hard time because it was my first time on my own and he must have noticed that because he came over with food and asked if I wanted to company. He was so sweet and I fell in love with him so fast, we’d spend every day together and he just understood me even when I couldn’t understand why I was upset.”

“Really? Itaru and I met when I moved in and I brought him food because he looked like he was having a bad day,” It was his turn to overthink now, but instead of doubt - he was filled with hope about their relationship with so many similarities with his parents, “I hope that we can have a relationship as strong as yours one day.”

“If you are planning on marrying him, you have my support. Itaru has always been difficult to understand so knowing someone is willing to figure him out and make him happy, that’s all I want as a mother,” She patted his arm and he stepped to the side, watching as she cooked, “You can go relax with Itaru, I can handle the rest of dinner.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping,” Banri washed his hands and she nodded - nodding towards the dining room where Mei had joined them and they were chatting happily, Banri didn’t want to interrupt them. He knew that Itaru talked to them occasionally, mostly over text since he had phone anxiety when he wasn’t at work, but he looked happy talking to them like this.

“I’m sure, go bond with the rest of them,” She practically pushed him out and Itaru looked up as he stumbled into the room, laughing softly as Banri awkwardly waved at them.

“We were just talking about what it’s like living in the city versus here,” Itaru said, pulling the chair out next to him and Banri thanked him as he sat down, “My mom grew up in a bigger city but moved here after high school, Mei lived in the city over for a while but it’s nothing compared to where we live.”

“Ah, I actually grew up in the suburbs outside the city but was there most of the time for school and work,” Banri said, watching as Itaru quietly tapped on his screen and Banri wanted to joke that he was such a nerd for playing so intensely, “I think the biggest difference is that in the city, people aren’t as obvious about judging you and even if they are the likelihood that you’ll see them again is so low that you start to care less about fitting in because there are more open-minded people out there that will accept you for whoever you are.”

“I’m surprised that you’d care about being judged since you’re a model,” Banri’s dad laughed but Banri shifted uncomfortably. He really didn’t talk much about himself or his issues, but he always did his best to hide his insecurities since everyone thought that he wouldn’t have them. The reality was that Banri had his fair share of them and his online and professional were curated enough that he always came off as cool and collected, but that only came after years of being ostracized by other people his age. After that, it just got worse - people only wanted to be with him because they thought that he was cool and a lot of surface-level friendships later he realized that he was getting screwed over because of them.

“Being a model is a job,” Itaru said, looking up at his dad before looking at Banri, “You wouldn’t expect the work version of me to be this way either. Being popular probably makes it worse, always having eyes on you even when you don’t want them to be.”

Banri smiled - he didn’t expect Itaru to stand up for him, but he was familiar with self-doubt issues with others' perception of him so it must have struck a chord with him too. It was quiet for a few seconds, but Banri sighed as he thought that now was the time to let Itaru know about some of his past.

“Actually, I grew up being judged by everyone. I was good in school so I was bullied for being a nerd, I started slacking off and people would talk about how I was doing it to look cool. I got fed up with it, started fighting everyone who wanted to talk shit about me, and then I was deemed as a violent delinquent,” Banri said, staring at the wall to try and not get angry thinking about things. He hated it, who he let himself become just because he didn’t know what people wanted from him, “My sister got me a gig modeling with her and I quickly climbed up to more professional and noticeable designers and then people started saying all the nice things trying to get me to hook them up with designer clothes or famous friends. Being in the public eye the way I am, I know everyone is judging me at all times. Good or bad, I’m out there as someone that people can look at and make assumptions about. It’s terrifying to go out and be hyper-aware of whatever you do might be documented and something will come out that isn’t true.”

“I never thought about it like that,” His dad muttered and Banri muttered an apology for getting so defensive, “It’s fine, you’re family now and we should be able to have these types of conversations.”

“Family?” Itaru and Mei said it at the same time, confused about the statement but Banri knew what he meant since Itaru’s mom basically welcomed him as a son before and his own family had a similar approach to welcoming Itaru in. _Our son never showed interest in anyone so you’re basically married now._

“Yeah,” His dad smiled at him and then at Itaru, “Itaru only ever bought two people to meet us and both of them have been extremely helpful taking care of Itaru so they’re all considered to be family. I hope that’s not too embarrassing for you, Banri.”

“Ah, no it makes me really happy to have your approval,” He was extremely thankful that they liked him and wanted to make a better impression, “I have to admit, Itaru is the only person who I’ve met since starting modeling that has accepted me for who I am completely. Without any questions or expectations and I hope that I’m able to make him happy despite not being perfect.”

Itaru stood up abruptly, face red as he excused himself to the kitchen as Mei laughed at his not so smooth attempt at an escape. Banri smiled, he knew that it was dumb and overly romantic to say something like that but he always wanted his family to know that he cared about Itaru and wanted his happiness more than anything.

“It’s weird that Itaru is so… expressive now,” Mei said and Banri wanted to ask what she meant by that. He knew that Itaru said that he closed himself off after what happened with Tsumugi, but he wouldn’t have expected him to pull away from his family as a result of all that. It honestly hurt him that he couldn’t even trust the people closest to him and it took the stroke of luck that was getting coffee instead of unpacking that they crossed paths the way that they did and he was able to open up again, “You can tell he’s in love because he defended you. He never stood up for himself before only for that idol girl he loves.”

 _In love._ The words hit like a stab right to the heart, critical and he was about to start gasping for air because he was sure that he was going to die. Banri laughed nervously, palms sweaty as he rubbed them against his pants - he never really felt like this before and he was scared of it. He liked Itaru and after what his mom said about getting married so fast, it felt possible that this wasn’t just him acting out because he was impulsive.

“I… I think I’m in love with him?” Banri asked as he sank low on the chair, flinching when he heard glass shattering behind him. He turned, seeing Itaru red-faced and wide-eyed as he apologized and immediately tried to pick the pieces up. Banri quickly moved, grabbing his wrists and cursing seeing that he cut his hands up badly in his stupid attempt at helping.

“I’ll take care of him,” Banri said and his mother told him that the first aid was in the bathroom. Itaru was still staring blankly as he was led away from the accident. Banri sat him down on the toilet, searching the cabinet for the first aid before settling on his knees in front of him.

“Were you lying?” Itaru asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he finally looked at Banri. He looked scared and Banri didn’t know if it was because he was hurt or because of what he heard Banri saying. He shushed Itaru as he hissed as the alcohol pad touched one of the cuts.

“No, I’m confused as hell about everything but I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with you,” Banri answered as he wrapped a bandage around his hand. There weren’t many and nothing was deep, but still seeing Itaru hurt made him worry, “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I just…. I have a feeling about you. About us and I want it to work, I want you to fully trust me because knowing you have doubts about me staying with you makes me fucking sick. I know you probably think I’m just young and stupid or that I’m going to regret this someday, but-”

Itaru’s lips were on his - too awkward and stiff to be considered a kiss, but Banri melted into it. Maybe it was just to shut him up but he was going to take it as a confirmation that maybe Itaru felt somewhat similar to him about this all. Banri pushed himself closer, reaching up to touch Itaru’s face - hoping that this wasn’t a dream and Itaru was really there with him. They pulled away and Itaru smiled as he touched his lips, his face was red and Banri was sure he was in a similar state.

“That wasn’t a good kiss, was it?” Itaru laughed as Banri finished patching him up.

“Dunno, never kissed anyone before,” Banri stood up and washed his hands before looking at Itaru who was just smiling at his lap. He looked cute and Banri was sure if he had to decide, he would die for Itaru. He didn’t even know what to say, he wanted to kiss him again but he didn’t know if that would be too much for Itaru to handle. One kiss was enough to sate him for right now, “But I really liked it.”

Itaru stood up, leaning in, pressing a kiss to his cheek and Banri was sure that this was a fever dream. There was no way that Itaru was taking the lead like this without hesitation. 

“I’m confused too,” Itaru mumbled it and chuckled softly, “I’m scared too, but I think… I think that I want to do this? I just need more time to figure it all out.”

Banri nodded - he would wait for Itaru to make up his mind and put all his thoughts together. He didn’t feel that he would be disappointed but he knew that if he backed Itaru into a corner, he probably would run in the opposite direction. Yet, he was fine with Itaru backing him into corners and testing things out at his own pace. He wasn’t patient but for Itaru, he could try his best to be - he’s already said his I love you and he could tell that it was just at the tip of Itaru’s tongue.

“Take your time, I’ll be waiting for however long you need,” Banri settled with a kiss to his forehead - innocent enough that he would combust but it was close enough to being the ending to his sentence. _I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/Diceboyfriend) (locked rn, but feel free 2 rq!)
> 
> [Twitter 4 a Banri Zine](https://twitter.com/SSR_NEO) (I'm running an interest check and it's a free for solo banri/ship content if you'd like 2 check it out!)


	7. Hello, I'm Taruchi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me in december: fluff only >:(

“Itaru,” The door opened and he was greeted with a warm smile, “It’s been a while since your last visit, almost a month now. I’m happy to see you looking so healthy.”

“Ah, thank you,” Itaru walked into the office and sat down on the couch - looking at the homely decorations, “I got a really sudden wave of anxiety about coming and just kept putting it off. Then work picked up and a lot has happened in the last two weeks that I need help sorting out.”

Itaru watched as the older man opened up his file - thick notes from the last six years, all accumulated into one massive folder that held his past and fears like the outline to a tragedy. Therapy was the first thing he decided on when he moved out, settling on a practice that was close to the apartments and he liked the old man enough that he stuck with him for this long. 

“Is there a specific place you want to start with? It’s been a while so I assume that life has been going on for you,” He smiled, pen poised on an empty page - ready to lock Itaru’s thoughts and words down forever.

“I brought a list,” Itaru pulled a post-it out of his pocket - his handwriting messy and he hoped that he was able to read it.  _ Banri. Tsumugi. Am I capable of love?? Meds. _

“Banri? He’s a new name,” The post-it was handed back to him and he sighed when he realized that he was going to start talking about things in detail, “Tsumugi is your friend from high school? Ah, this is around the time that -”

“Tsumugi is alive,” Itaru cut him off, he knew that he was going to say that it was the anniversary of his death, “But to get to that, I need to talk about Banri first.”

The hour seemed to fly by - Itaru rambling about Banri and Tsumugi the whole time before he was warned that he only had ten minutes left and he needed to ask about getting a refill for his meds - which was given to him before he headed out. He didn’t really get into the harder-hitting questions that he had about if his fear of intimacy was grounds for concern, but he set another appointment for the next week to continue to sort things out. He felt better about things now, just talking about everything out loud and being able to think about how he reacted to things helped him settle a few of the more intrusive thoughts he had about Banri and him. He knew that if he was as confused about moving forward, he would have removed himself from the situation as soon as he could - him staying and allowing himself to get swept up with everything about Banri without hesitation. It wasn’t like it was because Banri was moving too fast that he couldn’t stop it, but he encouraged himself to seek more out. 

“Before you go, if you’re concerned about your capability to love Banri back,” The older man smiled at him, “You’ve let him fly this close to the sun without issue, don’t let your fear make him burn. We can talk more about this next time but seeing how happy that you were talking about your time with Banri. You are capable of love even if it takes some time for you to come to terms with things, it seems like you are on the way to let it happen.”

Itaru nodded and thanked him for his time, trying not to overthink what he said during the session. He didn’t even think that he said anything wrong or too worrying, just talked about what happened in the last week in particular. The week he had spent in his hometown felt like he was living in a dream - Banri and him had spent the remaining days lazing around to rank or going to the local spots that were still open that he used to go. But once they got back, reality hit him hard and he wanted to push Banri away out of embarrassment for how he was acting while they were together. He wasn’t normally so vulnerable, but he also felt like just being in the environment he grew up in and being able to go around without fear of something happening, he was just able to enjoy himself and he got carried away.

Stopping by a conbini to grasp some snacks before heading back to the apartment, he was sure Banri would catch him and try to hang out despite needing to oversee the planning with the contractor about the renovations he was planning and he hoped that he would be convincing enough to get Banri’s attention off him by having food already. While they were away, Tsuzuru had finished up with Banri’s apartment and that was going to be the model for building-wide renovations for all the vacant rooms and they were getting started on mapping out the empty rooms, planning the hallways and lobby redesign. Itaru has been staying out of their way so Banri could work, but he didn’t mind the silence in the apartment because Banri did have a job to do and Itaru wasn’t so needy to keep him from getting things done. As for his job, everything ran smoothly while he was away and he didn’t have much to prepare for coming back aside from some minor questions about how conversations went down, so he was in the clear to just screw around for the night.

“Hey,” Banri called for him as soon as he entered the building and Itaru smiled as he came over and pressed a kiss to his forehead, “The contractor just left so I’ll be up soon, just gonna work some things out.”

“Take your time, I bought some lunch while I was out. I was thinking about doing an IRL stream tonight,” Itaru was nervous about it, but he had more packages that he knew what to do with and he wanted to open them on stream to thank his viewers for being generous and sending him things. A face reveal was the last thing he thought he’d be doing, but he felt more comfortable enough now that he could consider it at all, “Would you mind being my moral support?”

“That’s fine with me,” Banri rolled his eyes as his phone started going off, “That’s my dad so I gotta take it. It’s still early so if you want to head out in a little bit to go get food for the week, I have to stock up for your lunch this week.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Itaru smiled as Banri huffed as his phone started up again. Banri smiled as he picked up his phone, leaving Itaru with a parting kiss on the cheek before returning to where the plans were laid out. Itaru smiled as he entered the elevator - he was happy that he had Banri around and that coming back to the apartment was less lonely now. And with Banri’s initial cleanings and minor changes with lighting, the place seemed more lively and inviting now. He wasn’t sure about the details of what was going on but he knew that Banri and his dad were planning on fixing things up to market it to university students so it was going to be a big renovation from top to bottom. The door opened to their floor and he hummed as he opened the door to his apartment - smiling when he saw a box on the coffee table.

_ Thanks for giving me a chance, I thought you’d like her. Make sure you take care of her - Banri  _

He rolled his eyes and he sat down, dropping the bag on the couch next to him before opening the box. He nearly died - the holographic packaging of the pop up limited figures. He knew that they existed, but he wasn’t one of the lucky ten people that were able to get a figure. He pulled out the box and gasped, smiling as he saw Chai through the little plastic window - her hair was in little pigtails and she was wearing a cute little bikini. Itaru wanted to take her out to display but that felt like collector’s sacrilege. He took a picture of her, he was thankful for the better lighting in the living room so he could take a good picture to upload. 

**_Special Stream tonight! Opening up packages from you guys with a face reveal with a ~special guest~_ **

It was a stupid caption but he just needed to promo the stream since he’s been gone for much longer than he thought he’d be with the last-minute emergency. This was vague enough that it would make people come watch despite the hiatus.

* * *

“I’m scared,” Itaru smiled as Banri set up some of his lighting equipment in his room - Itaru had an amazing set up for gaming, not for showing his face so he was thankful for Banri lending him his equipment, “What if they think I’m ugly?”

“They won’t,” Banri laughed at his concern, “You’re literally hot as hell.”

“I’m not,” Itaru turned to bring the boxes over, trying not to look at Banri because his face was warm and he didn’t want him to have more ammunition to embarrass him. He was often called handsome by his coworkers, but he worked an office job and the people in his department specifically were older guys who are married so he just felt like the go-to target because he was somewhat young and single, “I’m just sort of average, especially compared to you and your overloaded charisma stats.”

“You do realize that I have spent a lot of time with people that the world deems to be the hottest and sexiest of all time, right? Sure you’re a bit plain with how you dress, but you could easily make it as a model if you wanted to,” Banri sat back, trying to make sure the camera was set up properly, “I mean it, you heard me say that I thought you were attractive that first stream even when you looked like you were about to cry in the hallway. You are hot and if people want to call you ugly they’re stupid and blind.”

“Ah speaking of that stream, I’d like to keep the neighbors thing a secret. I don’t want people to think that I’m a sad salaryman by day since I recognized some of the names in your chat,” Banri laughed again, but this one was nervous and he spun the chair to look at Itaru.

“That gonna be an issue because I’ve been saying that I’m hanging out with my neighbor a lot so if we say Taruchi is hanging out with me a lot, those viewers will still know that I’m talking about you as my neighbor,” It didn’t make much sense as it came out of his mouth but Itaru understood and nodded.

“Okay well, I guess they’re going to know,” Itaru smiled as he came over to Banri, biting his lip as he took a chance and settled himself on his lap. He was stiff until Banri wrapped his arms around him and he relaxed. He wasn’t going to let Banri burn, he just needed to trust himself and go with it. 

“First you kiss me and now you sit on my lap, you know, you’re going to kill me?”

“I talked about you today,” Itaru was talking quietly, he didn’t like talking about his emotions but Banri has already heard the worst of him so it felt okay to do, “In therapy. I talked about how you showed up and now I feel like I hit unpause on my life. I… I don’t know if I can love you but I’m sure that whatever I feel about you is good.”

“Why can’t you love me?” 

“I’m scared that if I do, something will happen and you’ll disappear,” Itaru leaned back, flush against Banri’s chest as he leaned his head back against his shoulder. Banri smiled at him, his face turning red as Itaru reached up to touch his face, “I know you said that you wouldn’t do that, but life happens and you might get a better opportunity somewhere I can’t follow.”

“Itaru,” Banri shifted and sighed, pressing a kiss against his shoulder, “If I get a job somewhere else in the world, I’ll take you with me. But right now, I’m here, and if it ever comes to having to make that decision we can make it together.”

“I just don’t want to hold you back, you’re still young and I don’t want to take experiences from you,” Itaru smiled when Banri rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine with making experiences with you,” Banri’s hand ran over his thighs and Itaru quickly pulled away, “But I’m not ready to do all of that yet. I want to take my time and work up to things if that’s alright with you?”

“I’d like that,” Itaru stood up and Banri smiled as he pulled his hoodie off - pulling on a yellow varsity jacket with dragons going up both sides of the chest. It was ugly, but Banri wasn’t going to tell him that, “We can talk about this all later, I’m getting more nervous about the stream the longer we wait.”

“I’ll be right here to MC you if you need help,” Banri got up, letting Itaru take back his seat and watching as his whole demeanor changed and he set up the screen to the starting one as he went live. He was definitely in the zone as he adjusted the different settings, typing hellos in chat as people trickled in. The title changed and he sent out the notification, _Mail Opening +_ _Face reveal with NEO!,_ and almost immediately the viewer count entered the triple digits.

“Hello? There are a lot of people here,” Itaru turned his mic on and laughed nervously, but switched screens to the camera, “Don’t all rush to call me ugly at once.”

He smiled as the chat exploded with emotes and keyboard smashes - his reveal obviously being well received by his viewers. 

“Ah, this is NEO if you don’t know him you should follow him on inste at B-A-N-R-I period and on his channel NEO,” Itaru gestured to Banri who smiled and waved, “He’s the guy I talked about last time and I’m really sorry about another random break after I said I’m back, there was a family emergency on my end so I had to go out of town for a while.”

A few messages were wishing him well for whatever happened and Itaru thanked them - his entire demeanor changed from nervous to relaxed as he chatted like it was second nature to him. He smiled and laughed, leaning back in his chair as he answered some questions about the visible things in the background.

“I think the numbers are pretty steady, so I think we can start opening the packages, and hopefully everyone who sent things in is here,” Itaru rolled his chair back and grabbed the figure that Banri gave him off the bed to show it off, “First, I wanted to show you this amazing gift that Banri gave me. It’s the Chai SummerStage popup shop figure and I’m conflicted about opening her up because there are only ten of them in existence and it feels wrong.”

“Ah, I have another one that I opened if you want her,” Banri laughed when Itaru looked at him like he grew two heads, “She was in the lottery if you spent the um… a lot of money and I spend double that so I think they gave me her as a way to say sorry that I’m such a loser for spending so much on merch. She’s your girl so I trust that you’d take care of her.”

“We can talk about this after the stream because I am about to cry thinking about how nice you are to me,” Itaru smiled as he put her down on the side of his desk and grabbed one of the boxes behind him, “But let’s start opening things! I rarely buy things online so opening packages is exciting.”

Banri handed him a pair of scissors watching as he cut open the tape carefully - reading the chat and smiling when he recognized a few of the names from his own chat who were excitedly talking about how they were happy for a Taruchi/Neo crossover stream.

**☆ Muku-prince: My two favorite streamers together O.O**

“Ah, glad to see you could join Muku,” Itaru smiled as he looked at the stack of boxes, “I have your package somewhere on my pile, so I’ll open it up next. This one is from NEO that he sent before we started hanging out.”

**☆ Muku-prince: ah wait does this mean that taruchi is the mysterious salaryman and Banri is the possible player 2 you were talking about ??**

“Oh god,” Itaru chuckled reading that and Banri could tell that he was nervous again - not about being on camera but of having to answer that, “Well, Banri and I are trying things out right now. So please give us time to figure things out.”

**☆ Muku-prince: Of course, I’m happy that you guys are friends and I’m looking forward to more streams with you both!**

“Yeah, hopefully, Taruchi will be down for more IRL streams,” Banri smiled as Itaru finally settled on a way to open the box without dropping it off his lap or blocking the camera, “He was nervous about doing this but he seems to be in better shape now.”

“We can do more IRL streams if I had something interesting to do instead of just chat,” Itaru smiled as he clapped, “Anyways, I see a letter so let’s get started.”

Banri’s package was a few of his merch drops, mostly hoodies which Itaru was happy about. But he surprised him with a custom Gucci keychain he pulled from his pocket unceremoniously that read Itaru on the company’s signature fabric; Itaru wondered how he was able to get this done in the few weeks they have known each other, especially since they’ve been together at all times, but it must have been a perk of working for a luxury brand.

“They wanted to make me another one for the last campaign I was in but I get one every time I model for them so I asked if I could get one for the guy I was planning on courting,” Banri smiled as Itaru attached it to his keyring, next to the various magical girl wands he already had on it, “But we kinda went faster than I thought you’d want to.”

“It was the circumstances,” Itaru smiled as Banri leaned back in his seat, a smug smirk enough to make Itaru get flustered again - he wasn’t sure if he believed in love at first sight but it felt like that’s exactly what happened with him and Banri. But it was a two-way street and Itaru felt like he was put on a secret route of his life with a sudden love interest that he’s now going to dedicate his time to learning about, “But thanks for the loot, I will probably steal a few hoodies from you if given the chance. Hand me that box with pink tape.”

“This is from Muku, who has been a long time viewer of mine and I guess of you too,” Itaru smiled at the little drawings on the box and opened it, trying not to gasp with excitement seeing the plushie that was in the center, “Banri, it’s like the ones you got for me at the arcade. Thank you so much, Muku. I took them off my bed before streaming but hold on,” He got up and grabbed the rabbits from where he tossed them out of frame, “I love plushies so I’m definitely going to let her stay on the bed with the rest of them.”

“Banri won me those two at the arcade to prove that he’s a UFO catching god,” Itaru said, taking the letter out and reading it to himself. He wasn’t close to his viewers as some other streamers, but Muku was an exception since he was always in the chat and recommending him new visual novels to play and recommending manga and anime which Itaru always looked into since he never got recommendations for stuff he’d actually like from others. The letter was sweet, going over how he would watch his streams when he was recovering from an injury and how he made his days better, “Muku, thank you so much for this. I hope you’re doing better and I will put your recommendations on my watchlist.”

The rest of the packages were straight from the warehouse, so less personal but still appreciated. The pile of gifts on his bed grew and he made sure to thank everyone in earnest for spending their time watching his streams and videos and for supporting him. This has been his life for the last five or so years and this was the first time he was able to face his audience without hiding behind a game - people who were like him and had their bad days and turned to his content to cheer themselves up, people who supported him when he admitted that he sometimes had a hard time getting himself to stream and he told him to take his time to get better and they would wait. 

“Before I end the stream, I wanted to thank you for all the support and the kindness you’ve given to me. If you’re a long-time viewer or a new one, thank you so much for everything,” Itaru wiped at his eyes, laughing when he saw the wetness on his sleeve, “Ah, I’m crying already because this is so much.”

“I wanted to remain faceless for as long as I could out of fear, thinking that if the world IRL was unaware of Taruchi and my life online that I would have a fighting chance at being an average person. But I realized a lot of things recently and I finally know that I was my own enemy the whole time. Everyone always viewed me as a put-together adult who was dedicated to having a good life and future because I work so hard, but I’ve just been overworking myself to fill in the stagnant void of my everyday life. I thought that’s what people wanted from me and I wanted to be that person that everyone liked and was acceptable to everyone. But that’s not who I am,” He took a deep breath before continuing. This was taking more courage than he ever thought he was capable of having, “I met Banri about two weeks ago and he’s seen who I really am. All the worst parts and some of the good, but he’s allowed me to be comfortable with myself. I was always seeking other people’s approval even if it made me feel like shit because I thought that is how I would get a good ending. But it’s tiring to keep pretending when I don’t have to.”

He looked at Banri and smiled, this was the hardest part. Not spilling his emotions about how he hated what he was doing but finally letting his two worlds merge. The social repercussions if anyone he knew watched this be damned, he could make new friends who actually liked him for who he was instead of the perfect cardboard cutout of a person he acted like he was. He was going to be himself now, he didn’t need to be acceptable to other people because Banri liked him as he was and that’s what mattered to him.

“My name is Chigasaki Itaru, I’m 24 and I am Taruchi. It’s nice to finally meet you all. Thank you so much for accepting me all these years and I hope you will continue to support me. And I’ll see you guys soon. Promise.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't know about an update next week bc xmas is a thing so see you in the next chapter whenever that is. (also a muku cameo bc i think about him a lot)  
> [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/Diceboyfriend)  
> [Twitter 4 a Banri Zine](https://twitter.com/SSR_NEO) (I'm running an interest check and it's a free for solo banri/ship content if you'd like 2 check it out!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise chapter bc I was gonna skip ahead a week in the story but then it was brought 2 my attention that ppl wanted to see Banri's POV of the i love you, I quickly wrote this up for a lil end of the year treat

_ Is that okay?  _ Itaru looked at him like he was scared - almost as if he thought that Banri would slap him in the face by saying no. He couldn’t even think about what hoops Itaru had to jump through in order to think that Banri would say that it wasn’t okay.

“I love you too, Itaru,” Banri kissed him again and smiled as he took his hands, holding them in his lap and smiling as he tried to figure out to say without it being the cringiest words that Itaru’s ever heard. So he settled with another kiss, “And of course, that’s okay. I promise that I’ll do my best for you.”

“I wanted to buy us a cake for tonight but I got distracted by you at the cafe,” Itaru laughed as he pulled back, the distance just enough that he wasn’t tempted to keep kissing Itaru.

“I bought one when you left,” Banri got up, taking a deep breath to try and settle the butterflies in his stomach. He felt like an idiot for how happy he was, but this was his first confession and he was excited about the fact he could daydream about the future they might have together now, “I hope that you like strawberry shortcake since I didn’t know what you wanted, but it’s my favorite from there so I picked that.”

“Sounds nice,” Itaru followed Banri into the kitchen, taking a deep breath as he watched Banri move around the kitchen with blind familiarity. He started on the rice, looking back as he nodded towards the fridge and Itaru blinked at him in confusion.

“You wanted to cook together, didn’t you?” Banri smiled as Itaru slowly came to his senses - probably mulling over everything that just happened and forgetting their original plan. Hell, it was hard enough for him to do it himself and he’s been sure that he was in love with Itaru for the last two weeks, he could only imagine the confusion Itaru was feeling, “You’re free to use whatever we bought the other day, I picked up some meat from the butcher earlier since I thought that it would be nicer for a date night.”

“Date night?” Itaru blushed and Banri wanted to ask him just how his brain worked that he was embarrassed about that, but not how he was practically climbing into his lap to kiss him before. 

“Yeah, us cooking together seemed like a date idea and well, I want to call more things dates instead of just hanging out,” Banri shrugged as if it was no big deal, but he knew that Itaru could tell that he was trying to play it cool. He was a good actor, that’s why he was on this path but he was a little too honest when he couldn’t figure out these emotions until it came at him at full speed.

“I’d like that,” Itaru smiled as he opened the fridge, humming as he took things out and mumbled to himself. He opened the paper for the meat and looked at Banri, “This looks expensive.”

“It is,” Banri chuckled as Itaru set it on the counter, backing away as if it could sense his fear, “I can cook it if you don’t want to, I thought it would be nice to go all out for you.”

“I am a 500 yen bento kinda guy, you know? I don’t think the idea of expensive steaks has ever crossed my mind seriously,” Itaru moved behind him, placing his chin on his shoulder and watching as Banri set the rice cooker up, “Do you think that I’m really worthy of it?”

“That’s a stupid question and you know it, I gave you a figure that is literally priceless because I knew you’d like it,” Banri smirked when Itaru’s arms slipped around his middle - he could get used to this, having Itaru hovering on him while he cooked for them. It was nice to feel him near, “Want to do the most for you.”

“You are literally the rich boy VN route, you know?” Itaru giggled at his own observation, “seemingly closed off, with a heart of gold. It’s hard to believe that I won you over.”

“Shit, Itaru, just go cook before I get too distracted,” Banri hated how Itaru was able to reduce him to this - a flustered and embarrassing version of himself that he didn’t even think was possible. He was Banri Settsu - a cool guy with tons of fans and followers of his cool and carefree persona. But with Itaru he was just Banri - free of all expectations, moving at his own clumsy pace at something that didn’t have a right way to do things. He was naturally good at things - random skills like Rubik’s cubes, yo-yoing, or remembering things right before exams. But this wasn’t something he could learn and master immediately - Itaru was unpredictable and it wasn’t like romance came with an instruction manual. He was on his own to figure things out and he just hoped that he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself.

Itaru moved away and started arranging the vegetables together on the counter - Banri smiled, he watched his mom do the same thing when he cooked with her. He nodded to himself, once they were acceptable to him - separated into three piles for the dishes he planned on making. Banri passed him the cutting board and a knife, he didn’t have many standout kitchen pieces like Itaru had back home. Only essentials for a basic meal since he wasn’t planning on someone wanting to cook with him happening as fast as it did. 

“Got the menu for the night planned?” Banri asked, watching as Itaru swayed gently as he hummed.

“The meat is going to be the main dish since it’s expensive, so thinking just a few light sides would be good. Unlike you, I’m not good at making menus only making the food,” Itaru sighed as he looked at Banri, smiling as he shook his head and returned to cutting the vegetables, “But this is nice, even if you’re just watching me.”

Banri smiled - he felt like he was doing a lot more of that in recent days and he was surprised his cheeks didn’t ache from the near-constant grin he wore when Itaru was close to him - and sat down, he wanted to get out of Itaru’s way while he cooked. He felt like the luckiest person in the world just to be in the presence of Itaru - no matter what he thought of himself, he could only see the good in the man that was currently mindless swaying as he cooked; lost in his own world for a moment. Maybe it was the rose-tinted glasses he had on because this was his first encounter with love and he was oblivious to what could be considered bad - but all Banri cared about was the future he and Itaru could share together. Itaru could quit his job, move in with him and stream while he was at school to earn income if he was worried about that - Banri could easily take care of him for a good while with his trust fund alone but he also earned a fair bit of income with his modeling just to claim self-sufficiency - and then once he finished school, maybe they could get married and move somewhere less invasive than the city and start their own little life like that. 

“Banri, I can’t focus when you’re sighing and smiling like a teenage girl in love,” Itaru smiled, putting everything down before coming over to sit on his lap. Everything was so domestic and Banri pressed a kiss against Itaru’s arm, “Let’s raincheck cooking together, I just want to be with you right now. I love you.”

“You’re comfortable saying it now, huh?” Banri accepted the kiss that Itaru leaned in to give him - his arm wrapping around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss. It was awkward, Banri didn’t know what to do with his tongue when Itaru’s slipped in his mouth but it was perfect just because it was Itaru. They parted, red-faced and panting for breath - it took all of his strength for him not to ask Itaru if he wanted to get married right then and there. Itaru smiled, pressing more kisses along his jaw before whispering it in his ear. A breathy  _ I love you _ before he hid his face in Banri’s neck. He didn’t know how they moved so fast, but he wasn’t going to complain - he was happy, “I love you too, Itaru.”


	9. These foundations I've built

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “His mom told me that things happened almost exactly like with me and him, I just was thinking that maybe it won’t happen in a month since we are still in the trial mode of a relationship but maybe sometime in the future? Can you imagine me being married?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluffy filler? Yes, but this also like "Important filler episode" so please bear w me. Happy belated holiday 2 everyone who wished me a good one, I hope you had a good week and thank you so much for reading this is a long winded rambly fic of my brainworms so Im happy that people are reading it. I love you and hope you have good day!!

“Banri, it’s been a while since we’ve sat down for coffee like this,” Banri looked up from his phone, smiling as Tsumugi sat down across from him, “You were too embarrassed to be seen with me if I remember correctly.”

Banri rolled his eyes - stubborn as ever in admitting the once upon a time, he wasn’t cool enough to be seen hanging around with just anyone. Especially not with someone who was well-known for tutoring high school students. Banri didn’t actually need his help with school stuff, but he was around and his mom insisted that Banri get some pointers from him. Tsumugi was a planner and motivated, while Banri coasted along without really caring.

“I watched Itaru’s stream the other day, the one he did with you,” Tsumugi smiled at his coffee before shaking his head, “He’s the same as I remember him, a bit more confident now.”

“I didn’t expect him to go all out at the end, but he started crying after he ended the stream,” Banri smiled, trying to comfort someone who was crying out of happiness  _ and  _ panic wasn’t easy but it ended up with them cuddling on the couch and Itaru telling him why he felt like he needed to do that. He was scared of the repercussions of being out online as himself, but he also was scared of letting himself fall into another hole of hiding a part of him when he didn’t need to and he didn’t  _ want _ to.

“Ah, still the same crybaby Chigasaki,” Tsumugi giggled as he sipped on his coffee, “Don’t tell him I said that, but he was always sensitive and would cry about a lot of things. I’m glad that he’s still soft even after everything we went through. After everything I put him through.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about what happened? You moved in with us for two years and I just thought that you moved here because you wanted to go to a new school. You never told me about anything with Itaru or the rumors,” Banri leaned back, drumming his fingers on the table before sighing.

“Banri, you were still young and I couldn’t in good conscience tell you about it all. You were getting into all sorts of trouble and I didn’t want to add more to your plate,” Tsumugi reached out and held his hand, “I didn’t want to talk about either.”

“I thought we were close enough that something that major would come up even once,” Banri squeezed his hand and smiled as he shook his head, “I thought that you would be able to trust me after everything that happened.”

“Banri, this isn’t the place,” Tsumugi pulled his hands away, taking on the tone that he used when he was doing his tutoring work, “I never talked about it because I never thought that I would need to. I didn’t think Itaru would come back into my life, much less be a part of yours. I’m happy that he is able to be open and honest with you about the past, but it’s taken him almost ten years to speak so comfortably about it.”

“‘m sorry, I just... I feel a little betrayed that I had to learn about it from someone else. After all the nights after you moved out that I called you because I needed someone to talk to because you were the only person who I was comfortable with,” Banri rubbed at his nose, a sniffle the only sign that he was upset, “Just… forget I’m going to order a coffee before I get more upset.”

Tsumugi nodded, unable to figure out how to approach Banri with any logical explanation - Banri was a smart kid, but he reacted with extreme emotion when he was upset and it was usually with him getting aggressive. Tsumugi knew that it wasn’t so much of an intimidation tactic as other people used to say, but rather Banri not knowing how to actually process his emotions properly. He knew his home life was good in terms of material things, but he also got to see the lack of communication that went on - his father was the worst culprit, only ever talking to Banri about the future and what he was going to do for a career. It got worse when he found out that he liked being in the spotlight and wanted to be an actor, minor acting parts in local theaters or commercials weren’t well received and met with the questions of “what are you  _ actually  _ going to do.”

“Tsumu?” He looked up, smiling as Itaru came up to the table - Banri behind him, “I didn’t think that you and Banri would be hanging out here together.”

“It was last minute and he invited me,” Tsumugi smiled as Banri pulled the chair out for him and set the tray down, “I thought you were working?”

“I am, it’s lunch and I wanted to put an order in for tonight. Then I saw Banri looking like he was going to punch a hole in the wall at the counter,” Itaru smiled - he looked just as cool and collected as he did on his stream the other night before he started getting personal. It was hard to believe that he was the same person that Tsumugi knew and loved from before, “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, I’m sorry I didn’t get to catch you guys last week. I was only able to take the Monday off and had to be at work by Tuesday night,” 

“It’s alright, me and Banri were mostly holed up in our room playing games anyways,” Itaru swirled his straw, the ice in his drink loudly clacking together, “Being there with just him brought back a lot of emotions so I think if you were with me, I would have died.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Banri smiled as Itaru held his drink up in front of him and Banri leaned in to take a sip - Tsumugi smiled. They were so in-sync and looked so happy together, “That‘s good. Itaru just went up and said  _ yeah with cake please _ and they knew what he meant.”

“I am a regular here so they just know what I normally order since it has never changed,” Itaru smiled as Banri took a bit of his cake and pushed the plate towards him. He mumbled thanks and leaned in, pressing his cheek against Banri’s shoulder in a subtle display of affection before turning his attention to the cake, “I thought Tsuzuru would be here today, wanted to thank him for putting the last minute order in for the cake last week.”

“I think today was an orientation at his university that he’s helping at,” Banri said, taking his 

Tsumugi smiled at their display - of course, he was happy that both Banri and Itaru were happy, having seen them go through so much they deserved it. But it felt  _ wrong.  _ Itaru who pulled away from him because of the rumors that he was dating another boy to the point Tsumugi thought that he had abandoned him and couldn’t get out of bed from the grief that he had to move away just to be able to move on and Banri who was always insistent that he going to be a loner that he refused to give him the time of day when Tsumugi confessed that he liked him a few months ago. 

“Tsumu, what do you do?”

“I’m a psychologist and work part-time as a tutor for elementary and high schoolers,” Tsumugi smiled, “Not as exciting as a model or actor like Banri, but I enjoy it a lot.”

“Sounds a lot more fun than pushing papers for a living,” Itaru smiled as he leaned in on his arm, “It’s really nice to see that you’re doing well and doing something that you liked. You wanted to be a teacher when we were in school, tutoring is a good start for teaching.”

“You remembered! “ Tsumugi beamed as he covered his mouth - faint red tinting his cheeks, “I mean, I only mentioned it in passing back then. I didn’t expect that you would hold onto that information for this long.”

“I think I remember everything that we talked about, especially about the future,” Itaru smiled as Tsumugi looked at him, blushing with embarrassment from his honestly, “When you disappeared, everyone said that you died and I would go out to the river where we hang out and think about what our future would have been like if you were still around even though I moved here for university, I would think about it.”

“Itaru,” Tsumugi placed his hand on the tabled and Itaru put his hand in his, smiling as he squeezed it, “I’m sorry that I didn’t get to tell you myself, I was scared that it would hurt you if you knew that I was leaving. But I see now that I was being selfish. Please forgive me for all the pain I must have been the cause of.”

“I was never mad or upset at you, Tsumugi, I always thought it was my fault,” Itaru looked down, wiping at his face and Banri clicked his tongue as he grabbed a tissue, handing it to Itaru and rubbing his face.

“Let’s change the topic, you still have to get back to work,” Banri said and Itaru laughed, wiping his tears away before leaning on Banri’s shoulder, “Twenty minutes until you have to be back right?”

“Yeah, I should probably go back now just to make sure that I have everything ready for my meeting later,” Itaru sighed and wrapped his arms around Banri’s, “I just want to stay with you guys though.”

“You can quit your job and I’ll take care of you,” Banri smiled and laughed as Itaru slapped his arm. It was obvious that he was serious about it but Itaru wanted to pretend that he was joking to make it a little less awkward.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that someday but right now, I need to get back to my office,” Itaru stood up, grabbing his coffee before pressing a kiss to the top of Banri’s head and waving to Tsumugi, “I’ll try to set up a night for us to hang out and just catch up, alright?”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Tsumugi smiled as Itaru made his exit, watching as Banri took his seat - finishing the remaining cake, smiling as shook his head. Tsumugi could tell that he was thinking about living with Itaru - Banri might have been oblivious to his own emotions, but it was obvious to anyone who talked to him. He said something with the full intention of going through with it and already was playing out the scenarios in his head - it was cute that someone who acted like he was so cool was always so far in his own daydreams. Before it was about being a famous actor and now it was about Itaru and their future together. Maybe that’s why they got along so well, they had the same hopes and dreams after all.

“Banri, you’re so in love,” Tsumugi giggled as Banri choked on his bite, “I remember when you said that you wanted to be alone.”

“Thought that’s why I wanted, but Itaru came in just ruined all my ideas of what I thought I wanted out of life,” Banri sighed, smiling at Tsumugi, “I met him when he got stuck outside his apartment because it got stuck. Came back to bring some food over because I was going to be doing renovations and wanted to be on his good side, he said that he hadn’t eaten and well, you know how that would freak me out. It became a daily thing because I thought he was cute and wanted to make sure he’s okay.”

“I hate to think about how he was living before you came along, I’m glad you’re taking care of him, I know how big your heart is even if you deny it,” Tsumugi  _ was  _ happy that Itaru had Banri to take care of him, he was never good at self-preservation and it was the reason that Tsumugi and he got so close in the first place. Now it was Banri’s turn to do the same, he only hoped that Banri wouldn’t run away the same way he did.

“I met his parents already, his mom said that I have her blessing and his dad said that I’m already a part of their family so I was thinking, maybe that’s something for down the line with us. I wouldn’t mind if he quits his job and moves in with me, I don’t have to pay rent right now and he would be able to make streaming a more full-time thing while I’m at school. What do you think?”

“Aren’t you going a little fast? I mean, it’s obvious that you both are in love, but have you thought about things in the long run?” Tsumugi drank more of his coffee, hoping that Banri wouldn’t notice his lack of enthusiasm at the idea of them getting married.

“His mom told me that things happened almost exactly like with me and him, I just was thinking that maybe it won’t happen in a month since we are still in the trial mode of a relationship but maybe sometime in the future? Can you imagine me being married?”

“Yeah,” Tsumugi smiled and nodded - he could easily imagine Banri as someone’s husband since he’s imagined that life for himself for a little while. Once Banri graduated and was just out on his own, focusing on bettering himself and his modeling career - Tsumugi was able to see that he was becoming a wonderful man, one that he wanted to see things through with, “You would be an amazing husband, Banri.”

Like a sign from whatever deity was watching over him came as a phone call - which Tsumugi excused himself outside to take and Banri just nodded as he took out his phone.

To > Itaru ♥ - what do you want for dinner tonight? 

From > Itaru ♥ -whatever you feel like cooking, might get off early tonight since I have a meeting 

To > Itaru ♥ - nice, want me to wait for you? We can cook together

From > Itaru ♥ -sure, we can play house after lmao

From > Itaru ♥ - but i’d like that :) see you tonight 

To > Itaru ♥ - Alright, glhf w the rest of the day

From > Itaru ♥ - u2 ♥

Banri wanted to combust - he was in too deep with Itaru that just a heart emoji was making his stomach do backflips like he just won the lottery and excitement was bubbling up that he couldn’t stop himself from smiling at his phone like an idiot. HE didn’t know if Itaru felt the same way as him at all - he knew that he liked him enough to try dating and that would say as much in front of an audience of over a thousand people during his stream. But he wasn’t sure if dating was just a casual thing or if wanted something more further down the line.

“Ah, I’m so sorry Banri,” Tsumugi came back, red-faced as he started gathering his things, “There’s an emergency that I’m needed for. I’ll call you tonight if you’re not busy.”

“Be safe, I hope everything turns out alright,” Banri patted his arm, accepting the half-hug he was given before he was out the door. He knew that Tsumugi’s jobs put him in crossroads for these kinds of things and he was honestly a saint for it - providing free tutoring for kids who needed it and often came from bad backgrounds, he sometimes was the only adult support they received and he was often put down as emergency contact if they were in trouble. Banri knew what it was like, he did the same while he was in high school and everyone was so shocked that someone so young was the one bailing him out of trouble - but Tsumugi was the only one who  _ would _ show up for him. He loved Tsumugi; he was the one who put him on the right path, told him to find the one things that excited him and to chase after it - without hearing that, he would have just continued to do whatever was handed to him without thinking about it in the long run. But he never could  _ be in love _ with Tsumugi - not that Banri disliked him or didn’t find him attractive because that was definitely not the case - but the fear that if they didn’t work out, it would ruin their relationship, and that wasn’t a risk Banri even wanted to consider taking.

He got up, collecting the dishes and returning them to the counter. He didn’t know what Itaru wanted to order before getting sidetracked with him, but he figured that it was he wanted cake since he’s been talking about it but he wanted to surprise him with something different since he just had a slice this afternoon - he settled on the strawberry shortcake since that was something that he knew he liked himself and Itaru seemed to have a sweet tooth so it would work out,

* * *

“I’m home,” Itaru called as he took off his tie and jacket - he took off his shoes at the entrance, humming as he turned on the lights and wandered around before getting worried that Banri didn’t immediately greet him like he normally did. He pulled out his phone, his text still unread and he was about to send another one when the bathroom door opened.

“Ah, I was…” He stopped, blinking as he took in the sight of a nearly naked Banri standing in front of him - the towel wrapped around his hips doing just enough that Itaru didn’t feel the need to run out and hide in his own apartment. He only saw Banri like this in his photoshoots, but in real life, it was obvious why he was so popular as a model - the light definition of his muscles, highlighted by the dampness that still clung to his skin from his shower.

“You’re early,” Banri said, smiling as he pointed to his room, “I’m going to get dressed first unless you want to keep looking. I don’t mind giving you a show.”

“Shut up, oh my god.” Itaru groaned and covered his face, turning around as an extra measure to make sure that Banri went and got dressed.

“Alright, I’m getting dressed,” Banri laughed and Itaru waited with his back turned until he heard the door close. He felt warm and he was sure that he was about to have a heart attack imagining what Banri meant by  _ giving him a show _ . He smiled as Banri came out of his room, dressed in sweats and a hoodie as he toweled off his hair. 

“Sorry I didn’t give you a welcome home kiss, you are really early and I just got back from a run,” Banri smiled as Itaru leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He was getting more comfortable with the affection, short-lived kisses slowly becoming drawn out as they both tried to figure out what to do with their hands and how to prevent their noses from bumping into each other. Banri usually would figure it out and lead Itaru into it, the both of them pulling away flushed and unable to make eye contact, “Want to keep kissing or start cooking?”

“We can kiss more after dinner,” Itaru pulled away and wiped his lips, “I wanted to talk to you anyways.”

“That sounds a little ominous, but alright,” Banri pushed his hair out of his face, tossing his toss on the coffee table before turning his attention back to Itaru - pulling him onto the couch, letting him settle himself.

“Were you serious? About wanting me to move in with you?” Itaru looked at him, his expression unreadable and Banri didn’t know if he just got himself on the shit list for rushing or Itaru was genuinely considering it.

“Yeah, you don’t have to quit your job if you don’t want to but I have the room here that you could take for your own bedroom and office, wouldn’t make you pay rent or anything,” Banri shrugged and Itaru nodded, slowly as if he was deliberating over the information.

“So basically roommates? Just for now, until I’m sure about everything,” Itaru leaned into Banri’s hand as he caressed his cheek, smiling as Banri leaned in again - Itaru meeting him halfway for another kiss, slow and practiced. Itaru was sure this was what he wanted, Banri’s lips reverently claiming his like he was something to be desired and the promise that there was more that Banri wanted, “Fuck it, I love you.”

Itaru pushed himself against Banri - desperate for more contact as his arms wrapped around his shoulders, kissing along his jaw before burying his face in the crook of Banri’s neck - the smell of his soap still strong as he breathed against him. 

“Itaru? Are you okay?” he nodded, smiling as Banri held his face in his hands and forced him to look at him. He looked concerned and confused, but Itaru just nodded as he tried to kiss him again - the magic was fading and he needed more before the regret hit, “You’re crying, Itaru,” Banri mumbled, accepting the kiss but pulling away to wipe at his face. It was tender and Itaru blinked as he let the tears fall, his forehead pressing against Banri’s as he let himself go. 

“I love you,” Itaru repeated the words, quietly as if he was testing them out instead of letting Banri have them. He always thought he was a fortress - a little rough, but able to be broken down if someone tried hard enough to get through. But he realized that he just like this place - a rundown apartment building with tenants that would leave a mark on him all while ignoring the sounds they would hear through the paper-thin walls, the problems that were concealed just enough that anyone could ignore it if they didn’t care. He didn’t need to be broken down and reclaimed by someone better, he needed someone to work with him and fix everything he let break over the years. He needed Banri.

“Banri, I love you,” He said it with more confidence this time, looking Banri in the eye and putting his hand over the one’s Banri still had on his cheeks, “I love you and I’m sure that this…  _ all of this _ , is what I want. Is that okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me 🤝 Banri + Itaru  
> speed running this relationship 
> 
> [my Twitter :)](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	10. Would you want to marry me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know that I’m yours completely. I’m yours. I’m your soulmate and I’m going to marry you one day, okay? "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter? Not good because I literally stopped existing for the last 2 weeks, but this is as close to the original idea as I was able to get it. 
> 
> CW for this chapter: alcohol consumption, intoxication

“Morning,” Banri stretched out, smiling as Itaru glanced over to him - his eyes were obstructed with the glare from his phone in his glasses. It was still too early for either of them to get out of bed, but Itaru had all his dailies that he needed to get done before he was tied up with work. They were in the process of moving Itaru into his place before the month was up, which was easier than they both expected since Itaru really didn’t have much stuff to take in the first place, but they took his bed apart first since that was his biggest piece of furniture. Now he was lying comfortably in his bed in one of his hoodies, shifting closer and resting his head on his chest.

“You’re awake early,” Itaru smiled up at him, stretching and pressing a kiss against his chin, “You can go back to sleep if you want.”

“And miss seeing you with your glasses? I don’t think so,” Banri brushed his hand through his hair, chuckling as Itaru groaned in embarrassment. Banri knew that he wore glasses after the week away, but somehow Itaru was always so quick to put his contacts that he never got to see him in them, “You look good in them, should wear them more often.”

“They give me headaches if I wear them too long because they’re not my current prescription,” Itaru laughed and took them off and held up, “I got my eyes checked but didn’t have the money on hand to pay for a new pair and then just forgot about going back.”

“If we’re done moving your stuff here before Saturday, after my shoot we can go do that and then go 

out for. a date. Since I have orientation on Sunday and my classes start on Monday, I want to have one real date before things get too hectic,” Itaru pouted, probably not realizing that he was since he would never pull such a cute face knowing that he was being watched.

“An eye appointment date? Doesn’t sound too fun,” Itaru sat up, stretching again before swinging his legs over the side of the bed as if it required that much exertion. He plugged his phone back in and looked over his shoulder, smiling as he watched Banri set his plush rabbit on his pillow, “But I’d like a date, I’ll think of ideas for us.”

“Don’t think too hard, I have an idea already,” Banri smiled at him, still obviously tired as he pulled the blanket over his arms and smiling as he watched Itaru take his work clothes out of his closet. It was a temporary set up since Banri needed to install a rid in the one in Itaru’s soon to be room, but he liked the idea of them sharing the space- his closet, his bed. 

“You always have an idea,” Itaru turned to look at him, his smile soft and genuine as he took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand, “I’m going to shower and get ready, but I wish I could stay in bed.”

“You can if you quit,” Banri smirked when Itaru huffed, rolling his eyes as he gathered his things to leave.

“You just said that you’re going to get busy with school, focus on that before you start thinking about that stuff,” Itaru left without adding anything more. Banri smiled as he looked at the rabbit on the pillow - unlike the ones that he had displayed on his bed, but he could tell that it was well-loved. There were patches of missing fur and it was slightly greying, but it was obviously bright pink at one point in his lifetime. Itaru was initially embarrassed about letting him see it since he wasn’t in pristine condition but it was a comfort item and with a little reassurance, Itaru introduced him to Mr. Bunny. Banri got up, tucking the plushie before grabbing his phone - he had seen Itaru do it the day before, right before he left and he probably didn’t think he would notice. But Banri was home and came back to see it in bed to see it.

He was tired, but he wasn’t going to let time with Itaru go to waste - if he could get cooking out of the way while he showered, he was free to hang out with him before sending him off to work. He could just get back into bed once he left and get up before he had to meet Kazunari for lunch. Things have been hectic since he had to leave his attempt introducing Itaru to him and then it spiraled into them leaving town and him trying to get everything together before he started university and he hadn’t really the time to catch up with his friend - especially about the Itaru situation.

He pulled his shirt off - tossing his ratty sleep shirt on the bed and stretching as he looked through his closet for something to wear. He never was able to get back to sleep once he woke up and he pulled on a neater looking shirt just to make himself feel a little more put together - he checked his messages as he walked into the kitchen, clicking on family names he’s worked with and closing the messages in disappointment. He thought they might be job offers, but instead, they were party invites. He declined them since he was too busy trying to juggle everything and he would rather just hang out with his small group of friends or just lay around the apartment.

He started making the rice, putting his phone on the counter to play through his game while looking over his menu that he made for the week - notes about what Itaru liked scribbled in the margins of the paper. He wasn’t sure how he would manage to make dinner while he was doing school, but he was sure that he would manage just fine and Itaru would adapt to it. He smiled at the thought of coming home after his late classes and seeing Itaru cooking for him made him happy, maybe he would wear a little apron and greet him with a kiss - a sweet little taste of domestic life that he wanted so badly. 

“You could have stayed in bed,” Itaru wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder, “I’ll take over so you can wash up. What are you going to make?”

“Don’t know yet,” Banri rubbing the hands that were clasped around him, the sleeves of the white long-sleeved shirt pulled over his hands, “What do you feel like having?”

“I’ll think about it,” Itaru let go of him, “But since it’s really early, we can go to a cafe before I start. You’re going out with Kazunari, right?”

“Yeah, but you want to have a little breakfast date?” Banri smiled as Itaru put his hands on his cheeks, his fingers were cold but Banri wasn’t going to complain when Itaru pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose - smiling as he pulled away.

“If I say yes will you make fun of me?”

“I didn’t make fun of you when I watched your little dance videos your mom showed us,” Banri kissed his cheek, stepping past him to get to the door, “I’ve been saying I want to go on a date with you, why would I make fun of you for asking the same for me?”

“Because you're the one who usually takes initiative with things, I don’t know if you want me to do that or if you rather I just follow along,” Itaru sighed, “I’m just overthinking things, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about that because knowing you want me makes me happy,” Banri smiled when Itaru blushed, nodding as covered his face with his hands - similar to the ways that bashful characters would, giggling as he turned away. Banri was sure that Itaru was under the impression that they were in some set relationship dynamic despite everything else about what they were doing being them winging it.

“Ah, just go wash up before I say something dumb,” Itaru pushed him and Banri laughed as he stumbled back into the hallway. He stole a kiss before heading to the bathroom - he pulled his hair back into a ponytail, washing his face he slapped his cheeks - feeling the slight stubble he sighed, he wasn’t opposed to growing facial hair but he didn’t feel like it suited him. Maybe when he was older and he could grow into it - maybe Itaru if liked that he would try it out. He didn’t think facial hair would suit Itaru, but the thought of them both growing old and stop caring about looking good for anyone but each other was cute. 

**

“Settsuar,” Kazunari hugged him, beaming at him as he shoved a gift bag into his arms, “Tsuzuru heard from Itaru that you’re dating and he’s moved in. Way fast, but you guys did look like you were totally in love when I saw you that first time. Tsuzuru said he’s a lot happier now when he stops by the cafe too.”

Banri smiled hearing that - he knew that Itaru talked to Tsuzuru but he thought that their conversations weren’t that personal. It wasn’t like Banri was jealous that Itaru was getting more comfortable with people other than him, especially since he knew Tsuzuru was able to help him if anything was to happen.

“Well, it’s not like a married couple moving in, we’re going to set up his bed in the room we thought about turning into a closet,” Banri let him in, “Since he’s been coming over every morning after getting ready and we usually hang out here. Figured it would just work well for us.”

“Oh for sure, you guys are inseparable and I’m kind of jealous that you get to spend all your time together,” Kazunari smiled but Banri could see that he wasn’t completely happy saying those words, “Tsuzuru has been pulling more shifts around town, I can barely keep track of where he’s working anymore. I brought up us moving in together before but he said that he needs to take care of his brothers.”

“He’ll come around, his brothers are young and there are like twenty of them so he needs to help out around the house,” Banri didn’t quite know how to respond to Kazunari’s concern - Itaru wasn’t that busy doing anything once his day job ended and liked hanging around him so there haven’t been many times they’ve been away from each other if they had the opportunity to be together. He didn’t know how things would change when he started uni, but he was sure that he would be able to manage just fine, “Plus, he’s probably working more for a reason.”  
“I know, it just sucks that I come home and it’s just… empty,” Kazunari sighed as he sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him, “Anyways, we’re moving his stuff in here right?”

“Yeah, we disassembled everything moved it into the living room for so it should be easy enough to get it all together,” Banri smiled as he thought about how Itaru whined the whole time that he was taking his bed frame apart how he just wanted cuddle while laying on the floor next to him - it was a mostly unproductive time, which is why it took a week to get it done. Banri couldn’t ignore Itaru’s attempts at getting his attention and they would get sidetracked and end up having makeout breaks on the floor, “Why don’t you and Tsuzuru go on a date this weekend? Even if it’s just having him stay the night with you for a lazy night.”

“That’s an idea, but he’s so tired and I don’t want to bother him because I’m needy,” Kazunari laughed, shaking his head, “He takes care of some many things, I don’t want him to feel that he needs to do the same with me. I want to make him feel good about hanging out with me, don’t want my bad vibes to bring him down, you know?”

“You’ve been dating him for a while, I don’t think he’d be upset if you want to spend time with him, be a little needy and  _ show _ him that,” Banri mumbled the last part -he didn’t know what it meant but it came out and Kazunari looked at him with a ‘knowing’ smirk. The only thing was Kazunari didn’t know anything because Banri didn’t know anything either.

“Oh, Settsuar, tell me all the deets. Does Itaru show you how needy he is?”

“Ah,” Banri took a step back, tripping as thoughts filled his head about what that could mean - none of them being things he wanted to share with anyone, “Shit, we haven’t done anything like that, dude. I haven’t even seen his arms yet.”

“Arms?” Kazunari looked away, trying to figure out what the hell that meant because it was such an odd statement but Banri was sure that he hasn’t seen Itaru not wearing a hoodie or a long-sleeved shirt - he said he was always cold and Banri didn’t question it since he’s woken up a few times during the week feeling his ice-cold feet dragging against his shins.

“Yeah, he likes wearing my hoodies and puts one on as soon as he gets home,” Banri smiled as he grabbed his keys, “He’s really insecure so I feel like he might just want to wait to get more comfortable.”

“Is moving in not peak  _ I’m comfortable  _ behavior to you guys?”

“I don’t know, Kaz, this is the first relationship for the both of us so we’re navigating it as best as we can,” Banri shrugged, unlocking the door to Itaru’s soon to be former apartment, “I would give him everything that I can, but he’s still on the fence about getting too vulnerable but we’re moving smoothly I think.”

“Whatever works for you guys. But Banri, I’m saying this friend. Make sure that you both know what you want out of the relationship before diving headfirst into it. It’s obvious that you want so much more than just being cute boyfriends in the long run, but what about him? Have you talked about that?”

Banri swallowed - shaking his head and picking up one of the boxes. They didn’t talk about anything like that, Banri just assumed that they would progress on Itaru’s time and eventually make it to the end goal that he’s been thinking about. He didn’t know if Itaru wanted that - a life together as a family, their own house, and all the works. 

“Shit, I didn’t mean to make you upset,” Kazunari sighed as he grabbed a box, “I’ve gotten in the habit of ruining the mood lately. I’ll just leave once we’re done building.”

“It’s fine, I just… we never talked about that and I just started thinking that Itaru and I might not be on the same wavelength and freaked myself out,” Banri smiled, he wasn’t going to let hypothetically ruin his mood, “When we’re done, we’ll go out for drinks. It’s going to be late enough once we’re done with the room.”

Three hours later, they were settled in a booth in a somewhat rowdy bar filled with university students - four empty pints sitting on the table while they worked on their third. They spent a majority of the time working in silence after Banri mild panic about the future, neither him nor Kazunari wanting to make the mood worse so they decided drinking was the best method of getting back into a light mood. But Kazunari wasn't able to handle his alcohol and was significantly relaxed now, crying about how he feels like he doesn’t deserve Tsuzuru as a boyfriend because he was a fraud of a person. Banri didn’t understand why because he didn’t explain it because he was trying to talk him down from calling Tsuzuru to break up.

“But he only knows that happy, funny, popular Kazunari that I started pretending to be in high school,” He hiccupped as he leaned on Banri’s shoulder, “But I’m just a loser and he deserves more than that.”

“Kazu, didn’t you guys meet when you were in middle school?”

“Yeah, why does that matter?”

“Because he knows that real you and still decided to date you after seeing you pretend to be happy putting on this act,” Banri was annoyed because he thought it would be fun to drink with Kazunari, but he was playing tipsy therapist and just wanted to go home. He loved his friend, but he was too much when he was drunk when he was happy - but being a sad drunk was way too much for Banri to handle, “I’m going to call him to pick you up, okay?”

“No, he can’t see me like this,” Kazunari whined but didn’t make an effort to stop him from calling his boyfriend. The call was short, Tsuzuru’s concern obvious in his voice as Banri told him that Kazunari was drunk and needed to be picked up but said that he would be there soon. Banri downed the rest of his beer, pressing the button for the server to get him another pint. Kazunari pushed his half-full glass in front of him, huffing as he leaned back and Banri finished it off. He didn’t normally drink this much on a casual Friday night, but the thought of Itaru rejecting him one day if he decided he wanted to propose was gnawing at the back of his mind and he wanted to dislodge it.

He didn’t know when Kazunari left but he was seeing double as he called up Itaru - resting his head on his hand as he tried to focus on the ringing. He smiled when he heard Itaru’s voice, but it fell when he heard the worry.

“Itaru, are you okay?” He was sure he was slurring his words as he spoke, but he knows it wasn’t bad enough for Itaru to not understand him

“I’m fine, where are you? Are you okay?”

“M fine, just at a bar,” Banri hummed, trying to remember the name of the place or at least a general area he was in, “Uh, it’s across from the club The Fallen by the university.”

“Okay, I’ll come to pick you up, just stay there and stay safe.”

Banri put his phone down - staring at the table and flinching when he felt someone touch him. He looked up, Itaru’s face coming into focus and Banri could tell that he was crying - his eyes were red and puffy. He struggled to stand up, panicking as he put his hands on Itaru’s face - but Itaru just shushed him. He was pretty sure that he just ended the call but he checked the timestamp of his call and it was twenty minutes ago. 

“There are too many people in here,” He mumbled, wrapping his arm around his waist to support him. He was helped into the car and Itaru started crying, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he rested his forehead against the steering wheel. Banri was confused; wasn’t he happy to see him?

“Did something happen, Banri?” He looked over and Banri still didn’t understand why he was upset, he was just drinking with a friend.

“No, why?” Banri groaned as he leaned back in the seat, his head pounding as he tried to force himself into sobriety because he wanted to help Itaru feel better. He wasn’t even that drunk, just a little tipsier than he was used to so he was unsteady on his feet.

“I’ve been texting you for hours without a reply, I called Kazunari and he said that he left you around five, there were like ten glasses in front of you. Did I do something to make you upset that you needed to drink so much?” He could hear Itaru’s voice rising in pitch and he was scared he would have a panic attack and his muddled up brain wouldn’t be able to help him.

“No, I just… I was drinking with Kazunari who was talking about breaking up with Tsuzuru and then I started thinking that one day you might want to break up with me and needed more to drink and just kept going,” Banri rubbed his face and Itaru just nodded, he wasn’t drunk but his brain to mouth filter was shot dead.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Itaru smiled, wiping his face and Banri recognized the hoodie as one of his own, “Let’s go home, I’ll help you wash up and get you to bed.”

“Itaru, would you get upset if I wanted to get married?” Banri watched as Itaru smiled and shocked his head, he took one hand off the steering wheel - Banri didn’t even notice that the car was moving already, but Itaru grabbed his hand and held it while he drove.

“Do you want to get married?” Itaru was driving slower than normal, most likely for Banri’s sake, and seeing the city rolling by, the faint hum of some OST that Itaru had on and the gentle hold Itaru had on his hand was comforting. 

“Yeah,” Banri’s head lolled to the side so he could look at Itaru who was focused on the road, “I love you so much, Itaru, I never thought that I would be able to love anyone because of how much of a shitbag I was. Even when Tsumugi told me he was in love with me, I didn’t believe him because I didn’t think I deserved it.”

Itaru tensed, glancing over at him, and took his hand back - pulling into his parking spot before sighing. He smiled at him, his face still red and puffy from what Banri assumed to be hours of crying about him - but he didn’t look as upset as before which took some of the burden off of Banri’s conscience. He felt guilty for worrying him so much and wanted to make it up to him somehow, but wasn’t able to think clearly on how to do that so he just smiled as he brushed Itaru’s hair out of his face.

“It doesn’t have to be soon,” Banri mumbled as he continued to stroke his cheek, “We can wait a while, but I want to be your husband.”

“We can get married one day, Banri,” Itaru whispered, smiling as he leaned in to press a kiss against his cheek. He went quiet as he looked away, but he didn’t know if Itaru had more to say and was just sitting on his words before letting them out, “I promise that I’m yours as long as you want me.”

“I’ll want you forever, Itaru. I think you’re my soulmate,” Banri said, smiling as he nodded and sank back in the seat. He was overwhelmed but he knew that this is what he wanted out of life - he didn’t have much time to think about the words before they came out of his mouth, but he figured that if the thought came up it was how he really felt.

“I think you’re really drunk,” Itaru smiled as he opened his door, getting out and coming over to get Banri out. He didn’t say anything about what he had confessed, but Banri was sure that Itaru was just deflecting to get his thoughts together since it was a lot. Banri could wait for him to get his thoughts together but he was a bit disappointed that he didn’t react as happily as he thought he would. Banri wasn’t much of an overthinker, but he was definitely jumping to the worst possibility that Itaru wasn’t that into him. He didn’t even register the walk to the elevator or the ride up, he was too far in his thoughts. Itaru opened the apartment door and he fell onto the couch, wrapping his arms around Itaru’s waist and pulling him onto his lap. He was blushing and cleared his throat, wiggling out of his grasp since it wasn't strong.

“Do you not want to be my soulmate?” Banri caught his arm before he could leave - why would Itaru brush him off if he wanted him so bad. He would have agreed, kissed him to remind Banri that he loved him and that they were meant to be together just like Banri would do for him.

“Banri, you know that I’m yours completely,” Itaru smiled as he came back over, running his hand through his hair and Banri wrapped his arms around his waist, “I’m yours, I’m your soulmate and I’m going to marry you one day, okay? But you’re too drunk for my confessions to mean anything to you. Let me save them?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing quite a bit on the "fandom contribution" this year so here is the rundown
> 
> [Banri Zine](https://twitter.com/ssr_neo) \- A Banri-centric fanzine for Banri likers! All ships and all content types are welcomed. The deadline for applications is on January 15,
> 
> [Banita/Itaban Week 2.0](https://twitter.com/banitaweek) \- Trying this again, how fully with more people participating because I'm going to promo it this time. The dates are going to be April 18 - April 24. The interest check is open until February 1.
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend) where I desperately plea for people to promo these events.


	11. Once In Lifetime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry 4 the late post,,, trying 2 function is sucha pain and I wanted to abandon this but decided i will die if I don't so will probably just ... speedrun the scenes I wanted to write just to get them out who know i have no motivation 2 do anything that isn't rated E 🤠

“Holy shit,” Banri groaned when he sat up, searching for his phone to shut off his alarm and finding it under Itaru’s pillow. It wasn’t even his phone, but the alarm said “wake up banri” so he figured it was set just for him.

“Good morning,” Itaru was in the doorway, wearing his apron and his bangs were tied up in a tiny ponytail just at the top of his head, “I bought you some aspirin, how’s your head?”

“It’s pounding a little but I can manage,” Banri accepted the medication and water from Itaru who was brushing his hair out of his face - climbing onto his lap and blushing as Banri immediately took hold of his hips, “Mhm, are we gonna do this to make me feel better?”

Itaru’s eyes widened as he shook his head, laughing awkwardly as he scooted back so they had distance. 

“No, I need to see if you're focusing,” Itaru held open his eyes, smiling as Banri’s pupils quickly narrowed, “Alright, you’re good. Even if you’re being embarrassing.”

“I mean, I wake up in just my underwear and have this gut feeling that something happened last night that is making me feel like we’re even closer than before,” Banri smiled as Itaru shoved his shoulder.

“The only thing that happened was you got really drunk, got really emotional and started saying that you want to be my husband and we’re soulmates,” Itaru blushed as he looked down, “Then you were about to pass out for I could only get your clothes off before you were complete dead weight.”

“Shit, I can’t believe that I’d be that embarrassing,” Banri let go of his hips and rubbed his face, “You can just forget about everything I said?”

“I don’t think so,” Itaru draped his arms around his shoulders, “Not when you made me worry for hours that you were dead somewhere, but instead of you were thinking about how I might break up with you because I don’t want to marry you one day because of Kazunari? I don’t know, you dumped every thought you’ve never told me last night.”

“You seem happy about that,” Banri helped Itaru get off his lap, tossing a shirt at him before Banri could get up.

“I like knowing your thoughts because you never tell me about how you feel,” Itaru smiled as he made the bed, ”You were talking about how you wanted to be my husband and have a little house together. I just listened because I didn’t think you’d remember any of it.”

“You’re not scared that I want so much, so fast?” Banri sighed, wrapping his arms around Itaru from behind, happy that Itaru relaxed so naturally against him. It’s taken some time for him to not immediately tense and pull away from him when he would do this, but Itaru was extremely affectionate and now he was more honest with his need to be held - even if he didn’t say it outright. Banri noticed how Itaru moved from the edge of the bed to right next to him when they were going to sleep, no longer stiff as he’d wrap an arm around his waist.

“At first I was, but I realized that I don’t want to be scared of being vulnerable anymore,” Itaru sighed when Banri pressed a kiss against the side of his neck, “I love you and I never thought that I would be able to say that to anyone, we’re moving fast but I feel comfortable with it. Thinking about the future is exciting because I know that you can see one with me.”

“How poetic, Mr. Chigasaki,” Banri laughed as he let go of Itaru, “Marriage will have to wait a while, but one day, I’ll be your husband and for now I’ll keep trying to prove to you that I’m worthy of it.”

“Ah, you have to wash up and eat because you have to be put together for your shoot,” Itaru pushed him towards the door, watching as he disappeared into the bathroom and he went back to the kitchen. He wasn’t an expert in hangover cures but he looked it up and said that protein would help so made more eggs than they normally had, but he hoped that it would help Banri. He could hear the shower go on as he tried to figure out out how Banri’s coffee machine worked - unlike his or any coffee machine he’s ever used before, Banri decided to go with a buttonless model that looked like an alchemist set rather than something for use. He knew that Banri liked coffee but this was too much for Itaru to figure out on a whim, so he would have Banri teach him when they had time but he had two hours to get ready and eat before Itaru had to drive him across tonight for his shoot.

“Hey, you good?” He turned, eyes widening as he saw Banri drying his hair - very much naked beside the towel around his waist. He cleared his throat - he was in Banri’s apartment and he realized that this might just be a normal Banri thing that he was going to have to get used to. 

“Coffee,” He barely managed to get that out, focusing on the painting that was hanging just past Banri’s head with newfound interest.

“Oh, I have a pour-over in that cabinet,” Banri came over, filling the kettle without a hint of embarrassment of his state of undress, “I can teach you how to use this, but it takes four hours to make like three cups. It’s amazing coffee but it’s a specialty brew.”

“Banri, do you want to get dressed? I can take care of it,” Itaru wanted to push him away, but he didn’t want to touch him in fear that it would be too much for him to handle.

“I’m fine like this,” He smiled as he leaned in, reaching past Itaru to grab the coffee ground from the cabinet. Itaru was sure that Banri was doing this on purpose but he wasn’t going to say anything just in case he was just overthinking his little… display of skin. Lots of skin, “You want a cup too?”

“Please,” Itaru moved to make their plate, making sure that Banri’s plate was full of eggs and Banri chuckled as he set a cup down on the table - moving to make his own cup, “I heard that protein can help with a hangover so I made you a lot of eggs.”

“I can see that,” Banri sat down and Itaru stared at his plate, trying not to stare at Banri who was happily shoveling down the food with noised of approval that only made Itaru want to hide more, “You know, Tsumugi used to eat like this all the time. Breakfast, lunch, dinner - he would eat so many eggs my mom would get worried about him.”

Tsumugi wasn’t a name he wanted to hear - not after Banri drunkenly told him that Tsumugi confessed to him and he rejected him, especially not with Banri comfortably naked across from him. He looked up, watching as Banri picked at his plate and carefully wrapped his eggs in a roll of bacon with a look of determination.

“Don’t play with your food,” Itaru clicked his tongue and Banri looked up at him, bringing the little roll to his lips before smiling.

“Thought you weren’t going to be looking at me?”

“It’s not my fault that you’re… naked,” Itaru put his hand up to shield his eyes to keep himself from staring. He was sure that Banri was cut from the same cloth as a God and that’s why he was ridiculously maxed out in his stats, but he was also sculpted in their image which wasn't fair at all. 

“You don’t seem to mind seeing me naked when it’s a photo,” Banri laughed as Itaru slammed his hand on the table - getting more flustered as he got up and escaped to the bedroom, grabbing a silk robe from Banri’s closet to have him wear. He came out of the room, bumping straight into Banri who cupped his face - smiling awkwardly as he sighed.

“I was just teasing you, sorry if I made you upset,” Banri looked apologetic and Itaru laughed at how stupid they were - Itaru was too flustered and Banri read it that he was upset with him.

“I’m not upset, just panicked that you're very naked,” Itaru shoved his robe at him and Banri quickly put it on - pressing a kiss to his forehead, “And you’ve seen me looking at your photoshoots?”

“Yeah, you lay facing away from me and sometimes I catch a glance at your screen,” Itaru groaned as he pushed away from him, “You’re real bratty this morning, did I say something stupid last night?”

“No, I just… first it was marriage talk then you come out like that,” Itaru smiled as he shook his head, putting his hands on Banri’s chest and Banri chuckled as he leaned in, their lips meeting in a soft kiss, “It’s a lot for me handle.”

“Alright, I’ll remember to bring clothes with me when I shower from now on,” Banri tapped his nose, smiling as Itaru shook his head at the treatment. First, he was being called bratty and now he was booping him on the nose, it was easy to see that Banri was comfortable enough to relax and goof off with him so casually, “I have to get ready. So, go finish your breakfast.”

***

“I heard that Banri was bringing his partner here,” Itaru tried not to be too obvious as he listened to the two women talking - Banri was currently talking to the photographer and Itaru decided to hang back so he didn’t intrude. He thought that he’d be able to talk to someone, but everyone had an attitude and cast side glances at him so instead, he stood off to the side trying not to be too much of a distraction.

“I haven’t seen anyone besides that guy,” Itaru sighed, he could feel them look at him but he stayed focused on his game -  _ tap tap tap,  _ trying to ignore what was being said about him, “But he’s probably just an extra hand or something. I don’t think Banri’s like  _ that _ and even if he was, why would he pick someone so plain.”

“Itaru, right?” He looked up, a friendly-looking redhead beamed at him, “I’m Teri’s assistant, Banri sent me over because he was worried that you were alone.”

Itaru looked at the two women who looked at him before laughing, returning to talking about how plain Banri’s boyfriend was and how he deserved better. 

“Oh, I’m fine. I just wanted to stay out of everyone’s way,” Itaru laughed nervously, despite the man’s gentle nature he was giving off - Itaru wasn’t sure he knew how to act. 

“It’s fine if you think everyone here sucks, they do. But Banri told me you like anime and games, which makes us more similar than most people here,” He was young, Itaru figured that he was probably younger than Banri and was working on an internship with the photographer, “I’m Taichi, by the way! I’m working here on an internship and out of all the people I’ve had to work with, Banri is the only one who talks to me like I’m a person and not like some monkey to boss around.”

“Why work in a place like this, I don’t even know these people and have been getting insulted,” Itaru followed Taichi to the snack table, taking a plate from him and following his lead of taking the pastries and chocolate-covered fruit from the assortment. Banri told him that he could eat the food, but he was embarrassed about ruining the otherwise untouched spread. 

“Teri’s a super popular photographer and I get to meet famous people, being able to say that I was able to talk to someone like Banri gives me points with the ladies!” He said it so proudly that Itaru felt bad that he put up with being treated badly for some second-hand brushes with fame, ”Being Banri’s boyfriend you must have like tons of popularity with the ladies, but I guess that doesn’t matter much to you since you have him.”

“I actually didn’t know that Banri was that popular when I first started talking to him,” Itaru followed the redhead towards Banri and the photographer, “I knew him as a streamer before I recognized him as a model.”

“Itaru, you cool with wearin’ dresses still?” Banri turned to him, smiling as Itaru blinked dumbly at him before nodding. 

“It depends on the dress,” Itaru watched as Banri and the photographer exchanged looks, nodding agreement before Banri gave him an apologetic smile. 

“How do you feel about wearing a dress right now, for this shoot?”

“Banri, I’m not a model,” Itaru took a step back, bumping into Taichi who yelped as his cookies fell to the ground. He kept blinking, hands shaking enough that his plate was threatened to fall and he just kept letting out a stutter  _ uhs  _ and  _ ums _ . 

“Fuck,” Banri took the plate from him, handing it to Teri who was watching him in confusion. Itaru was hyper-aware that people were looking at him, people who were judging him before when he wasn’t acting weird and probably more so now that he was starting to panic, “Itaru, let’s go somewhere private, okay? Just take a deep breath for now.”

Itaru tried but it felt like the air got caught in his throat and he could only pant out shallow breaths as Banri led him into a room away from everyone. 

“Look at me, Itaru, if you don’t want to do it just tell me. I’m not going to force you to do anything,” Banri sat him down at a vanity chair, holding his face and rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs, “It’s okay, there’s no need to panic. I’m here, just look at me and keep trying to breathe.”

“I-I don’t know if I can do that,” Itaru finally got out, closing his eyes as he leaned forward to press his forehead to Banri’s shoulder, “I don’t want to ruin your shoot.”

“We can do some test shots and get you comfortable in front of the camera, if you hate it we don’t have to go through with it,” Banri put his hand on the back of Itaru’s head, holding him close until he decided that he was better to move away.

“Why do you want me to do this all of a sudden?”

“Well, it was supposed to be a shoot with another model but she pulled out last minute so now the Burnberry rep is telling us to figure it out and well, I thought that it would fun for us to do it together,” Banri brushed Itaru’s hair out of his face, smiling shyly as he waited for Itaru to say something else. 

“I thought you were making fun of me for wearing dresses before,” Itaru sighed and Banri clicked his tongue, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Itaru sighed, he felt stupid for making a scene just straight to the worst possibility that Banri was going to make a fool of him in front of all these strangers who already had made up their mind that he was weird. 

“I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m just … I need you to do this for me, if we don’t get it done today then they’ll have to reschedule this and they’ll make sure that I won’t be able to do it,” Banri sighed - he looked upset and Itaru figured that this was an opportunity that Banri wanted to take, “This company is notorious for blacklisting models if they don’t give them what they want.”

Itaru nodded - this was a life or death situation for Banri’s career and he promised himself that he wouldn’t ruin any opportunities Banri had to advance himself. He knew it was a matter of time before his hoodie would have to come off in front of him, but he thought it would be on his own terms and not right before he was being pushed in front of a camera. 

“These are the clothes that you can pick from,” Banri moved back and Itaru followed him to the rack - pushing them around and noting that none of them had sleeves so he couldn’t avoid the reality of Banri seeing some of his past mistakes, “You okay with that?”

“Banri, you’re going to see some things, but I don’t want to talk about it and I just want you to ignore them for now.”

“Okay,” Banri swallowed and nodded, smiling to reassure Itaru that he wasn’t going to be upset with whatever it was. He knew that Itaru had a lot of things he hadn't told him about and he knew that things weren’t always amazing for him - all he could do was reassure him that no matter what, he was going to love him, “I’m going to tell Teri that you said yes, you can pick what you want to wear.”

“Before you go, why me? Other people are better suited to do this here,” Itaru caught his hand and Banri smiled - despite Itaru being older and having more life experience in general, he was so timid and shy that he sometimes feels like he was the ‘grown-up’ in the relationship. The reality was that they were both idiots but Banri was just slightly more relaxed about things - even if his face warmed when Itaru took his hand.

“The hair and make-up girls? They don’t need an ego boost,” Banri sighed as brought Itaru’s knuckles to his lips, “And I want you to do it with me. You’re hot and you just need to put yourself out there so you get a little more confidence, maybe we can become a modeling duo if you like it.”

“Do you really have that much confidence in me? They were saying I was plain-looking,” Itaru continued to shuffle through the clothes, looking at Banri with a smile, “And I don’t think I’m cut out for the modeling life with how soft my body is.”

“If you didn’t fall in love with me at first sight, you’d realize that I’m plain too,” Banri smirked as Itaru huffed, shoving him gently in his embarrassment, “And I do have confidence in you. You were amazing on the stream and it was obvious that you were able to shed some of your nervousness in front of the camera. ”

“That was because I was in my element, it was on my own time so I had time to come to terms with being seen,” Itaru smiled at Banri - he was sure that he would be able to get through it since Banri was supporting him. He knew that high fashion was a different world and him putting on a dress would probably not be that looked at as strange and he would be able to live out his own dreams about being famous for a day, “But this is just like… us making our own SSR since these are not really normal dresses.”

“Well it’s not a ready-to-wear collection, it’s the one for their editorial so it’s the basis that inspired the rest of the collection. I think it’s heaven-inspired and that’s why everything is so fancy,” Banri pulled out a dress - the fabric wrapped around and fell into a long cape at the back. Itaru didn’t know much about fashion outside of things that looked dumb to him were considered to be art forms and seeing the craftsmanship up this close he could understand why - the carefully set crystals that were scattered along the cascading black caught the light of the vanity and looked like scattered stars and the lace that covered the chest was laid down with intricate little embroidered stars. It was beautiful and he wasn’t sure if he  _ should  _ agree to wear it but Banri hung it up at the end of the rack but Itaru ran his fingers over the material.

“You really like it, huh?” Banri went over to the other rack - presumably to the rack of the clothes that were for him and picked something out. Itaru hummed as Banri took his hand, leading out of the room - taking a deep breath as he felt all eyes on them. He was nervous about screwing this up for Banri, knowing that it was important for him he could only try his best to make it work out and was able to push some of his doubts out of his mind - Banri would take care of him and make sure he was doing things right. 

“Itaru said he’ll do it, but can we just take a few test shots to warm him up?” Itaru was only half-listening, looking over at the set - the plain grey backdrop only ornamented with a single throne-like chair, smooth white velvet upholstered and rest was gold - intricately carved with designs of stars. It was obvious that the clothing was supposed to be the stars of the show which meant that he was the co-star and had to put his all into it. He let go of Banri’s hand, wiping them on his shirt since he was sure they were sweating but Banri took it again, pulling over and pressing a kiss to his forehead when Itaru stumbled into him.

“Thanks for doing this for me,” Banri smiled as everyone started moving around them, setting up for them to move forward. Itaru smiled as he pressed a kiss against Banri’s shoulder - even with everyone around he was able to put aside his fear that someone may catch them like that to find some comfort in the situation, “I’ll make sure that I repay you tenfold.”

“You don’t have to,” Itaru smiled as he blushed - squeezing his eyes closed as he tried to make himself not be embarrassing, “I’m going to pretend I’m an idol so I’m excited.”

“Itaru, the Burnberry rep said that Itaru looks great and he’ll get paid extra with the same benefits as normal,” Taichi handed Itaru a paper, the fine print was daunting but even as he skimmed over it his eyes fell onto the payment. 5 million yen for the shoot. He looked at Banri, confused on if that was a typo in the zeros because there was no way that he should be making that much as a nobody, “They said that you’re popular online and can bring more business if they promote you as a new model for the brand since you can reach a wider audience. They want to see how this shoot turns out, but they’ll likely try to get you into a long term contract.”

“I’m a salaryman,” Itaru swallowed, taking his time to read over the paper closer just in case he was able to sell his soul for a brand he couldn’t even afford to  _ look _ at. He didn’t know if he was suited to be a model, aside from his face and his follower count - he really didn’t have the confidence that he would be able to sell anything to his audience of nerds, “But I’m not going to take an offer unless Banri is given the same offer or better.”

“Itaru, don’t throw this away over me,” Banri sounded dejected, probably upset that Itaru was practically being given a golden opportunity on a platter for his first time even setting foot on a photoshoot, “If they give you an offer, take it. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Banri this is your world,” Itaru gestured to everything - the set, the cameras, and lights. This wasn’t where he belonged and it wasn’t where he wanted to be, “I’m not you and this isn’t a part of my dream, it’s yours and I don’t want to take it from you. Let’s just do this shoot today and we can talk about it later?”

Banri nodded, but it was obvious that he was upset with Itaru’s stance on not taking an opportunity for the sake of him. He knew that it wasn't his dream and he didn’t want to force him into doing something just because he thought it was a good idea, he had enough experience with that himself and didn’t want Itaru to resent him for forcing him to live out his dreams. Itaru signed the contract - muttering something about the pay before turning his attention back to Banri. Taichi ran off and they were alone again, but Itaru seemed more nervous now as shifted on his heels - he couldn’t even make eye contact.

“But they’re giving me a lot of money so can we stop buying a jewelry store after this?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on the fashion: The collection loosely based on the [Elie Saab Spring '20 Couture Collection](https://www.vogue.com/fashion-shows/spring-2020-couture/elie-saab/slideshow/collection) and the design is based on [this piece Burberry '16 RTW collection](https://assets.vogue.com/photos/58ab4b398fc09c687cb544a4/master/w_400/_BUR0895.jpg)
> 
> [Banita Week 2021 is happening April 18-24! ](https://twitter.com/BanitaWeek)
> 
> [My twitter ](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)


	12. Lancelot & Gawain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was gonna apologize 4 not uploading 4 a month, but I think we know that I fell off the bus a long time ago.
> 
> CW: Implied self-harm (past, not extremely detailed but it's mentioned briefly)

“Chigasaki,” Itaru looked up as his name was called, a group of his seniors waving him over to them. He had talked to them on occasion, mostly about work or his half-hearted attempts at making small talk during work parties but since it was lunch and they looked ready to go somewhere - Itaru was a bit confused. He smiled politely, waving before returning to his phone as it vibrated in his hand. He looked up again, once he saw a cleanly manicured hand landing on his desk - it was the department manager and he straightened up, “Itaru, come join us for lunch.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to meet with someone today,” He bowed his head, getting up and grabbing his wallet off his desk. There was an audible gasp from the woman.

“Who’s the lucky lady,” She pointed to his ring and Itaru laughed - it was an ornate ring that meant nothing, a replica of Lancelot’s ring. He had bought it with the modeling pay since there was a limited jewelry collaboration with Knights of the Round and he had gotten Banri a matching one - not an engagement ring or marriage one, though he wasn’t opposed to the idea of them being their wedding rings down the line. If Banri proposed with something that related to a game he would have felt like Banri was able to hit all the points in one - but he could give him a candy ring and he’d treasure it with joy.

“Ah, it’s just a ring,” Itaru smiled, trying to get out of having to explain it further, “I’ll try to make it next time for lunch.”

“Of course, I get that you’re busy. We wanted to know about your new modeling career,” She smiled and Itaru laughed awkwardly, hoping that he could brush it off for now. Banri had just texted him that the campaign teaser had been released and he thought that he would have some time to collect himself before someone asked about it, “Feel free to join us for drinks some time.”

“I’ll try,” He smiled, tight-lipped as he nodded, “But I have to get going if you would excuse me.”

“Of course,” Itaru sped walked to the elevator, praying that they didn’t stop him since he only had an hour for lunch and wanted to spend as much time as he could with Banri as he could before getting back to work. It has been a month since he’s started uni and they’ve come up with a schedule for meeting up for lunch at some point between the university and his office - most of the time Banri would pack multiple things in his lunch for him to bring but today they were meeting a ramen shop that Banri had discovered while coming back home and wanted to try out. His phone buzzed, another text from Banri telling him that he got a booth for them and he got him a surprise too. 

Itaru quickly responded that he was on his way, deliberating whether he could just walk there or drive. He sighed as the elevator doors opened and he decided that walking would save time trying to navigate traffic and find parking - he would just have to warn Banri he would be a little whiny about it later. He smiled as Banri sent him a heart and started walking down the block, the place was closer to his office than the university but Banri was done with his classes for the day so it didn’t matter much if he had a longer commute. 

“Hey,” Banri smiled as he looked up from his phone, putting it down as he reached over to squeeze Itaru’s hand when he sat down. PDA wasn’t accepted, so subtle hand squeezes had to suffice for them when they were in public, “You are now officially a centerfold model in an internationally renowned fashion magazine.”

“I know, some of the girls at the office brought it up,” Itaru shook his head, brushing his hair out of his face and smiling as Banri put the bag on the table, “Is this a gift for unlocking the model achievement?”

“It’s a gift because I saw it walking here and thought about you,” Banri chuckled when he put his hands down, face red as he looked at Banri with a smile. He was sure his face was red and he pulled the bag on the seat next to him, pushing the tissue paper out of the way, and pulled out a black plastic bag. He didn’t know what it could be, but squeezing it he could feel that it was a plushie and he smiled as he pulled it open.

“A new friend we can add to our bed,” Banri smiled as Itaru took it out of the bag. It was a grey rabbit, the floppy ears were soft as he played with them smiling as he looked up at Banri, “There’s something else in the bag.”

“Is this little baby not enough?” Itaru smiled as he put it on his lap, digging through the bag and freezing when he pulled out a small box. He sat back as their food arrived and he looked up at Banri who was waiting for him to open the box, his smile soft as he nodded for him to continue. Itaru opened it, swallowing as he saw a pretty ring nestled in velveteen.

“We were talking about promise rings the other night and I wanted to get you something that is one of a kind,” It was a rose gold band, a large stone in the center surrounded by diamonds - it looked expensive and he wiped at the tear that slipped down his cheek, “The KniRound rings are cool but I designed this with Kazunari and had it made for you, so it’s one of a kind.”

“It’s really nice,” He moved his ring to another finger and slipped the ring in its place - it was an obvious change that from the chest on the other one - much more intimate and important looking, “I can’t cry because I have to go back to work, but I’m so happy right now that I would be crying.”

“I love you,” Banri smiled as he held his hand out, smiling when Itaru put his hand in his so he could look at it, “And I hope you like the rabbit, I was looking at your collection and most of them are rabbits so I assume they’re your favorite?”

Itaru nodded, taking his hand back and placing the plush into the back so he could eat - he never really sought out buying rabbits specifically. It was just that he always found them the cutest and liked them. He didn’t have a large collection, but Banri was diligently getting him more so his meager collection had grown into a small army. But since he’s been sleeping in Banri’s bed, he had all his stuffed animals displayed on his old bed because Banri could only stand so many of them taking up space on his bed. Banri said that watching him pick them off of the floor and apologize to them as he set them back on the bed didn’t make him feel better about accidentally pushing them onto the floor.

“Mr. Bunny was my sister’s originally but everyone said that I took him when I was younger and they started getting more rabbit plushies for me,” Itaru blew on his noodles, slurping them before wiping his lips on his sleeve. He looked the part of a respectable gentleman, but he was able to relax without a worry about his mannerisms with Banri that he retreated into his less than proper self, “Growing up without having friends, I liked talking to them when I was lonely. Rabbits are nice and gentle, so they were always comforting to me but I don’t know if it was because of my stuffed animals.”

“It’s nice to see that you still like them,” Banri smiled as he watched Itaru eat - speeding in a race against time before he had to leave for work again, “I’m happy that you still can love them after all this time, ‘s cute.”

“I’m happy you think so. Everyone used to say that boys don’t like cute things and that it was a bad thing to care about them as much as I did once I got older. My sister especially was harsh on me about things growing up and that was one of the things she would pick on me the most about,” Itaru rolled his eyes, “She supported my idol dreams but didn’t think stuffed animals were acceptable.”

“She was probably jealous that you stole Mr. Bunny from her,” Banri laughed as Itaru nodded as if it was the cause, “How do you like the food?”

“It’s good, not as good as your food though,” Itaru smiled as Banri looked at him surprised, “How were your classes today? It was the expression class?”

“Yeah, it was good. A little redundant since a lot of it I know from modeling and the whole convey emotion with your eyes and shit,” He shrugged and smiled as Itaru nodded, slurping his noodles - aggressive enough that the broth splattered against Banri’s face, “It’s exciting though, I like doing the improv exercises. There are improv nights that my professor recommended going to watch for help with timing and stuff if you’re into that.”

“Sure, just tell me when they are. Are you going to do anything after lunch?”

“Going to stop by to see Tsuzuru at the cafe, I’ll take the stuff with me,” Itaru nodded, finishing his bowl off before sitting back - he didn’t want to go back to his job, he wanted to go back home with Banri and find a spot for their new little friend on their bed, “I’ll bring you something back for when you get home.”

“Alright, I won’t work overtime so I’ll be home early,” Itaru smiled when Banri muttered a _yes_ under his breath as if he was given great news. Itaru checked his phone, he still had some time before he needed to get going, “Have to go soon because I walk slow, but I want to go home with you,”

* * *

“Banri,” Itaru smiled against his lips, pulling away so he was able to get his words out before Banri interrupted him with more kisses. He didn’t mind being overwhelmed by him, his hands rubbing over his waist and pulling on his shirt, “I haven’t even taken off my shoes yet.”

“Sorry, just got excited,” Banri pulled away, taking Itaru’s briefcase and jacket as he took off his shoes. Itaru didn’t mind him being excited to see him, he was excited to be with Banri again - work was too long and he had been thinking about coming home to Banri’s affection. He walked to the bedroom, humming to himself as he paced around the room.

“You’re spacing out,” Banri followed him, sitting at the end of the bed and watching him move aimlessly around the room, “You okay?”

“Banri can you hold me for a little bit?” Banri pulled Itaru onto his lap - his arms around his waist, and Itaru rested his head on his shoulder.

“What happened?” Banri asked, grabbing the plush that he bought and putting it in his lap - smiling as Itaru hugged it. 

“I know it’s the same as before but I miss you,” Itaru shook his head, “I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid,” Banri rubbed his arm, letting Itaru figure out his words before he pressed him for more. He felt like he was just as present with Itaru as before, but he couldn’t deny that his energy may have been a little more depleted than what Itaru had gotten used to over the month they’ve been together. He went from hanging out in his empty apartment alone to coming back to a freshly renovated building with someone who doted on him with kisses, but they’ve been getting home closer in time so Banri was still cooking most of the time.

“I’ve been thinking about quitting my job,” Itaru mumbled, “I just got it because I needed something to keep me from going crazy but now it’s making me feel worse because I feel like I’m just waiting to come home when before it was just waiting to go to work. Things don’t make sense anymore, just feel a little weird about things.”

“That’s okay, don’t make any big decisions until you feel better.,” Itaru stood up and stretched before putting the plush in Banri’s arms. He knew it was best not to question what he was doing, just watching him as he walked around - before nodding to himself as if to confirm whatever he was debating in his head.

“I want to shower to get this gross feeling off,” Itaru said, watching as Banri got up, placing the bunny on their pillows. 

“Dinner is already prepped so I can make it really quick, but if you want to shower,” Banri blushed as shook his head, so he was able to compose himself to continue, “Maybe I can join?”

Itaru blinked, a bit confused about what that meant before he realized and color flooded his cheeks. They stood there, staring at each other - Itaru humming as he tried to figure out if he wanted to let Banri see him like that. Banri laughed as he shook his head, ready to backtrack as if it was just him being stupid and cheeky about it - but Itaru nodded.

“Yes?” Banri didn’t know if that was a confirmation that he was okay with him joining.

“Yeah, just don’t stare too much at me,” Itaru said, smiling as Banri grabbed towels. He was more comfortable with Banri seeing his body after the shoot, he still wore his hoodies around the house just he occasionally let himself just wear t-shirts without that much fear that Banri would press him to explain what happened that his body was littered with scars - they were healed over, but some looked worse than others and he hated knowing that his body would always be looked with pity. But Banri never looked at him with disappointment or disgust - he just smiled and told him that he looked cute in his shirts since Itaru did like to wear them around.

“Can’t make any promises on that,” Banri smiled as he followed Itaru to the bathroom, watching as Itaru undressed - doing his best to hide him from his vision. He wasn’t going to stare, but it was hard when there was more pale skin being revealed than Itaru had ever let him see - but this was a big step for them. It was intimate in a way that no amount of lazy make-out sessions would ever give them, it was them accepting each other fully for everything that they were. At least, that's how Banri saw it. 

“I’ll wash your hair,” Banri smiled as he turned on the water, running the warm water over Itaru’s hair and body - massaging his hands through Itaru’s hair, smiling when Itaru sighed and leaned his head back to get him to press his fingers harder against his scalp, “Feels good?”

“Yeah,” Itaru’s voice cracked and Banri smiled when he didn’t immediately get embarrassed and just cleared his throat, “I never had someone else wash my hair like this, only ever at the salon and even then I can’t relax.”

Banri rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, pushing his hair back before massaging in the conditioner. He used to wash Tsumugi’s hair when they lived together back home; when Tsumugi was too sad to get out of bed, Banri would get him into the shower and would properly wash him just to make sure that he knew that he was loved and taken care of in their house. His parents took him in, set him up with school and all stuff - but they barely made an effort to connect with him or his sister and that didn’t change when they let Tsumugi come live with them. He sighed, rinsing out Itaru’s hair - running his fingers through his wet hair to push it out of his face.

“I’m going to wash your body,” Banri mumbled, grabbing the washcloth and rubbing it over his back and shoulders - massaging his shoulders to help him relax, the skin to skin contact was nice and he wanted to make sure that Itaru felt that he was being taken care of. He didn’t want to make this awkward for him as he lathered up his arms - taking care to not linger too long on his arms to keep Itaru from feeling like he was being judged for them. He wasn’t an idiot and figured out how Itaru got them by himself, never asking directly in case it triggered a bad memory for him - if Itaru ever wanted to talk about them, he knew that Banri would listen and support him. He rinsed him off, pressing a kiss against his shoulder before pulling away.

“Sit down and I’ll wash your hair,” Itaru stood up, letting Banri take the stool as he ran the water through his hair - he smiled as Itaru tried to mirror how he massaged his head. He was a little rough, but it felt good to be in his hands, “Your hair is nice, Banri.”

“Mhm,” He could only hum, smiling as he leaned his head back, “Like when you play with it.”

“I love you,” Itaru mumbled, rinsing the soap out before he leaned in and pressing a kiss against his forehead. He took his time with the conditioner, combing his fingers through the long strands and twisting them around his fingers before he rinsed it out. He kneeled in front of Banri, smiling as a blush rose to his cheeks - he started running the washcloth against his chest, “I thought that you wanted to do… things when you asked if you could shower with me.”

“Did you want to?” Banri’s eyes widened as he blushed, stuttering over his words as he tried to figure out how to respond to that, “We can if you want to, I thought you weren’t interested in that stuff.”

“Not right now,” Itaru kissed him, smiling as Banri nodded - letting him continue washing him before moving to his back, kissing his neck as he ran his hands over his skin - he rinsed him off and shut off the water, “I never… you know and I don’t want my first time to be in the shower. But I am interested in that, especially with you.”

“Yeah, same,” Banri nodded, getting up and putting a towel on Itaru’s head - massaging his hair to dry it off. He didn’t want Itaru to see him blushing and smiling like an idiot because Itaru wanted him at all and that just made him so happy. He let Itaru dry himself off, “I’m going to start dinner, okay? Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, this was nice,” Itaru smiled as he wrapped the towel around his waist, kissing Banri’s cheek as he stepped past him. Banri followed him to the bedroom, throwing their clothes into the basket before taking the clothes that Itaru offered him. He watched as Itaru dressed, putting the ring on his finger before he pulled on one of his work shirts - turning to Banri when he saw that he wasn’t changing, “Oh, since it’s date night I want to dress up a little bit. Is that alright?”

“That’s fine,” Banri shook his head, trying to keep himself from staring and making Itaru uncomfortable - but it was hard when Itaru was so perfect in every way and now he was wearing a ring that promised that one day that he would get on one of his knees, take his hand and ask him to be his husband. He smiled, getting himself dressed quickly so he wasn’t naked and gawking at him for too long, “Uh, it’s just that you put on your ring and it made me really happy.”

“Oh,” Itaru smiled as he looked at his hand, “At work, the girls were asking about the Lancelot ring before lunch and the change raised more questions. They were really confused when I said that I was in a relationship and the rest of the day was me getting questioned about who you were.”

“Did you tell them about me?” Banri smiled as he buttoned up his shirt, “Did you tell them about how you have a pretty boyfriend who would be waiting for you at home to take care of you.”

“I just said that I have a boyfriend,” Itaru came over, straightening Banri’s collar as he pressed up on his toes slightly - their lips touching in a soft kiss, smiling as Banri blushed and pressed his forehead against his. Banri was so confident normally, even when they were alone together and he was a little awkward - he was eager to give his all and that was enough that Itaru felt like his smaller, more subtle actions couldn’t match, “Didn’t want to gush about you like one of the girls in a shoujo anime.”

“Why not? Are you embarrassed about me?” Banri smirked, no malice in his works as he kissed Itaru again - pulling back before he got too carried away again.

“Of course not,” Itaru pulled him back, smiling when Banri stumbled onto him “I just don’t want to tell my co-workers about how I like kissing you, or how I like when you backstage play games with me.”

“Well, keep kissing me, and we won’t have dinner,” Banri was red and Itaru let him go - smiling as Banri quickly finished dressing up. As confident as he was, he was still stunned by Itaru’s seemingly mundane affections - it wasn’t anything like giving him a ring or any grand gesture of gifts and dinner, but it was what Itaru was comfortable with, the shy but determined movements with his little bursts of boldness that got to him.

“Alright, go cook before I distract you again,” Itaru let him go, watching as he righted himself and picking the new plush up, and following him out. He laid down on the couch - watching Banri from the distance, hugging the rabbit as he let his mind wander. He wasn’t sure why his mood was off, he kept having to pull himself from falling into a pit of negativity which made him feel worse because today was so good. But there was a sinking feeling that they were just living out their honeymoon phase and things would start crumbling once Banri got tired of his shit. He sighed, blinking back the tears that were forming - curling around the plush, the soft fur getting wet with his tears as they fell and he nuzzled into it.

Banri watched Itaru lay down, thinking that he was just going to relax so he didn’t pay much attention so he could get dinner done quickly and pull out his surprise for the night - a letter from End Links, the company behind Itaru’s favorite series addressed to the both them. He didn’t know what it was by it was given to his manager so he assumed that it had to be an opportunity to work with them for something - it was an opportunity of a lifetime for Itaru, he’s talked about how he grew up playing the games and always wanted to be just like the main protagonist alongside his idol dreams. He finished cooking, setting the table, and pouring himself a glass of wine and Itaru a glass of juice since he didn’t handle his alcohol that well.

“Itaru, dinner’s ready,” He called out, taking the apron off and hung it up - lighting the candle to add a more romantic ambiance for their night. He looked over to where Itaru was, watching him shift without acknowledging him, “Babe?”

He came over, kneeling next to the couch - brushing his still-damp hair out of his face, sighing seeing how his face was wet and so was his plush. Itaru groaned, his eyes opening - blinking in confusion before his eyes widened and he sat up - stuttering out that he was okay and wiping his face as he pushed him away. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to doze off,” Itaru calmed down when Banri sat back, letting him wake up and try to come to his senses. Banri smiled as Itaru laughed, wiping his face, “I’m just having an off day.”

“It’s okay,” Banri pressed a kiss to his knuckles, his lips grazing the ring settled on his finger. “Food’s ready, so let’s eat, and after we can play something together. Or just cuddle. Whatever you want.”

“You’re so sweet to me,” He mumbled, letting Banri pull him up to his feet - following him to the kitchen, embarrassed that he ruined the atmosphere of the night by being emotional yet again. Banri pulled out his seat, smiling as Itaru settled the plushie on his lap - he never really paid attention to how Itaru carried them around, but he did notice how they would move around from room to room when he would straighten up the apartment, “I have my appointment tomorrow afternoon, but the last session he said that you could come. If it’s not weird for you, I’d like you to.”

“If you want me to come, I will,” Banri smiled, watching as Itaru pushed the food around his plate - he didn’t know much about what they did in his sessions besides talk about whatever was bothering Itaru that week. He would always come back a lot happier and open, able to more clearly articulate what he couldn’t before - it did take a little coxing to get Itaru to get back into a stable routine of going after he brought up how he’d been putting off going, but it seemed like it was helping him. 

“Cool, I have to make a list so you can add things you want to talk about,” Itaru smiled, reaching over and taking the envelope that was in the middle of the table. Banri cursed, trying to take it from him but Itaru’s eyes already widened as he looked over the paper, “Can I open it?”

“I was going to save it for after dinner, but you look excited about it,” Banri smiled as Itaru tore open the envelope, eyes scanning over the letter and he could see that he was getting excited. His hands were shaking before he gasped, slamming his hand against the table and shooting up at waving his hands as he tried to speak but the words weren’t coming out.

“Lance- oh my god,” He laughed as he waved the paper at Banri, “Banri! Oh my god? This is real, right?”

“Yeah? I didn’t read it so I don’t understand what your talking about,” Itaru handed him the paper and he scanned over it - they were launching a game-inspired clothing collection with Gutti and a clothing local brand and wanted models to portray the characters, he smiled at the two bulleted points. _Chigasaki Itaru as Lancelot, Settsu Banri as Gawain._

“How did they get my name? How did they know that I’m a fan,” Itaru was talking so fast, pacing around the room as he tried to grapple with the information. Banri pulled him over, wrapping his arms around his hips - smiling as Itaru poked his cheeks, “Tell them yes, Banri. I need to get in shape to do Lancelot justice, take me to the gym right now.”

“You came out as Taruchi so your name is attached to all those videos about Kniround and Gutti probably put my name down for their part and they saw our recent work on my portfolio,” Banri smiled as Itaru nodded as if considering that possibility for everything, “And you don’t need to go to the gym, you’re going to be a great Lancelot just as you are. Let’s finish dinner and we can get excited after.”

“Yeah, sorry for being stupid. I just never thought that End Links would ever consider me as Lancelot since I’m not a real model,” Itaru sat back down, face red from his burst of energy and excitement, “But you’re going to be Gawain so like, that’s fun. I’ve read lots of things with Gawain and Lancelot, uh,” Itaru laughed awkwardly, shaking his head as he stopped, “Nevermind what I just said. It’s weird, but me and you being Lancelot and Gawain. Lots to imagine with that.”

Banri smiled, he knew that Itaru was a nerd and he has caught him looking at some choice comics when he didn’t think that Banri could see or was paying attention to him - of course, he never said any about it since Itaru was an adult and was free to look at whatever he wanted. All he knew was the contents were of the adult variety. Itaru groaned covering his face when Banri didn’t say anything, probably thinking that Banri was thinking about what he read and judging him.

“It’s fine, I’m more so embarrassed that I can give you some solid recommendations of things you might like,” Banri laughed as he shook his head, watching as Itaru relaxed - he wasn’t lying, he was just as curious as he was interested in what hardcore fans were up to and appreciated the love they had for characters. 

“I can suggest things I’ve written,” Itaru said, laughing as Banri choked on his food, “I don’t write often or post it for other people but I have some things I wrote for a creative outlet to try and help my mood that I saved. Most of it is self-indulgent, me writing as if I was Lancelot and was strong and brave,” His excitement waned as he got quieter, “It’s stupid and I shouldn’t have told you about that.”

“It’s not stupid and you’re not stupid for doing anything that makes you happy,” Banri put his hand out, letting Itaru take it with no prompting, “You keep apologizing for being stupid and I don’t know how to get you to realize that I’m happy to hear your take about whatever is on your mind. Whatever you feel. Like dude, I don’t know how else to make you realize that I’m in love with you and everything about you.”

Banri has spilled his guts to Itaru so much in their relatively short relationship - but it was like every day he was learning something new about the world through their relationship. Before he felt like his life was stagnant - moving out on his own was a baby step into him feeling like he was going somewhere with his life, but in just the short time that Itaru and he hung out as friends he felt like he was safe to open up and safe to do something as foreign and unknown as opening up to someone new. Then things started tumbling out of control, from a friend to his boyfriend to almost fiance in the span of two months seemed absurd but it felt natural and while he wasn’t a believer in something as finicky as faith, he would bet it all on the idea that they were destined to be together. 

“I don’t know how to word anything I want to say,” Banri mumbled - for the first time in what felt like his whole life, he was at a loss for words. Nothing seemed like it was good enough to convey the way that he felt without sounding insincere, “But yeah, I love you and I love how you love your stuffed animals and how you trust me to know their names. I love how you get excited about games and how you ramble about whatever little details got you excited.”

“I think you’re cool,” Itaru just laughed, squeezing Banri’s hand unsure of how to respond properly. He was happy to know that Banri loved him, even the parts he found stupid and embarrassing - but he was bad with his words and that was all e could manage. Banri smiled, squeezing his hand as if he understood exactly what Itaru wanted to say but failed to, 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna Bump the rating up soon,,, as u can tell i want them to [redacted] already
> 
> [My Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend)  
> [Banita Week 2021 is happening April 18th - April 24th so if you are interested in following that account to see the work from other Banita fans, that would be very neat! ](https://twitter.com/BanitaWeek)

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways this originally started off as a "banri is itaru's neighbour and gets locked out" horny idea, but I decided that I want 2 actually write something of substance for once !!
> 
> I'm aiming for updates once a week, but I can't guarantee anything. But I will probably talk about when I will update over on my [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/Dicesboyfriend) :)


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